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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my neighbour is an arse?

27 replies

LondonNinja · 08/07/2010 15:59

Background: she carried out eight months of noisy building work while I was pregnant and had my newborn DD to look after - after saying it would take 12 weeks max. I couldn't live at home for some time during pregnancy and as a new mum.

She asked us to speak to her builder if we had any issues with the work and they were fine dealing with us asking about the duration etc as months rolled on. I know people are allowed to have work done on their homes, but all I wanted was to KNOW how long it would take so I could arrange where my baby and I would live. I had had a difficult delivery (was pretty ill before the birth and had a CS), so needed rest.

We had a little bit of stuff done on our place and she moaned that one day - ONE day! - she had to go cycling to 'get away from the noise. Big effing deal. I had to MOVE OUT.

Anyway, her work's (hopefully) all done and she now blanks me in the street, having stood on my doorstep accusing me (via my incredulous husband) of 'harassing' her (i.e. speaking to her builders - as she had asked us to do!!).

So, we have a bad relationship. OK, well, I can live with that, but last week we had our back door open due to the heat and the cow shoved our door shut with a broom handle - because my nine-mth-old DD had - crime of crimes - been babbling away. I didn't see this or I would have shoved it where the sun doesn't shine but my DH did. She also walks around her (tiny, terraced cottage) with her high heels on on the wood floor, so it sounds like a fucking donkey lives there.

The door-closing thing is the last straw. What are we supposed to do? Keep our place shut in the heat in case she hears our baby?! I am fuming. The more I think about it, the angrier I am because we spent money we don't have putting in carpet (to absorb noise) and even had sodding soundproofing stuck on the walls for the neighbours' and our benefit.

OP posts:

TubbyDuffs · 08/07/2010 16:01

She is an arse!

iMum · 08/07/2010 16:01

get a hook for your door?

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/07/2010 16:05

get a higher fence so she can't reach, then pull the carpets up so she can hear exactly what you can hear. I'd tell her to piss off regarding the building, then firmly explain that your work isn's going to last anywhere near the 8 months of hell she's put you through, like you, she'll have to put up with it or move out.

blackberryway · 08/07/2010 16:06

YANBU and she's been an arse but you better be sure you can live with it because it sounds very tense. She's got no right to mess with your door so wedge it open and your DH should have told her off if he saw her but she's got a perfect right to wear high-heels and anything else she likes in her own home. Perhaps you could have a break away with your DD and try to get some perspective.

fruitshootsandheaves · 08/07/2010 16:08

secretly plant some cannabis plants in her vegetable patch. Wait a few weeks. Then report the 'suspicious looking vegetables'
Put up a fake planning application notice near your house, intending to build a beagle rescue kennels in your back garden. Snigger when you picture her phoning council to complain
give her address to lots of companies who will send her junk mail for ever more
record DD babbling, hide device in garden and leave it playing, make sure you shut your back door.

no useful answers but all very satisfying

colditz · 08/07/2010 16:09

tell her that if she shoves your door again, you will inspect it closely for ANY marks found, and if there is the slightest scuff you will have her charged with trespass and criminal damage.

WE all know you won't, but petty people tend to assume everone else is equally petty

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/07/2010 16:11

I would get a taller fence and ignore her.

katkit · 08/07/2010 16:20

what a cow! she's obviously miserable in her own life. make sure she can hear how very happy you and your family are, eg. say in loud voice 'i really have the best DP and baby ever', 'oh dp you really are wonderful' etc etc. it will wind her up more to hear you happy than to hear you upset and misrerable.

oldmum42 · 08/07/2010 16:57

YANBU. Get a secure fence and gate. You have a young child to think of and need no other reason, but it will keep her away from your door - the bloody cheek of her, closing your door like that!

emptyshell · 08/07/2010 17:27

So you're annoyed because she had building work done, and you're annoyed because she walks around her house in heels?

Yeah she sounds a bit loopy but to be honest it sounds like you're both winding each other up with noise and stuff equally. You can either sit and fester on it and have a horrible summer, or you can let it roll, wedge your door open and ignore it - because it sounds like the pair of you are making yourselves equally miserable.

Or I can trade you a neighbour who blares Black Sabbath out into the back garden most days on a summer... you have to live near people, you have to learn to get on - perhaps your baby's noise is bothering them like their building work bothered you?

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other to be honest.

muffinmonster · 08/07/2010 18:42

She does sound like an arse. All the same, I don't suppose that she was any more pleased than you were when the building work took eight months instead of three.

LittleMissHissyFit · 08/07/2010 18:44

Am loving Fruitshoots ideas....

trixymalixy · 08/07/2010 20:51

TBH you both sound as bad as each other.

Unfortunately building work does need to be done sometimes and it generally does overrun.

I feel sorry for you that it coincided with the birth of your baby, but it does sound like you gave her builders an unnecessarily hard time.

However her pushing the door shut was way out of order.

allbie · 08/07/2010 21:17

How close is your backdoor to her? I'm with Fruitshoot...

LuluF · 08/07/2010 21:24

Yep - I'm with Fruitshoot too - and get a hook for your door.

GwennieF · 08/07/2010 21:32

Pushing your door shut could have been quite dangerous - your DC might be at the crawling stage and could have been holding on to the door jam. They could have quite easily have lost a finger!

Weegle · 08/07/2010 21:39

hmm, sounds 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other

her building work wqas over this awful winter just past? of course it over ran! that wasn't their fault!

I think you've both escalated it and made a bad situation arise.

You get a hook for your door and become and decent a reasonable neighbour. Maybe even be the bigger person and apologise if she thinks you 'harassed' her builder - blame it on the hormones and stress but say you all need to live amicably now and what can be done moving forward.

Frankly you're all behaving like children.

emptyshell · 08/07/2010 21:58

Yeah I'd missed the point about the building work overrunning - the entire country froze to an icicle! No wonder it went on beyond schedule!

You're both so peed off with each other you're seeing things aimed at you that aren't there - people make noise, not everyone enjoys the noise of other people's children, and people sit there and get wound up about building work noise (one of my neighbours must stalk me - he always manages to bang and drill on days I get to lie in for the odd half an hour). Getting wound up and describing how she walks around the house specifically to make noise to annoy you - that's ridiculous, as is her reaching over to push your door shut - just wedge it next time.

Pair of you need to calm down or you'll both end up on neighbours from hell with sandbags and broomsticks and guard turrets down the front garden though.

beammeupscotty · 08/07/2010 22:15

Our ex neighbour used to lean over the garden fence (it was high - he stood on a bench!) and ripped out our clematis - on our side of the fence!! This was if we parked in front of his house. He had a double driveway, and could also comfortably park 2 cars outside his house. He had one car. We set up a camera and caught him at it, took it to the police and he was done for criminal damage. Ha Ha Ha.

We had 3 cars (3 of us in house) only occasionally did we park outside his house if we had visitors. We endured years of verbal abuse and plant abuse before we retaliated. He also dented my daughters car and swore at her husband when they came back from their honeymoon!

Get a high fence and a camera, unfortunately if you back down to the likes of your neighbour they walk over you even more.

Original poster

LondonNinja · 08/07/2010 22:42

Thanks for the support but I also need to clarify a few things:

I didn't say she deliberately walks around in her noisy heels. But she must know it sounds stupidly loud late at night. The man the other side of her commented he hears her leave home at 3am at times. The heels have woken us up!
The building work took eight months. She said it would take three months - in order to get us to sign an agreement she needed to proceed. She said the noisy work would be finished swiftly. Oh, the work started last bloody July and finished this spring - because, according to the builder,she kept changing her mind.
We spoke to the builders politely because she requested that we did so!
She poked her broom over a high fence to shove the door.
The houses are tiny, little better than flats. And, having said that, I'm tempted to bury the hatchet (I won't say the obvious! for the sake of my stress levels and my child. I tried saying hello and smiling etc (before the door incident) but she blanked me. We bumped into the former residents of our house - they said she was highly strung!!

OP posts:

blackberryway · 09/07/2010 00:43

Yes,she should be! (copyright Fawlty Towers) But...you really sound as if you're taking it too far and letting it get in your head too much. This type of neighbour shit is annoying because on the one hand it really really grates on you as an invasion of your home life and on the other it just comes across as very petty to outsiders. My neighbour messes with my bins, leaves his dog to bark for hours, has the TV SO LOUD you can hear it through the wall etc etc
You're living cramped up together so it's almost a foregone conclusion that things she does are going to upset you and vice-versa.

I would try again at talking to her - you don't have to bury the hatchet exactly (knuckle dusters will do) just force her to speak to you so that at least it's back on something lika an adult level. You've been on a physical and emotional roller coaster with a new baby so like I said earlier, it would probably be nice for you to have a proper break away to enjoy your time with DD and calm down.

Original poster

LondonNinja · 10/07/2010 11:08

True, blackberryway. Thanks .

I've decided it's the least stressful way forward (despite the fact I want to give her a piece of my mind!). Onwards and (grown)-upwards

OP posts:

proudnsad · 10/07/2010 11:16

When I first read this I thought an actual cow had shoved your door closed!!

ANYWAY we lived next door to the wicked witch of the west. I could write a book about the nasty things she did..

We ignored, ignored, ignored. Then one day when she turned up on doorstep with a complaint I said 'I know you are very sad and lonely and have no friends or visitors...would you like to come in for a cup of tea'. She seriously nearly combusted. It was soooo satisfying. Anyway, we moved.

mintyfresh · 10/07/2010 12:15

She sounds horrible LondonNinja YANBU

I like proudnsad's retaliation strategy

FranSanDisco · 10/07/2010 12:22

I think you are very restrained over the door incident - bloody cheeky mare. Ignore her in the street. I ignore my neighbours who are beyond description. Works well for us

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