To have a moan? Haha

Bernie12 · 2022-04-26T08:40:06+00:00

Do your iron your DH’s shirts and make his lunch? He was telling me earlier that his colleagues wife makes her DH’s lunch etc. I feel bad but I’m busy enough with the kids clothes, work etc (only work 3 days but still)..MIL does EVERYTHING for DIL and get the impression she expects me to do the same for DH. He is getting lazier and lazier, I’ve asked him to mow the lawn for 3 weeks and he never gets round to it, I will do it this weekend instead but he just doesn’t help at all!!!!! I make tea and he never bloody puts the pots in the dishwasher, he moans when he goes to put a shirt on and it is dirty? Should I be washing them? all he has to do is get up, get dressed and leave. I have to get up, do the kids breakfasts, get them dressed, take them to nursery/breakfasts clubs before I even start work. Surely he can wash a shirt 😩😩😩

Therealpink · 26/04/2022 09:42

🤷‍♀️
A lot of us do mare than we should and enable men, to different degrees. But it fills me with rage.

and your lighthearted haha in the title shows exactly why he’s getting away with treating you like his maid.

YellowPlant · 26/04/2022 09:49

I hate when people add lol or haha to minimise something that’s actually valid (usually about men). No you don’t need to baby your husband.

You work three days a week and look after yourself, the children and the house.
He only works two more days than you but as well as not contributing enough to looking after the children or the house he also can’t even look after himself. That’s obviously ridiculous.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/04/2022 09:49

and your lighthearted haha in the title shows exactly why he’s getting away with treating you like his maid

Yes to this. It's not really funny is it. I do wash DH's shirts if I'm putting a matching load going but he will also do the same. Same with the ironing. I do the majority of the cooking so DH and the DC always clear away after. It's just common decency isn't it.

Your DH sounds like a lazy shit

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/04/2022 09:50

and your lighthearted haha in the title shows exactly why he’s getting away with treating you like his maid

Yes to this. It's not really funny is it. I do wash DH's shirts if I'm putting a matching load going but he will also do the same. Same with the ironing. I do the majority of the cooking so DH and the DC always clear away after. It's just common decency isn't it.

Your DH sounds like a lazy shit

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/04/2022 09:50

and your lighthearted haha in the title shows exactly why he’s getting away with treating you like his maid

Yes to this. It's not really funny is it. I do wash DH's shirts if I'm putting a matching load going but he will also do the same. Same with the ironing. I do the majority of the cooking so DH and the DC always clear away after. It's just common decency isn't it.

Your DH sounds like a lazy shit

RandomMess · 26/04/2022 09:52

Do you have equal leisure time?

I would present to him a lovely grid showing how much sleep and leisure time he gets versus how much you get.

Then pin copies up and ask when he is going to start doing his fair share.

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:56

YellowPlant · 26/04/2022 09:49

I hate when people add lol or haha to minimise something that’s actually valid (usually about men). No you don’t need to baby your husband.

You work three days a week and look after yourself, the children and the house.
He only works two more days than you but as well as not contributing enough to looking after the children or the house he also can’t even look after himself. That’s obviously ridiculous.

This. Participating in housework as part of a family is fine, being a skivvy is not.

Everyone’s family set-up is different but I don’t “wash DH’s clothes”, I do the laundry if there’s a full basket and I have the time/inclination to do it. The basket contains all our clothes. DH does the laundry too if he finds the time. If I need something to be clean, I prioritise it. So does DH. If either of us are busy doing something else, we say or text “hey, can you stick my red hoodie/black shirt/etc in a wash, please?” And the other will do so. I can’t really imagine it being any other way.

same with cooking, cleaning or anything else that needs doing. We have a toddler so one of us supervises them or takes them out whilst the other one cracks on with housework. We work to strengths - I hate dusting, DH hates pegging washing out, so we tend to let the other one do those jobs.

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:56

YellowPlant · 26/04/2022 09:49

I hate when people add lol or haha to minimise something that’s actually valid (usually about men). No you don’t need to baby your husband.

You work three days a week and look after yourself, the children and the house.
He only works two more days than you but as well as not contributing enough to looking after the children or the house he also can’t even look after himself. That’s obviously ridiculous.

This. Participating in housework as part of a family is fine, being a skivvy is not.

Everyone’s family set-up is different but I don’t “wash DH’s clothes”, I do the laundry if there’s a full basket and I have the time/inclination to do it. The basket contains all our clothes. DH does the laundry too if he finds the time. If I need something to be clean, I prioritise it. So does DH. If either of us are busy doing something else, we say or text “hey, can you stick my red hoodie/black shirt/etc in a wash, please?” And the other will do so. I can’t really imagine it being any other way.

same with cooking, cleaning or anything else that needs doing. We have a toddler so one of us supervises them or takes them out whilst the other one cracks on with housework. We work to strengths - I hate dusting, DH hates pegging washing out, so we tend to let the other one do those jobs.

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:57

YellowPlant · 26/04/2022 09:49

I hate when people add lol or haha to minimise something that’s actually valid (usually about men). No you don’t need to baby your husband.

You work three days a week and look after yourself, the children and the house.
He only works two more days than you but as well as not contributing enough to looking after the children or the house he also can’t even look after himself. That’s obviously ridiculous.

This

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:57

YellowPlant · 26/04/2022 09:49

I hate when people add lol or haha to minimise something that’s actually valid (usually about men). No you don’t need to baby your husband.

You work three days a week and look after yourself, the children and the house.
He only works two more days than you but as well as not contributing enough to looking after the children or the house he also can’t even look after himself. That’s obviously ridiculous.

This

RandomMess · 26/04/2022 09:59

Do you have equal leisure time?

I would present to him a lovely grid showing how much sleep and leisure time he gets versus how much you get.

Then pin copies up and ask when he is going to start doing his fair share.

Aprilx · 26/04/2022 10:02

I honestly can’t imagine living like this, it is faintly fascinating for me. After leaving my childhood home, I house shared for a while but did not live with anyone as a couple until I met now DH when I was in my 30s. I cannot imagine then suddenly taking up the domestic duties for two people. Why would I suddenly start washing and ironing somebody else’s clothes when I don’t enjoy doing my own! I have been married 16 years and I have never ironed anything for DH and never washed anything for him either, he washes and irons his own shirts and the rest of his clothes, we have separate laundry baskets. I have only prepared lunch for DH if I have cooked and have some spare, in which case I box it up for him to take in and microwave.

There are some things he does or doesn’t do that drive me mad, like he will leave used crockery on the counter immediately above the empty dishwasher, he never throws wrapping away, brings home shopping and leaves it on the counter. The magic fairy deals with it all you see. But I let it go, because I rarely put the bins out and he walks the dog more.

Aprilx · 26/04/2022 10:22

I honestly can’t imagine living like this, it is faintly fascinating for me. After leaving my childhood home, I house shared for a while but did not live with anyone as a couple until I met now DH when I was in my 30s. I cannot imagine then suddenly taking up the domestic duties for two people. Why would I suddenly start washing and ironing somebody else’s clothes when I don’t enjoy doing my own! I have been married 16 years and I have never ironed anything for DH and never washed anything for him either, he washes and irons his own shirts and the rest of his clothes, we have separate laundry baskets. I have only prepared lunch for DH if I have cooked and have some spare, in which case I box it up for him to take in and microwave.

There are some things he does or doesn’t do that drive me mad, like he will leave used crockery on the counter immediately above the empty dishwasher, he never throws wrapping away, brings home shopping and leaves it on the counter. The magic fairy deals with it all you see. But I let it go, because I rarely put the bins out and he walks the dog more.

AnyCakeButBattenburg · 26/04/2022 15:50

I think you should be washing his shirts - don't they go into the laundry basket with everything else? As for doing his lunch - no, he could do his own packed lunch (my husband does).

I've been married for almost 42 years, and our roles have always been quite traditional (old-fashioned, some will say). I'm now at home all day, my husband works full-time, gets in at 4.30. I cook dinner 5 nights a week, we eat out 1 evening, he cooks another night. I do all the cleaning, ironing and food shopping (online) and I fill the dishwasher, he empties it. He mows the grass and maintains the cars. I clean my car, he does his. Surely a partnership should be about give and take?