about my mum's behaviour when I'm pregnant?

[huffpuff75]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant after a MC earlier in the year. My mum (who is difficult anyway) seems to be getting worse. I had a scan at 6 weeks after some bleeding, and when I told her everything was OK she said 'Yes well, I have to buy a birthday card for so and so. I had to have another scan at 8 weeks after more bleeding and that time she said the pic of the baby 'looks like a nest of rats'. She now expects after a full day at work I will run round immediately to do whatever she asks even though I am completely exhausted every night. Just a few examples of her current behaviour - am I wrong to be really upset with her?

DH doesn't want me to upset her as she looks in on our dog two days during the week, but then he also says I shouldn't let her behave like that. (Bit upset with him too actually!)

yanbu i think the nest of rats comment is very hurtful, has she not heard of say something nice or keep quiet??

Time to give her some serious space I think. She'll soon get the message when you don't keep her informed any more.
[shakes head and sighs]
YADNBU!

YANBU

Why do you run round after work every evening when you are exhausted to do things for her? Even if she were otherwise being nice to you, you need to take it easy and she and your DH need to understand that.

Now is probably not the time to get into a full-scale row with your mum over anything, so I would try to avoid confronting her and just avoid her, at least in the evenings so that you can rest and not be exposed to too much toxic parenting.

BTW, great news about your pregnancy, and getting to 12 weeks after a couple of scares. I hope it all goes swimmingly from here on in.

Oh - and take it easy duckie - the stress and exhaustion can't be helping and you need to look after YOURSELF. Don't be afraid to say no or get your DP to run the errands for your mum. You can't do everything, and you need to look after your health (and baby).

Ttalloo- we x-posted! I think we must be ubertelepathic!!

Wow supportive mum! Log it all down now so you can remember what NOT to do when your little one is born

Anyway congrats on your little one (even if he does look like a nest of rats) mine looked a bit like a cat's face my SIL said... (although I was more upset.. when I realised it did look a bit like a cat's face!)

I am 12 weeks too btw!

Always very pleasing when that happens, rewardgirl!

In the early weeks my Mum was decidedly odd with me when I was preg with DD2 after 2 mcs. When I told her I was preg there were no congratulations just a "well , we'll see how it goes" and then no more talk about it at all. At the time I was really hurt, but now I see that she was worried about me and didn't want to seem too excited in case anything went wrong.

Its up to you to say no to her re running errands etc, you need to look after yourself and your baby.

Congrats on pregnancy - I know how worrying it all is when you've had a previous mcxx

Thanks everyone - for the support and the congrats. I am trying to ignore her, but it can be difficult to do. I know my priority is the little one and as I have said to DH, mum's going to have a lot of growing up to do when she realises that once baby lands, I AM IN CHARGE!

Firawla - she definitely hasn't heard of the say something nice or nothing at all rule. And sanielle I am currently compiling a mental 'how not to parent' guide based on her

So I am taking all your advice - no rows, space, and relax and look after the emerging bump. x

lal123 - I tried to put it down to worry, but I am inclined to think its just selfishness at the mo. If I was feeling more charitable...

a nest of rats?? yanbu... im pissed off that my mil keeps referring to baby as laa laa cos aparently it looks like a tellitubby!

a nest of rats?? yanbu... im pissed off that my mil keeps referring to baby as laa laa cos aparently it looks like a tellitubby!

Oh just ignore her, she's probably jealous.

Does that mean you'll have a christmas baby, How lovely, congratulations.

My mum hates it when I ask her to feel the baby kicking, its like I`m asking her to stroke a turd or something. If it was my daughter I would be delighted to feel it.

I dont ask her anymore.

I would not be in contact with her for a while.

My mother behaved oddly when I was pregnant with my first. I was devastated at her behaviour. In the end I didn't contact her for 6 weeks.

Apparently ( my sister asked her in the end what her problem was) she didn't feel ready to become a Granny and saw it as a statement of her decline in her own life.

With my 2nd pregnancy we phoned her whilst in the way to the hospital just to say I was in labour and going to the maternity unit. She said "well I can't talk now I am getting ready for work." I nearly didn't phone her to tell her when baby arrived. but OH made me be the bigger person.

Some mothers do not fall into the Grandmother role in the idylic way you imagine. But there is some hope as my mother adores my children now. I hardly speak to her but the kids and her get on brilliantly.

Get a dog sitter - dh should not be putting the dog above you!!

After a mc you will be feeling stressed enough so just wind down the contact and stop running around after her! Let dh do it if he's so worried.
And congrats!!