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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about teenage son flying alone?

41 replies

miniadventure · 07/07/2010 06:51

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet so I hope this is the right place to start this topic...my 16 year old son is off to europe soon and flying alone.We will take him to the airport and he will be met by his friend and their family after the flight.I've been so anxious going through the 'what if?' questions!He has only ever travelled with us in the past.

I'm awake early every day thinking supposing he doesn't get met at the other end, what if the plane is very delayed etc etc. My husband has tried to reassure me but it doesn't stop me from worrying.
I wondered if any of you have been in a similar situation and have any advise? Thank you

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 07/07/2010 07:11

He will be fine! I know how you feel but as my DH and DS say-he is a big boy now!!(he is still my baby)
Is he happy? Has he got a mobile? If he has he can contact you with a problem.Delay is no problem-he just waits-boring but nothing more. I'm sure that his friend will meet him. If not he goes to a help desk.
My DS was 18 but he had to fly back from the US alone with a change of plane in Chicago. I was worried-he wasn't-it was fine. Be positive!

Original poster
miniadventure · 07/07/2010 07:17

Hi piscesmoon and thanks! He seems a bit anxious but not too bad-it's just me. I have two older children and I was less protective with them I think... perhaps it's because my son is the 'baby'!

He will have a mobilephone with him and I'm going to try and make sure that he can use it abroad.I have a feeling that once he has let me know he has arrived safely I will relax a bit. I will be so relived when he is there safely. I'm pleased to hear that your son travlled and it all went smoothly.
Thanks for replying

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 07/07/2010 07:20

Well, if you're worried, discuss it with him. Talk about what he should do if his plane is late, his friends don't meet him, etc.

Forewarned is forearmed. And wouldn't it be handy to have four arms?

hf128219 · 07/07/2010 07:22

Remember you can look at the Airports website and check the plane's status - for both the departure airport and the arrival airport.

He'll be fine

Original poster
miniadventure · 07/07/2010 07:27

yes you're both right.In my heart of hearts I know that he will be okay but it's just playing on my mind.I just want to know that he's safe. His older brother and sister tell me it will be good for him to go alone.I have had a chat with him about what to do if he arrives there and no one turns up to meet him-he thinks I'm fussing

OP posts:
nickschick · 07/07/2010 07:30

Its this letting go business isnt it?

I have a 16 year old too and I worry about him all the time I even when he went to college last year (in a rough part of Manchester -a long busride from home) made him ring me at a certain point and when he arrived.

I can understand your worries .....but once hes done it you will be so proud.

Original poster
miniadventure · 07/07/2010 07:41

yes it is nickschick.I was much better with my first two children but I do seem to have become far more anxious with my 16 year old.

I can completely understand how you were feeling about knowing that your son had arrived safely at college.

On the one hand I'm dreading him going away and on the other hand I'm almost willing the day to be here and over and done with so that I know he is there and safe and sound

OP posts:
mumblechum · 07/07/2010 07:51

I know exactly what you mean! DS (15) is flying alone to the States next month, involving a change at Denver after an 11 hour trip when he'll be shattered. It's only the change I'm bothered about, as well as the US customs who I've heard are a bit scary.

He's not worried at all and keeps saying he'll figure it out if there's a problem, but I'm fretting just as you are.

I guess as others have said all you can do is make sure they know what to do if there's a problem and stress that they must let keep you posted until they're safely met by their friends.

Good luck!

Original poster
miniadventure · 07/07/2010 08:06

thanks mumblechum...sometimes it's very sressful being a Mum isn't it?! I did contact the airline and asked for a gate pass so that I could sit with him until he boarded the plane but they told me that isn't possible now with all the increased security.
I have friends who let their children do all sorts of things and they never seem to worry and I do envy them.
I am sure that your son and mine will both be fine-it's just getting through the sleepless nights in the meantime.
I'll keep you posted on how he gets on

OP posts:
EricNorthmansmistress · 07/07/2010 08:08

I flew with my brother when I was 12 and he was 10 in the days before mobiles - pity my Mum!

Seriously, think of the worst case scenario. The plane is late? So the friends have to wait. He doesn't find his friend? So you make sure he has a mobile that works abroad so he can call them or you. Ummm...what else could happen? It's safer than taking a train - surely he's taken a train by himself before?

nickschick · 07/07/2010 08:10

Eric my ds hasnt been on a train alone lol.

LadyBiscuit · 07/07/2010 08:11

If he's sensible then really nothing is likely to go wrong apart from people being a bit inconvenienced if there are delays. Not like in the old days when it was possible to get on the wrong plane

I think this will be a good step for you - presumably he's going to leave home soon so this will help you start to let go

frakkit · 07/07/2010 08:16

Worst worst worst case scenario make sure he has enough money for a return ticket if necessary and the correct phrase in the local language for 'I need to go back to X'.

He's 16 - you don't need a gate pass

More likely:

He misses the plane - unlikely as you're persumably dropping him at the airport and giving him strict instructions. The first time I travelled alone I was at the gate weeeeell in advance just to be safe. I then went through a phase of being blasé about it and running for the plane carrying my cabin bag and heels because I'd been a bit too laid-back.

Plane is delayed - people meeting him will probably have checked this on a website.

They're not there - he needs to make sure his mobile works abroad and have their number.

His luggage gets lost/eaten by a machine/otherwise rerouted - tell him to talk to customer services, file a complaint and buy what he needs. Do you know the people he's going with well enough to have an arrangement so if the luggage does get lost it's okay?

Plane is diverted - again they'll check the site and usually transport is arranged to the original airport if it's close by. I've had friends diverted to Marseilles who've arrived by bus 3 hours late. I could have picked them up and it would have been quicker but easier logistically to let the airline deal with it.

Plane comes back home - you get a call (because he will have his mobile) saying 'Muuuum...can you pick me up?'

'Twill be fine

traumaqueen · 07/07/2010 08:25

Hmm - TBH I do think you are worrying a bit more than necessary if it's giving you sleepless nights. I hesitate to say YABU because you just can't help worrying. Maybe you need help to manage your worry - he's 16, and with older DCs you know there are far more worrying Firsts coming up (driving lessons, passing his test and driving alone, Reading Festival etc etc). Why do you worry about him I wonder?

Original poster
miniadventure · 07/07/2010 08:46

thanks everyone-I know I need to 'let go' and it will be great for him and good for me.
Thanks for your replies!

OP posts:
alibubbles · 07/07/2010 08:46

My two have been flying alone since 14, dependent on airline, some say 16 minimum, but that tends to be budget airlines.

They have flown long haul a lot, involving changes and when they were younger, we always used to let them lead us to next gate, passport, reclaim etc. It gave them confidence for when the came to do it on their own.

You know your child, he will be fine and you will both be proud of his independence.

The trouble is, they get a taste for it and start travelling to all sorts of far flung places before they are 20. Mine have done most of the world!

rhirhirhirirhi · 07/07/2010 08:46

I flew on my own to Germany when I was 8 (and this was only twelve years ago incidentally!) and I was absolutely fine. I had an air stewardess looking after me but obviously it was still a big trip to make, and I absolutely loved it! By the time I got to thirteen, airports didn't even give you a steward because you were deemed old enough to do it yourself! It's not exactly complex, very little can go wrong, and there are always lots of workers who can assist you if you do face any problems. To be honest I can sort of understand why you're worried but if your son is incapable of travelling on his own at the age of sixteen then I'd be quite concerned... You need to stop fretting. He's nearly an adult and should be more than capable of making this journey without his mum interfering.

FairyMum · 07/07/2010 08:59

My children are 8 and 10 and fly alone all the time. I would probably worry more about a train journey as at least they cannot get off at the wrong stop There is a lot of help to get at airports.

Deliaskis · 07/07/2010 09:00

I flew on my own from the age of about 15. it was absolutely fine and not at all worrying. I made sure I was early everywhere I needed to be as didn't want to get caught out.

I had phone numbers of people in both locations in case of delay, etc. and knew what to do if my luggage got lost etc. I had always flown a lot with my parents anyway so I was more than comfortable in the environment.

It's really fine, not frightening at all, and an important part of growing up really. As with every new step, preparation is key.

Another upside is it meant as I got older I actually went on more family holidays as I could pop out to Spain or Portugal for a few days as and when I wanted, and if I had had to commit to a full week or two week holiday with parents I would probably have given it a miss.

D

Gubbins · 07/07/2010 11:05

I flew to the US with my 15 year old sister when I was 10 and alone when I was 14. There's very little that can actually go wrong, although I do remember a moment of panic when they asked for particular seat numbers to board and I couldn't see a number on my chair. Fortunately my silghtly more intelligent sister knew they were talking about seats on the plane, not the ones in the departure lounge.

neversaydie · 07/07/2010 12:11

Make sure that he has all the contact details and the address of where he is staying actually on his person while he travels (with passport and ticket etc). His luggage is far more likely to go astray than he is, and he will need to be able to tell the lost baggage people where to take it to when it turns up!

I am another one who was travelling without parents from an early age and loved the independance!

MichaelBublesPillow · 07/07/2010 12:15

As long as he has contact details of everyone/where involved, as long as he has fully charged phone he can use abroad and cash in all the currencies he may require, he will be 100% fine I would feel the same, but rationally, there isn't much that can go wrong
xx

snowlady · 07/07/2010 12:32

Don't airlines look after unaccompanied children any more? My friend and I flew to France alone many years ago for an exchange trip aged 14 and I remember an air hostess looking after us and taking us on and off the plane. This was my first ever flight and it was quite exciting!

I'm sure you have no need to worry about what happens the other end. Your friends will probably get to the airport ages early and be there as soon he comes through.

PatsyIsPreggers · 07/07/2010 12:53

Sure your son will be fine and probably enjoy the adventure.

snowlady I'm not sure a 16 year old is a child for these purposes. I was only accompanied on flights I was on alone until I was 15. I used to love the sense of independence and my Mum made sure I had all the contact numbers I could possibly need before letting me out of her sight!

Original poster
miniadventure · 07/07/2010 14:32

thanks for the tips! I'm going to get him a new mobile and make sure he sends a text as soon as he is safely with the family over there

OP posts:
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