To not want to travel 7 hours for a team building afternoon

11 replies

wherethemonkeyssing · 26/04/2022 09:31

I am currently on secondment to a project. I am in a team of 15 with 5 of the team based in one location (A) and 10 based in a location 3.5 hours away (B). The team leader has organised a team building afternoon - escape room and meal in location B.

The other 4 people in location A are happy to travel up and stay overnight at location B then attend the team building session and then stay a second night and travel back the morning after.

However, the morning after the team building event is my non working day so I either have to travel 3.5 hours home after the evening meal or pay to put DD in nursery for an extra day and travel home on my day off.

I can't travel up the evening before as DH has an event that evening he needs to be at for work. So I would be driving for 7 hours in one day. Without traffic.

AIBU to say that I can't attend? I am also one of the more senior members of the project team so hugely busy but also aware that this might make me look bad and not a "team player".

OP posts:

Blossomtoes · 26/04/2022 09:37

It will definitely make you look bad and not a team player. If I were a member of the team I’d be unimpressed with a senior member opting out. Why is your bloke’s work commitment the previous night more important than yours?

SleepyRich · 26/04/2022 10:17

I wouldn't even consider attending! Just reference childcare commitments as a reason for being unable to attend as opposed to the driving duration. Although not wishing to drive 7+ hours is a valid reason in itself.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 26/04/2022 10:18

I wouldn't be be able to do that either, senior or not. Could you ask for the location to be made more central?

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 26/04/2022 10:22

I wouldn't even consider going, given your situation. And would have no qualms about explaining, factually and unapologetically, why. Basically, that the logistics really don't work for you.

Perhaps then this team leader, and others in the company, might give a bit more thought in future to organising such events to that everyone can attend without undue stress. It is crazy to call an event a "team building" exercise when it involves this amount of disruption to your family life and eats into your real working commitments.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 26/04/2022 10:26

I'm with @SleepyRich

Decline, and explain (factually and unapologetically) why. Basically, the logistics don't work for you.

Perhaps the company will learn, and might take more care in the future to factor in the travel required and potential disruption to people's home life when arranging such events.

You being senior might give staff lower down the rung the cue they need to also decline, if they are having similar difficulties but are too scared to say something.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 26/04/2022 10:27

Posted two similar messages because I kept getting a server error :-(

Haus1234 · 26/04/2022 10:29

Can you move your non working day to another day that week as a one off?

Haus1234 · 26/04/2022 10:29

Can you move your non working day to another day that week as a one off?

Haus1234 · 26/04/2022 10:29

Could you move your non working day to a different day that week as a one off?

Haus1234 · 26/04/2022 10:30

Could you move your non working day to a different day that week as a one off?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 26/04/2022 10:41

I have been on exactly the same situation, when my DC were much smaller. I would discuss the practicalities of this with your manager, and draw attention to to additional costs you’ll incur. I’d expect a day of in lieu of working your non-working day at the very least, and also request that the additional nursery fees are covered. I think your manager will appreciate you trying to make the effort, even if ultimately you can’t go.

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