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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let me sister take my son on holiday?

17 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 07/07/2010 13:59

my sister, 26 and recently married, has asked if she can take my eldest, 9, on holiday. for 5 days.
now me and the bloke, dont really have a good rel with her. she comes across as thinking she is better than everyone, and thinks nothing of being openly rude and ignoring family members when it suits her.
she treats our boy like he is a baby, but refuses to allow him to act like a child. for instance, she refuses to give the kids presents unless they are educational, and questions them about what they are doing at school BUT then thinks that some one should be right with them when they are anywhere. thinks it totally wrong to allow the kids to run off ( within eyesight) at the park, thinks you should hold their hand all the time when out etc, but has no kids of her own so really has no clue.
she seems to think that my hubby shouldnt have a say in sons life, and if he answers the phone to her, she wont ask him things, she will have to wait to talk to me.
she NEVER looks after him. ( or any of them) on her own. has never lived on her own, and i dont think is particuarly capable to look after my son in a foreign counrty.
sooo
ive said no.
and she has gone ape shit.
and so has my mum and other sister.
they think that as his aunt, it is her right to have him go away with her...
am i being out of order?

OP posts:
mamsnet · 07/07/2010 14:01

OMG no!

I thought you might have been talking about a long weekend camping or something.. and even then..

No way!

swallowedAfly · 07/07/2010 14:03

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/07/2010 14:03

Maybe I''m being dim, but why would she want to take her nephew on holiday?
YANBU by the way.

loopyloops · 07/07/2010 14:07

No, YANBU but is she doing this for your son's benefit or her own? A friend of mine keeps asking to have DD (1yr) sleep over at her house and I just can't fathom why. I think it's because she has no kids and wants to prove to herself/OH/her parents??? that she can handle it.
But no, she doesn't sound responsible enough.

Maybe suggest that she looks after him a bit more regularly and when he's a bit older she can.

OutOutLetItAllOut · 07/07/2010 14:12

she wants to take him to a country that she will be moving to soon. so i think part of it is her showing him her new place. and i have no probs with him going away with other family members, but she is an old woman in her mindset, but a child in the way she lives...ie, with my parents, never on her own. always out with our mum, never lived with the man she married. just random and weird.

OP posts:
muffint · 07/07/2010 14:20

YANBU. Doesn't sound like he'd have a nice time and you don't seem confident that he'll be treated well. I definitely wouldn't allow this. How would she cope if he was really homesick?

gorionine · 07/07/2010 14:24

What is your Ds relatioship with her? does he enjoy spending time with her or not?

Al1son · 07/07/2010 14:28

YANBU.

I think you could be severely criticised for letting her take him if things went wrong out there. She does not have a right to take him. In fact she has no rights legally or morally to take him anywhere.

He is your son and your responsibility so it is your decision. By your and mean you and your DH.

Just stick to your guns and they'll get over it.

TubbyDuffs · 07/07/2010 14:31

Does your son even want to go with her?

YANBU, reason enough is that you'd miss him!

Callisto · 07/07/2010 14:33

Can't believe your family are cross with you about this. It's utterly bizarre that a woman who has had no experience of looking after a child on her own thinks she has a right to your son whenever she wants. And it sounds like your son will be unhappy. That alone would be enough for me to say no.

twopeople · 07/07/2010 14:42

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GeekOfTheWeek · 07/07/2010 14:49

YANBU at all.

My ds1 is 10. He is off on holiday with his dads parents (his dad won't be there) this month for 10 long days However, it is a great opportunity for him and I trust them to take good care of him.

I wouldn't let him go with someone I didn't feel comfortable with.

swallowedAfly · 07/07/2010 15:16

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thumbwitch · 07/07/2010 15:18

YANBU - if she's never looked after him on her own before, doing so for 5 days in a foreign country is not the place to start. She has a screw loose somewhere and so do the rest of your family.

OutOutLetItAllOut · 07/07/2010 15:43

the longest she has ever looked after him 1 on 1 is for a day, and then putin him to bed at our parents house, with our parents there.
he loves spending time with her, but also gets fed up of being treated like a baby. so if i asked him he would say he wanted to go, bbut i know he would be really home sick!

OP posts:
lazarusb · 07/07/2010 16:55

My mil & fil wanted to take our dd on holiday and we said no (various reasons). Your sister has no automatic rights to your ds and I think you made the right decision for the right reasons...However, I do think you should ask him and let him have some say in this.

addictedishavingagirl · 07/07/2010 17:05

yanbu - its one thing to offer but to go 'apeshit' about it is just unreasonable!

i've offered to take my brother (3yo) away with me and dh i have a good relationship with my mum and my brother loves spending time with me and dh and loves staying over at our house (probably because he gets away with murder) but when my mum says no, i respect that she is his mum and move on. sounds like she has got a lot of growing up to do!

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