to want to stop DD (8 mo) treating me like a nocturnal snack bar

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

DH and I have been co-sleeping with her every night since birth... and with the exception of the occasional brief snooze in her car seat or pushchair, she has never slept apart from us, even during the day.

It's lovely. But she's 8 months now and I am exhausted.

Now that DD's bigger and more mobile, she's able to squiggle herself right up to me and either latch herself on to BF or stroke and paw at my boobs and squeeze my nipples. She can do it for hours on end. She rarely takes much milk in... it seems more about the confort and entertainment.

I am exhausted. And I'm about to undergo major surgery which will make lying-down BF and boob-stroking very, very painful for several months...

AIBU to consider getting a bit tough about trying to get her to sleep in her (as yet unused) cot?

And if IANBU, how? (I've tried making her a nest with milky t-shirts, warming the matress with hot water bottles etc... as soon as I put her down she screams, and will scream for as long as it takes for me to pick her up again.)

And if IABU, would I be BU to seriously considering leave my job because I'm too tired to cope?

I don't think ypou should go from co-sleeping straight to cot, it will be too unsettling for her.

sorry i'm not much help really

Under similar circumstances (no surgery just exhaustion) we got DD to sleep in her cot by feeding her to sleep and then putting her down. It took a few nights for her not to keep waking up angry but soon she was just waking up for feeds. She usually ended up in our bed at about 5am though.

At 10 months I had had it with night feeds and DH went to her whenever she woke - it took 3 nights for her to be sleeping all night.

DD's eyes just ping open the second I try that. Did your DD's... or did it get easier?

See, I am nearly due DC2 and every now and then am tempted by the idea of co-sleeping, but then I hear so many situations like this, and quite honestly, it scares the bejeezus out of me. I know that's not very helpful - sorry.

I have no idea what the answer is - I'm guessing you're either going to have to wean her off co-sleeping and into independent sleeping, which could take a long time, or go cold turkey, which sounds just horrible to me, when all she's been used to is your bed.

Good luck, whatever you decide todo.

Can you put the cot right next to your bed with the side dropped and transfer that way? Then gradually move the cot away? That's how I got DS into his. Yes sometimes he'd wake up - but I read Dr Sears which explained when was the best time to transfer (when all limbs are limp and fists are relaxed). We kept doing it over and over and over (yes there were blips and we took him back in but hey ho). Now he goes down fine in his cot.

Oh YANBU by the way!

I took one side off our cheapish cot to make it into bedside cot, breastfed him to sleep in his cot and then left him there to have a proper sleep in my bed. Even if he fell asleep with us it was easy to transfer him.

I'll try that. Not sure TBH if the side drops, but I've got a friend who's very handy at that sort of thing...

let me know how you get on with this - My DS is the same at 13 months and I'm stuck with what to do about it!

Will do. DD has a grotty snuffly cold and is all clingy at the moment, though, so I'll wait a week or so.

Will report back, probably on the sleep board!

I had my dd2 in a bedside cot with the side off (so basically co-sleeping). When I decided enough was enough with the night feeds, I put the side up on the cot and left it next to the bed, and set a target initially of 1.30am to get to before I would feed her and bring her into bed with me. When we'd cracked that I shifted it forwards to 5am. That's where we are now.

We had a few hellish nights while the penny dropped with her that she wasn't going to get milk in the night, but it did work. I offered water instead, and she will now happily take a cup of water if she wakes up in the night, and then settle down to sleep again without coming out of her cot.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to stop the night feeds if that's what you need to do. I just think you need to find a kind way to do it which IMO means not depriving her of both milk and mummy at the same time.