to tell my mother my DH has left me (when he hasn't)

[SassySusan]

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Sassy

I've been thinking about you a lot lately and wondering how things are, and it must be especially hard for you not to have your mother's unconditional and intuitive support.

She is being unreasonable not to offer the support you need,and taking time to listen to you, but would I be right in guessing that she has always been self centred,and perhaps this also contributed to the break up of her marriage?

I work with older people and behaviours and personality traits often become even more entrenched over time, both negative and positive.

I can understand the need to 'sting' her into a reaction by your statement, but sadly it's unlikely to get the reaction you would have liked.

It's good to hear that you and your DH are doing 'fine'

Sassy, am PMSL at your solution. Go girl! You could probably keep this one running for years and she'd not know.

No doubt some equally annoying comment will rise up to fill the empty space in time, but enjoy the break.

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Susan, your first paragraph in your last post could have been me talking! It's weird to think of someone else in exactly the same situation. I remember when I was at uni, I was even still living at home, and she told me she'd met so and so in the street who asked what I was doing, and she could say I was at uni, but didn't know what I was studying! She admitted it! I cannot imagine not knowing that about my children! Actually, I haven't been in touch with her for about 12 years - no point, no relationship there AT ALL!!!

So sorry to hear about your DD xxx Hope you can resolve all this without too much more hurt. Can you not just accept the situation, endure the 10 minute calls (I am now in a similar situation with my father, not remotely interested in my children or my life, but desperate to see me all the time just so he has someone to watch TV with) and accept that you have no relationship with her and that's just the way it is. Closure.

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I can't give any anecdotes of my own as bad as that, because my mother does take an active interest, but I always get the impression with her that its not because she is genuinely interested in me - but so she can tell her friends and they will award her "points" because of my achievements.

Sorry, it was your "I'll just get a pen and paper" thing that reminded me of this trait in my mother - she often makes what I suspect are "boast notes" when we are on the phone. (Dont get me wrong, there's not a lot to boast about these days, but when you are in your late teens and early twenties and forging a path in life, there is plenty, generally)

She's never taken the time to try and understand or listen to any detail of any kind about what I did as a career, if I ever talked about work or uni she was actually so disinterested her eyes would glaze over, yet when it came to a tangible "boast", something really great happening, she would grab it and ram it down everyone's throat, lapping up the glory.

Not quite the same thing, but you have my sympathies, I sort of, in a roundabout way, know how you feel.