Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at pervy comments

18 replies

Blinky596 · 07/09/2023 16:43

First time poster … so sorry if this is in the wrong place but need to rant! And need some advice to see if my little tantrum has been ott. I’m pregnant so don’t know if it’s my hormones 😂😂

I’ve been working with the other half on and off for some time, just when he needs help really. Being a construction environment I expect “lads to be lads” (no excuse though in this day and age) and let the constant farting and general grossness slide. 

Today though I have been seriously pissed off by a conversation I witnessed and can only say I’m glad I’m a mum to boys and that I don’t have daughters that will be spoken about in such a way😩 

One of the blokes on site was chatting about another co-worker (he wasn’t in the building at the time) and was saying to another one of the lads about co-workers daughter and that being a local lad might know her. My other half said with a grin “mate you are bound to know her she’s got a bit of a rep” (clearly forgetting I was in the room and quickly shut his mouth- he never shuts up. Interest perked and suspicious raised) and his other mate got her up on social media and was saying about how fit she is etc etc and general pervy chit chat. So other half has clearly had a gawp and a stalk. I’m not usually overly bothered if it’s a passing glance but I’m stood there thinking bunch of dirty pigs. 

Well my opinion of them all has been permanently changed. The girl is 22 and still looks about 13 😭These men are close to and in their 40’s.

I’ve been around before where you get the usual “crikey look at the baps on that!” Etc etc but never taken any notice. Today I felt super uncomfortable that these pigs were so vile about a 22 year old girl and the daughter of one of their co workers. It’s given me the major ick and really upset me that they can be so disgusting about someone so young and so disrespectful to their co-worker and their wives! These are all also fathers to daughters so cannot understand on what planet that they deem their behaviour to be acceptable!? I had to walk away and left not long after. I think they knew they’d overstepped the mark. 

Other half is claiming innocence despite being involved in the conversation and I honestly can’t bring myself to speak to him. I’m so disgusted it’s made me feel angry! I know blokes can be pigs but it just felt like they were preying on a child 😩

Sorry for long post but am I a dick for being annoyed?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 07/09/2023 16:49

YANBU.

They sound like fucking Neanderthals. Including your H. Creepy offensive losers.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 07/09/2023 17:02

Yes, they are creepy pervs.

And that includes your other half. Grim.

TibetanTerrah · 07/09/2023 17:03

Toxic masculinity innit. If you speak to your OH, he'll just hide his involvement better. And he'll get ribbed and called under the thumb and henpecked because it's so toxic.

I don't know what to suggest. Because I'd feel like even more of a mug if he carried on behind my back, and they'd all be laughing like they'd got one over on me.

fruitbrewhaha · 07/09/2023 17:04

Yuk

BIossomtoes · 07/09/2023 17:07

It’s not great and I’d be really pissed off if my bloke did it.

You are unreasonable to call a 22 year old woman a child though and your standards are pretty low if this is true: I’ve been around before where you get the usual “crikey look at the baps on that!” Etc etc but never taken any notice. That’s just as bad.

SweetAndSourChick3n · 07/09/2023 17:07

I would be absolutely disgusted if DH was part of a conversation like that

Crikeyalmighty · 07/09/2023 17:11

I don't think some men realise how easily we can 'go off them' if we catch a whiff of anything like this. Some women don't give a shit but lots and lots really do

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 07/09/2023 17:11

I'd speak to dh afterwards and politely say it made you uncomfortable and most women find men like that really unattractive and pathetic. Obviously don't raise your voice or go on about it or you'll be deemed a cliche nag (as I often am with silly twatty blokes!)

Travelfan2021 · 07/09/2023 17:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

randomuser2019 · 07/09/2023 17:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Blueeyedmale · 07/09/2023 17:24

From a male point of view I think it's disgusting the way women and girls are spoken about by a lot of men today,some of these comments are not just behind the person's back or just banter some comments are actually made to women and girls in front of them when I was at school a simple your hair looks nice or I like what you are wearing today is as far as it went,I often think to myself how has it got so much worse over the years,I'm glad I've helped bring my son up to see that women and girls need to be respected and not objectified

MorningSunflower · 07/09/2023 17:31

YANBU!

Reminded me of this passage from the book The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry:

there is a very obvious peak in female victimisation, with the risk increasing very rapidly after the age of about twelve and decreasing again, almost as rapidly, after the age of about thirty. The very young and the very old are sometimes targeted, but this is rare: the modal victim is fifteen, and the percentage of female victims who are older than thirty when they are raped is in single digits. Could it really be a coincidence, I wondered, that the age of peak rape victimisation is also the age at which I personally attracted the most sexual harassment on the street?

verdantverdure · 07/09/2023 17:52

Blokes know this isn't ok.

The ones that do it anyway,don't care.

A bunch of blokes in a van honked and cat called girls in school uniform in front of me this afternoon.

The girls were no older than 14 I reckon.

The blokes no younger than 38.

Bunch of pricks.

LocalHobo · 07/09/2023 17:58

I work in the construction industry and there is no 'banter' along these lines, so do not believe your colleagues comments are inevitable. Please report them as I'm sure the directors will want to stop this gross behaviour regarding another employee's family. I would.
I have a 22 year old DD, she is not a child.

Thatsmorethanhalf · 07/09/2023 18:05

Deleted by poster

OnedayTwodays · 07/09/2023 18:23

YANBU.

Gross. Vile.

It must be disappointing to find out you married and procreated with one of these scumbags of the universe.

TheWayofBeing · 07/09/2023 18:40

Why didn't you say 'stop being pigs she's young enough to be your daughter'?

It's gross because she's a woman, their friends daughter.

22 year olds are adults though. Not children and it's rude to say she looks 13.

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 08/09/2023 00:17

@randomuser2019 my last sentence was laced with sardony. I certainly couldn't be with a man like that either! Chauvanists are SO unbelievably old fashioned and cringey.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page