Being a uncomfortable pregnant bridesmaid

[Hermya321]

Hello,

Need a bit of advice, my friend is getting married in a couple of weeks and has asked me to be a Bridesmaid. It's all rather last minute and a bit rushed, so we haven't had time to go do 'proper' shopping. I'm also 24 weeks pregnant.

She's ordered my dress off of the internet, first dress came and it was too tight and looked rather unflattering. It's very low cut, not something I'd really wear and felt quite uncomfy with it. Had a bit of a cry, decided I was being a bit OTT/hormonal and ordered the next size up to try and fix the tightness issue.

Next size up arrives, and I put it on and cue same reaction and have now am seriously thinking of asking if I can drop out as a Bridesmaid.

I also discovered a new lot of stretch marks on my boobs which show when the dress is on.

The thing is, I'm feeling very body conscious at the moment and am not feeling at 'home' in my newly pregnant shape. I'm normally quite confident and comfortable with myself (pre pregnancy) but since becoming pregnant my shape has changed a heck of a lot in a short space of time. I'm not really feeling all that comfortable with being on display as a Bridesmaid, the dress makes me feel very exposed and I don't feel it flatters me at all. The thought of standing up in front of everyone when I'm feeling like this in a dress which causes such an extreme reaction in me is making me feel really upset.

I know it's a honour to be asked to be a Bridesmaid, but would I be unreasonable in asking to take a backseat or am I just being a bit OTT again?

are you the only bridesmaid?

Could you just talk to her about having a different dress?

Gosh I don't think you're being OTT at all. If you had time to sort out a lovely dress which fitted you properly and flattered your pregnancy figure then it would be a completely different thing, but you haven't.

How well do you get on with your friend? If she is a nice, understanding type of person either tell her the truth, or make a really polite excuse. for example say you are not feeling very well, but you are very much looking forward to spending her special day with her - just not as a bridemaid. You could even do "bridesmaidly" type duties. e.g. looking after any little ones, being a practical support to her. Just not wearing the dress.

fwiw my 2 best friends were in their 30s when I got married and would have worn a frilly dress had I asked. I chose instead to have younger bridesmaids but my friends were absolutely fab and a real support. Organised hen night, spent the night before the wedding with me. Came early in the morning on The Day and were a soothing presence. One was witness. In my mind they were thhe real bridesmaids, just didn't wear the dresses or sit at the top table.

No I'm not the only Bridesmaid, I want to be there and support her but as a backseat bridesmaid as Onepiece says.

Can you say that to her without any offence being taken?

Alternatively if it is just the dress say to her that you feel physically uncomfortable in such a fitted dress, make out is squashed your bump/tender boobs or whatever. (then you are not criticising the style) Say you will need to go shopping with her or send her some ideas online?

My FILS wife is a dressmaker she has this a lot she alters them so the pg lady look good, comfy and matches try taking it to a seamstress.

My friend rang me, I did explain how I felt and asked if I could take a step back from the public aspect.

She said she felt quite hurt by me saying this and was going away to think about it and process it. I feel horrid for doing this, it's only a short period of time until her wedding (only knew it was happening a couple of weeks back).

I'm hoping that when she comes back to me, things will go ok and she'll be understanding. I still feel I've done the right thing in speaking to her. But it was a horrid conversation and I ended up in tears.

Don't feel bad, I understand completely as I did this to my sister who asked me to be her bridesmaid when I would have been 8m pg. I really didn't want to be the focus of attention and stand out in photos etc with my bump! Luckily my lovely sis was completely understanding and let me take a backseat role, sure your friend will too when she has had a chance to think about it from your pov.

Just to update, although she said she was hurt she seemed ok and I'm going to take a more backseat role. Thank you for your advice and support though, it's been much appreciated.

Please don't feel bad, she has rather sprung it on you at the last moment!

Has your friend ever been pregnant? Because I think people who haven't been find it hard to empathise and really understand just how strange and vulnerable you feel during your first pregnancy. I know that when I get PG again I won't get those feelings so much, but your first PG it is a struggle to come to terms with it all sometimes I think.

Good luck, and I hope your friend is understanding.

Alibaba No she hasn't, but she was as understanding as she could be. I suppose you can't really ask for much more really can you.

Oh we x-posted Pleased that she is understanding