Before I start, why don't you go and put the kettle on because this could be long !
When I met DH he had been separated from his ex-g for a few years as she had left him and taken their DD to go and live with another man (2 doors along...)
Anyway, DH had been been heartbroken by this, but managed to pull himself together with the thought that at least he could still see DD often, even though it was very stressful and difficult for him.
Eventually (before meeting me) he sold the house and gave ex-g 50% of equity (almost a 6-figure sum). Obviously this money was intended to be put towards a roof over their heads, whether it be paying off some of new boyfriends mortgage/investing for future house sale etc.
Not exactly sure what happened with that to be honest, as none of my business, but he then met me and we fell head over heels in love , after a long time I met his lovely DD and we instantly clicked, it was all great.
Next thing you know, ex-g is on the doorstep, shouting to DH that I am to stay away from her daughter, not to touch her, and that I am nothing but a gold digger. This sort of behaviour carried on on a weekly basis, name calling at the door, threats via her daughter ("Mummy says if she sees you in the supermarket she will shout at you" - from a 4 yr old), hundreds of texts and phone calls to DH, threatening letters in DD's overnight bag, etc.
I can honestly, honestly tell you that to this day, I have no idea why she did this to me. I had never actually met her, and had never uttered a word out of line, even though I desperately wanted to just tell her to fuck off.
She ended up splitting up from the neighbour and moving straight in with her new boyfriend, which caused a lot of upset for DD, yet all her troubles were blamed on us and got even worse when I was pregnant with our DS. I was wrongly accused of tricking DH into getting me pregnant, told that our baby was unwanted, that we were both selfish for wanting a child, screamed at down the phone etc, etc. I was also told by her that DD (age 7) had said she wanted to kill me and the baby.
It was so bad that I needed to go into hospital for problems with high blood pressure.
Things eventually calmed down for a bit after my DS was born - we met up and managed to get along - she apologised and I tried to forget about all the past and forgive.
But things have slowly got worse, and every other week there is an "issue". It is always something that we have allegedly done/not done, we are always blamed, told we are awful people, terrible parents, or if she's been naughty at home then it's our fault! She swaps the weekends around all the time so we don't know if we are coming or going, and if we have made plans on a non-DD weekend, tells us we should change the plans and put DD first! She's now asking for extra money, when she already gets a hefty sum per month.
She regularly complains that they are poor, yet has a brand new car, and DD tells us of mummy's Chloe handbag and Jimmy Choo shoes, and where they have been out to for the weekend etc.
I'm not sure what happened to the almost £100 grand that she had from the house sale, but I'm pretty sure it didn't get invested properly.
I am driving around in a banged up old Renault in my Birkies and paying for essentials on my credit card because we are so pushed for cash at the moment!
I am just so so fed up with it all. DH and I spend evenings getting all worked up about it all, and sometimes arguing about it. It makes me so mad the way we have both been treated - especially DH - he gets so depressed about it all. I just don't know what to do - I don't want to carry on with this constant abuse/emotional blackmail.
How on earth do you get a person like this to stop? Or do you not? Or AIBU and should I just be putting up with this as I decided to get involved with a man who had a child?