Weekend break with the inlaws

[happygilmore]

I had my baby DD a few weeks ago and was seriously ill afterwards and have been recovering (very slowly) ever since. PIL have offered to take us away later this year when I'm feeling better, when they offered it was to go "anywhere we wanted".

Without wishing to be mean, PIL are very difficult and in all honesty a break away with them is not really mine and DH's idea of a break BUT I realise this is very nice of them to offer, and think we should accept as they clearly love their granddaughter to bits and it's a chance for them to spend time with her. DH has had a very difficult relationship all his life with his parents so we never thought this would happen and are very glad of it.

Anyway, a relative of mine works for a holiday company and we can get a luxury holiday home in the countryside for a weekend self-catering and a great price, the place is in a gorgeous setting and being self-catering we feel it would be the easiest set up for us and a 5month old. Mentioned it to the ILs (and also planning on offering to pay our share) but MIL has decided she wants to go to a particular hotel elsewhere. Said hotel closes the following weekend for refurbishment and is also a lot dearer than the place I found.

DH thinks we should be honest and say no we don't want to go there, we want to go self-catering and to this holiday home. I think that sounds rude as they're offering to take us, but agree I really don't want to stay in a hotel - we're dead unorganized and would prefer to just take it easy SC.

What do people think? Should we:

a) Go for the weekend and just be grateful for it
b) Say thanks but we'd rather go self-catering to the other place

or possibly
c) Say we can't make that weekend and then suggest other place the following weekend (hotel closed then for refurbishment)

I don't want to be rude and offend them, DH thinks I am over worrying and we should just tell them straight "no we'd prefer to go to X".

Say that with a 5 month old, the self catering would be much easier from the point of view of being more convenient, you can eat / feed when you want, can heat / wash / sterilise bottles (if you are bottle feeding) more easily. Not sure what your 'routine' will be by then. I wouldn't contemplate a hotel with a 5 month old to be honest. You will need to eat / feed baby potentially at same time.

I agree with your DH, tell them straight. Or get your DH to tell them, as they're his parents.

BUT, do say how appreciative you are, but feel that would be the most relaxing all around.

You may even have started introducing bits of solids maybe. Nightmare in a hotel. Or at least you can say your LO might be on solids then. Stick to your guns.

Yes that's the main reason we want to go SC, we're bottle feeding so sterilising a problem and also hoping baby will be going to bed fairly early so we can relax when she's asleep, but no problems if she's awake.

I did try to say this to MIL but she just said don't be silly she's dead young, it'll be no problem. I think she thought I was being a bit PFB when I tried to raise potential problems.

So basically their offer to take you somewhere of your choice hasn't materialised. Sounds to me like they are trying to railroad you into their plans. They are paying so you will do as you are told and be grateful?

Tell them thanks but no thanks and book your own weekend away.

Yes the original offer was to DH as MIL had heard me saying how much I was looking forward to getting away when I was better. I then brought it up when we saw them yesterday and she said "Oh yes we can go anywhere you want" so I told her about this place. She then rang the hotel this morning and called us to ask about booking it, so it's def on their terms.

In all honesty I would MUCH prefer to go away just me, DH and baby but they're making an effort with their granddaughter which I do appreciate, it wasn't what we expected at all.

They're OK to just offer you a hotel weekend away. But totally up to you to accept or decline. Agree with Geek - thank you but no thank you. Sounds like you're going to have to be quite strong, so you aren't being pushed into this. Totally fair enough to not want a hotel holiday with a baby

I think I'd just go. I stayed in a hotel with DD as a baby and it was a bit of a treat to have meals sorted and no washing up to do etc.
You can cold sterilize and with have a kettle in your room to warm bottles.
If you'd prefer to go away just you, DH and baby - why not do that as well to a place you chose, when you like?

why hasn't you DH already said this to them??

dropdeadfred - the conversation with DH was along the lines of "we can go anywhere you want", it was only when she spoke to me separately a couple of weeks later she told me she wants to stay at this hotel. DH is quite happy to tell them he doesn't want to go.

If DH is happy to speak up then just let DH tell them that you don't want to go to the hotel, and go and have a lovely holiday in the countryside

Yes, your dh should say 'seiing as this was a present to dw we would like to choose the holiday'
if they are not agreeable then say thanks but no thanks

So it's not rude to say "no thanks we'd rather go here"?

See, if you're recovering, your MIL might feel obliged to be doing the self catering stuff as she'd feel bad watching you do any and they want to see it as treating you to a relax.

Well it may be rude to wish to specify an exact place bu i's no rude to state that you do not wish to stay in a hotel and would prefer selfcatering

Possibly paisleyleaf, although TBH it's DH who does most of the cooking etc anyway not me. She's been to this hotel recently and really wants to go back I think.

They do probably want to treat your DH too.

Yes that's true paisleyleaf, hadn't thought of that.

Thanks everyone, will have a chat with DH and perhaps suggest we go SC, although not necessarily to the place we've seen.