DP's ex visiting our home - I don't want open house

[Caughtinthemiddle]

My DP's wife left him years ago for another man. Their three teenagers stayed with my DP. Then I met DP and we've been together for some years and have two DCs.

Recently one of my DP's children became ill (walking wounded). She's now adult but her mum still wants to see her as much as possible. Ex-wife's new man doesn't like her family visiting her at their home.

Since she works full time, I suggested she feel free to visit any evening plus weekends as long as she gives DP a quick call first. I'm not keen on her being around when DP is out because she is unpredictable & prone to hissy fits.

All seemed happy with this until she started yelling at me in the street, saying I was keeping her from her child. I hate scenes so retreated and let DP deal with it.

But am I being unreasonable? I just don't want her in the house when I'm in the shower or getting the little ones out in the morning.

You're not being unreasonable, but her partner is. What a twat he must be.

Hi

I think you're being totally reasonable asking for a quick call before she comes round. You should not have to put up with being yelled at in the street. DP should back you up on this and deal with her behaviour. His ex is his problem, not yours! (Her partner could take a leaf out of your book).

Best wishes

Sounds to me as though she's projecting her issues with her new DP on to you. He's the one who is really keeping her from her children.

YANBU

I'd go one further and say that after that incident there is no way the damn woman was entering my house! But then I'm not as tolerant, forgiving or patient as many here.

Given that the offspring is an adult and "walking wounded" is it unfeasible for the two to meet elsewhere?

At the very least I'd say that you are perfectly reasonable to tell DH that you are only prepared to have the wretched woman at your home when he is there.

(Despite my kinder suggestions I'd still go with telling her to piss off though!).

YAB far more R than is required and unless she appreciates that pronto then I'd say she's no longer welcome in your home

FFS what is she doing with a bloke who doesn't want her children in her house??

Thanks all. The "keeping her from her child" bit really hit home. I know I'd hate someone keeping me away from my DCs.

Chippingin, I think you're right. Her new man is weird and very controlling.

YANBU.

Simply tell her that she either comes to your house according to your arrangements or she can have her kids round to her house (once she's convinced her H to stop being a twat). Her choice!