regarding my Nan's headstone

[veyron]

I am new so please, ladies be gentle!

Ok, My dear Nan (Maternal) sadly passed away two years ago, we had a lovely service for her, she was cremated and then her ashes were buried at our family plot. She was quite clear on the headstone she would like, her parents have been buried there since the early 70s with no headstone.

My uncle (my maternal aunts husband) passed away aged 52 of cancer. One of his wishes were for his ashes to be scattered at our family plot, his family do not have a family plot.

To cut a long story short, I recently got married and decided that I wanted to place my bouquet at my Nan's resting place and was shocked to see the new headstone that said 'Mum and Husband' I was really shocked by this because as far as I understand it my Nan paid for her headstone. There is no mention of 'Nan' (she has three Granddaughters and several Great Granddaughters)I feel I want to mention it to one of my other Aunties to see what their opinions on the matter are. I am really not comfortable with it at all.

AIBU to mention it?

Do you mean that your nan no longer has a headstone? If so i would be outraged. Do mention it to your family.

Sorry I was rather unclear on that.

It is her headstone that was paid for by money from her estate. But now it seems to have been partly hi-jacked by my late uncle... This makes me sound like a cold hearted bitch but I was so, so close to my Nan and it just seems wrong.

Well, since you can't usually have two headstones at a grave I don't see any problem with the additional wording as long as it was not paid out of your Nan's money.

I had a very similar situation.

When my dad died, my mother got his headstone done and it reads very simply his name, his birth and death dates and then a line of his fav poem.

It is very elegant but there is no mention ofthe factthat he was a loving and devoted dad or that he had 26 grandchild. Being a husband and father and being a grandfather were the most important things to him and they are not on there.

It does upset me but I have chosen not to talk about it or make an issue of it.

He and i know the truth of it - as do my siblings and all the grandchildren. Ultimately that is the main thing.

I can understand your upset but make a scene about it will not change things and I suspect you will end up feeling worse

was your nan clear in her will what she would like on her headstone and what she wanted spent?

Can you ask the executors of the will what has happened?

My Grandads headstone has name and dates and then "beloved wife to agnes (insert surname)" with a space for her details to be added when she dies and is buried in the same plot.

Under that, there is wording to the effect of Also remembering our daughter Alison (my mum) who died in (insert town) on (insert date) with a space under for my aunts details to be added.

No mention of grandchildren or great grandchildren. We (as in me,my dad and my brother) were also not informed that there was wording on the headstone re my mum. It was a huge shock, as we had cremated my mum and scattered her ashes on the beach close to where she grew up - her own wishes. She didnt want a permenant memorial.

Its all very difficult with families, but there has to be an element of biting tongues as to not upset those still living.