to not understand the big deal about the naughty step?

[CheerfulYank]

I've seen some threads and heard some people in RL decrying the naughty corner (or chair, or step, etc.) Why? I think it's perfectly reasonable to teach children that there will be unfortunate consequences for not-okay behavior. Does anyone know why some people aren't into it?

I think it's good, if used properly. I've been watching Supernanny since it started (long before having DCs!) so DH and I know the proper method.

DD (just turned 3) is generally very well behaved, but sometimes gets carried away. She gets a warning "if you do that again you will go on the NS" and mostly that's sufficient. She goes on the NS maybe once a week.

I totally agree it can be overused - we save it for the really bad stuff, or dangerous behaviour (once she ran into the road by our house so she was straight on the NS when we got in). A friend of mine keeps telling her DD to go on the NS for really little things and it is ineffective.

It is also really important to get back to normal when they've done their time and said sorry - don't hold a grudge, just get back to playing.

Now DD is older I'm wondering if she's capable of understanding a proper 'consequence'/reward chart thing, so if she goes on the naughty step she misses out on something (DVD time maybe?). Any thoughts?

I also think the other good thing about NS is that it is sort of portable. On the odd occasion when DD has run off when out, I can do a time-out - she has to stand in between me and DS's buggy for the 3 minutes.

No, never used it.

Sorry but can´t take Supernanny seriously.

why not?

Its not just supernanny that suggests it. 'Parenting puzzle' , parenting classes , suggest it aswell. although it is not called a naughty step and it is used in a slightly different way. but fundamentally the principal is still the same. why is it being linked to supernanny ? it or its equivalent has been used for many years pre her.

used to think it looked good before having kids but now i just get put off by seeing all my friends starting it from about 12 months ffs
even the supernanny book says over 2.5yrs!

sloanypony, if your friends ds thinks it is just a big joke and it clearly isn't working, what do you suggest ?

Haven't read AK.

But don't use the naughty step. Prefer to lead, guide, explain and I still say 'no' if something isn't on.

It still works. And for ds it works so much better than the ns or sticker charts. He wants to understand why something isn't a good idea.

What do I suggest for a 3 year old who is hitting, biting etc?

Disclaimer: I wouldn't suggest it to her, as its her child, etc etc but if it were me, I would take the child aside, get down to his level, and say "we do NOT hit. If you hit again, we will go home. Do you understand?"

That's his warning. Then, if he hit again, I would put him in the car, tell him that I told him that if he hit that we would go home, and that because he hit again, we are going home. Then I'd go home. Child would very likely be suitably remoresful.

Then the next time you go out, you pep talk them in the car - "remember what happened last time when you hit? We went home didn't we. You must not hit any of your friends or we will have to go home" etc etc. I have found by this age that is very effective. Its not to say it will be on her child, but I suspect it will be more effective than what she's doing, which is completely ineffective.

You might have to turn around and go home a couple of times, but I'd hazard a guess it wouldn't continue long.

For me, personally, I go to soft play or someone's house for a play date for my child's benefit, not mine. If they go round behaving like that, I dont want to be there and others possibly dont want them to be there anyway. So I would be killing two birds with one stone by getting out of there whilst driving home the message that if you can't behave when you go out, you dont go out.

Difficult if you have a younger/older sibling with you who is also benefitting from the outing - as they would then get punished for no reason - but this is not the case with the friend I am referring to.

That's what I'd do, anyway! Its up to her what she does - but its getting to the point where we are starting to distance ourselves and spend less time, as its pretty distressing for the injured party and its not getting any better, its getting worse.

I just find the thought of sticking them on a chair really odd and humiliating I suppose like something that would happen in school years ago.

When DD was small (under 4yo) if she misbehaved she had a timeout in her room. But usually one of us would go in with her and sit quietly with our back to the door so we could keep an eye on her until she calmed down. I appreciate that for people on their own with more than one DC this is impractical but it worked for us.

I only once used the naughty chair idea on her. This was after she had turned 4 and went to a child minders two days a week. DD had never been in the naughty chair at CMs but had seen some of the rowdier little boys put in it. When I sat her in the naughty chair at home I went out of the room and came back a minute later to find her sitting sobbing quietly. I took her out of the chair and never used it again.

Mostly I found that "counting to 5" was an effective remedy. I never, ever had to say what would happen if I got to 5 just the words "I will count to 5" would have the desired effect!

we used the naughty step quite a bit between the ages of 2-5. Rarely/never since. These days we might tell a dd to leave the room if she is being a pain, and she'll come back in a few minutes whne she's calmed down.

I liked the naughty step cos it was a way of giving us all a short break from each other. with 3 children close in age we didn't always have the time (and I don't always have the inclination even now) to discuss everything at length. It's quick, easy and not, in my opinion, draconian. and you can adapt it as they get older to taking time away from each other. even for adults, taking time out of an argument is a wise habit.

I never got the logic of sending me to my room when I acted up - I had toys, books - the works in there! Give it 2 minutes and I'd have forgotten what I'd been sent up there for!

If I sent one of mine to their room it was usually to get some peace diffuse a situation rather than a punishment.

Almost always the other would then wander up, commiserate with the child who had been sent up & agree that I had been unfair & that left just a little while longer they would have sorted themselves out & stopped arguing anyway!

My son is 21mths and he understands the "naughty corner" completely.

We introduced it about a month ago when his frustration and agression began to manifest in pinching and biting. We have a cushion on the floor in the corner of the lounge so he's not being completely excluded and of he pinches or bites, he is immediately placed on the corner, follow the steps, etc.

He learned very quickly that he had to stay there and he now sits and does his minute without trying to get up and he apologises and has a hug afterwards. He will tell you "Pinch, corner for one minute" so he certaily understands the concept and I think it's useful for teaching him that hurting other people will result in consequences (we only ever use it for physical agression)

not liberal leftyism as such, onedeadbadger; just having noticed that those of my friends who smack seem to have the worst behaved children

my parents never smacked but we had enormous respect for them

I think the reason Supernanny et al work isn't some magic step - but the consistency they introduce and following through with warnings.

You see it all the time working in schools "you've been naughty - no ice cream"... go out of the door and the crying fit's meant that the ice cream van DOES get a visit!

My mother never smacked (I bruise so well the one time she did I had a hand print on my leg and parental guilt kicked into overdrive!) but by heck if she made a threat she carried it through! Kept me in line and I was a right little madam to deal with as a kid.

She would fling her Scholls at us if we backchatted her though - but unfortunately I was the master of a witty backchat, duck out of the doorway, return and steal her ammo so she couldn't throw it again!

onedeadbadger is just tring to get a rise, any mumsnetter worth their salt would know that there's a huge gulf between the UP types and the naughty step and sticker chart devotees....