...to be angry at being Gina Ford-ed?

[CheerfulSoul]

A friend of mine got out her Gina Ford book and proceeded to tell me what my very happy and content 4mo dd should be doing.

Why should my perfectly happy baby be expected to conform to someone else's schedule?

Whether GF works or not, surely the problem here is the feeling of interference from friend?

It's taken me 3.5 years from birth of DS to develop a skin of any thickness at all, where unsolicited opinions on my mothering are concerned. A friend getting a book out like that would still really piss me off. But a thick skin is essential wear for the modern mother - people are going to carry on having (diametrically opposed) opinions about everything you do for years.

I tried to follow Gina Ford - ended up doing my own version of it. Apart from sleeping through the night (which didn't kick in until 9 months) it worked pretty well...

It was nice in the first few weeks just having someone telling me what to do, as it was all I could do to remember to breathe!

BUT, I forget to say that I would be seriously pissed off with someone telling me what to do. I get enough useless and unsolicited orders advice from my mother!

Oh dippymare, what absolute tosh. My DDs have been at CMs since 8 months, both settled immediately and happily, having naps in rooms much less dark and more noisy than at home. If they are good sleepers, they are good sleepers, if not then no routine, GF or not, will change that.

My CM always says what lovely adaptable kids I've got, and thanks heaven that they have a good sleep in the day so aren't screaming nightmares like some of her other mindees.

GF is not inflexible, and it worked fine for me. Won't for others. Same as FF/BF, CC/anti-CC, BLW/purees, blah blah blah, yawn yawn. Everyone does things their own way, its life. There is no right answer.

Hmmm, is this is a pro/anti SWSNBN thread by stealth?

What's your point OP? You'll be getting 'advice' from everyone, on everything - its called being a mum - just ignore it if its not relevant to you.

I had a routine, but it was MY routine, which suited ME and MY family. For example, we always had fairly late bedtimes so dh could put dcs to bed. I couldn't imagine following something so rigid out of a book that disregarded how you want to structure your own life.

But it works for some of you, I guess, and it isn't up to me (or any other mum) to say it's the right/wrong thing to do.

I suspect your friend is worried that your child is abnormal in some way.

If your 4 month old is anything like mine she'll be at ease in social situations, be able to speak a few words without resorting to foul language and be starting to prepare herself nutritional meals. If your child can do these things then you have nothing to worry about.

Sorry lukewarm for sweeping statement on GF and cms , was more referring to mums who insist on exact GF routines whilst dc at cms because may work at home but not realistic to insist on all of it at cms. Think GF is all very well for those who find the routines helpful but she can also make new mums who are turning to her books in desperation feel inadequate with helpful gems like "none of my babies have ever had colic..."

Don't get why you are angry about it. Lots of people have opinions/theories/methods for all sorts of aspects of child-rearing. Some are more able to live and let live, some feel the need to evangelise a bit about their own method and/or interfere a bit when others don't use it.

But you haven't been "Gina Ford-ed", you've had an opinion expressed to you that you disagree with and it's over the top to get angry about it.

Don't know if you have other DC but I expect hundreds of people through life will think they can tell you what you/your DC ought to be doing about things, and unless it becomes a relentless torrent of criticism from your friend that you are unable to politely deflect, then there's no point getting worked up about it.

dippymare, no probs - think that was actually me you're thinking of Although I did use to sweat quietly at work, not actually say anything, if DD1 was having a late nap or whatever. To be fair, the CM tried a few things and eventually fell into pretty much the same routine! PFB? Moi? Ahem...

Works great for some people (who may then feel the need to evangelise) and their babies and is REALLY not for others. Not worth getting upset about - just tell her it's not for you.

Just wondering if anyone else sees the irony in hating people telling you how to parent but being happy to read parenting books... (ones written by childless women at that)

I have to admit I have never read GF my girls now older were very easy babies and we developed our own flexible routines.

My only experience of GF was on a flight back from Singapore, family in front of us 2 DC, 1 under 1, the other 2+. Absolute nightmare, cried and played up the whole time, father had no clue, mother useless. Children not distressed or in pain, just miserable and not being entertained, plus tired as it was their night. After about 4 hours I asked the mother why her children couldn't settle. The answer - I follow GF and my children only sleep on their own bed in a completely dark, silent room.
So I asked if she could not pacify them in anyway. No it is their sleep time was the reply. I have to admit I did then question why she had brought them on a long haul flight and apparently they were ex-pats on a visit back to the UK.

They whined for the rest of the flight.

"Ok. I've never read any GF books but I'm finding it a bit scary that young babies are expected to sleep 12 hours straight! Both my bf boys needed fed during the night. There is no way I would have left them for 12 hours! Does she recommend putting them in a seperate room at that age too because there's no way you could ignore a baby in the same room as you! "

Its obvious you've never read the books. Babies are not "expected" to sleep 12 hours, its something to work towards. Its quite late in the book they drop the 10:30pm ish feed I think - mine did it before "hers" did if I recall correctly.

Yes, she recommends a separate room - but she never says to ignore them!

I didn't "do" Gina Ford but I did read it, along with various other books, during my 3 months of bedrest. She is one of the most misquoted authors ever. She has only herself to blame with her dreadful writing style but still.

It was interesting, like all the other books. Food for thought. That's all parenting books are, arent' they? Food for thought.

Good post Sloany. it's easy to caricature what GF says, for instance about "leaving to cry" .

" I suspect your friend is worried that your child is abnormal in some way." I really don't think that is necessarily the case at all - my sister-in-law is already giving me strident instructions that I need to use the gina ford book and I am only 26 weeks pregnant!! People just like to interfere and give advice / tell you what to do.

I am lucky though that my mother and mother-in-law both have had 4 children, and rather than telling me what I should do when the baby arrives have made a being point of saying how every child is different so there is no 'right way' or 'wrong way' to do things (e.g with reference to routine vs baby led etc)

Shimmery: GF is for formula fed babies I think

Bollocks. I BF ds until 5 months on GF and it worked really well for me.

Shimmery GF's emphasis is very much on establishing succesful BF. Re-reading her book when I had DS2, I felt sorry for people who have to FF as there is practically no advice at all for them for the first few weeks; BF is assumed.

I was going spare trying to BF my DS1 what felt like 24 hours a day. GF's book helped me try to condense the feeds into big ones at certain times, instead of little ones which I stopped from relief the second he dropped off to sleep on the breast, only to have him wake up and want more ten minutes later. In no time he was sleeping properly, my boobs were recovering, I was sleeping, and we were 100 times happier.

Don't want to turn this into a GF thread. But sometimes some people - like me - really are clueless and they need advice like GF gives. The advice itself may be a no-brainer to some people but to others it's a miraculous revelation.

So she goes against SIDS advice by recommending seperate rooms and encourages timetabled rather than baby led breastfeeding? Nope, does not sound good to me. In fact, it sounds downright dangerous wrt seperate rooms for young babies. I also think it would encourage bf women to watch the clock rather than their babies for feeding cues. Not good!

Agree with other posters, don't you have the spine or bollocks to say to her , well actually we're doing quite nicely, thank you very much.
Lots of posters dissing GF as per usual. Dissing something you've never tried. I am neither pro or anti GF. I read the book. didn't follow it to the tee. just used some of her ideas. no one had ever given me a timetable before of how long a bay should sleep for so i had NO IDEA. i never felt guilty or bothered or anyhting by it.

it seems a shame that women can't read a book and take WHAT THEY WANT from it.

I have. taken a bit from Alfie Kohn, a bit from 'How to talk', read steve biddulph and disagreed with bits, but agreed with other bits. 'oh i read karmel's meals and i feel so guilty'. nonsense. don't let anyone or any book make you feel bad.

I read the book, thought "Dear God, that's complicated".

The only routine I insist on is bedtime. I spent 7pm-8pm getting them to bed (bath, book, last BF etc) no children outside of beds after 8pm unless for a very good reason (and obviously if we are out and about) - I do BF at night though if they yell (well not the 6yo).

DS2 at 15 weeks feeds every hour/2 hours through the day but he goes from 8pm until almost 6am most nights so I can live with that even though it can get trying.

As someone else said different strokes etc.

GF is all about bf, not ff, if you actually read the book, and she also emphasises that regardless of routine, if baby is hungry you should feed him/her. I really think people who criticise her think she is saying you should leave a baby crying with hunger if it's not 'time' for a feed. Not true at all! At no point does she say that, and several times stresses that hungry babies must be fed.

She also does not go against SIDS advice. I just checked my book in case I was losing the plot.

'Like most parents you will probably have your baby sleeping in your room with you during the night'. She says about putting baby in his/her own room for naps during the day etc, but then it's about transferring baby to your room overnight.

It doesn't suit lots of people and lots of people may disagree with a lot of the advice, but all this leaving a hungry baby because of a routine and ignoring SIDS advice is a myth really.

I did it for my first because it worked well and not for my second because it wouldn't have worked well.

Bubbleymummy the latest edition of the books (well at least the booked aimed at Mums with baby No.2 on the way but I expect CLB has been revised too) does recommend baby to be in the same room as parent(s) for naps and night time sleep until 6 months in line with current SIDS guidance.

I picked the book up in a charity shop, read the page where it said I had to be up before 7am and thought "bugger that" and put it back.

There is a very useful skill to learn when you become a mother. The art of letting what people say go in one ear then straight out the other. If you develop it whilst your child is a baby it will save you many years of raised blood pressure, trust me !

I didn't GF and both my babies slept through from five weeks old. How can anyone follow a book when all babies are different? I agree with Rollmops totally!