to be ashamed of my house and not let DCs have friends over??

[MoneysTooTightToMention]

I know I am. DS had a meltdown in the school playground as he demanded his friend come for tea tonight and I had to say no .

Until a few months ago we rented a relatively respectable detached house in a very nice area (for 3 years). Extortionate rent though. Landlord decided to sell up so gave us notice and as I had already lost my job we were struggling anyway on just DH's wage. As we were not able to find a similar house in the area for less than £1200 a month(this is outside London btw ), we had to move across town and have ended up in an ex council end of terrace house with no parking in a street littered with rubbish and white vans. This is only £150 a month cheaper than our old property as well and is much, much smaller but we were desperate. I have now got used to it and am not bothered about it as the house is clean, the neighbours are friendlier than our old ones and it is a roof.

We lost everything financially 3 years ago as DH's business collapsed and we had to sell our house and now have no hope of ever owning another one. In a weird way I am grateful it happened, as it has taught me to count my blessings and value my family and health more than material things but I know a lot of people judge on what you have/where you live as I probably once did .

Since we moved here, I have skirted around the issue of the DCs having friends over as the vast majority of their friends live in posh houses in our old area and I am worried their parents will look down on us if they find out where we live now. DS have been invited to tea twice in the last few weeks by friends with mahoosive houses and I have not been able to reciprocate even though I really want to. I have been avoiding the parents .

I have no idea how to resolve this as the only option would be to move the DCs to the school nearby which would mean their friends would live in similar houses to us but that is too extreme as they are so happy at their current school in the 'posh' area.

AIBU?

I feel so bad for my DCs, feel we have let them down and am sort of ashamed we are in this situation although I know I should'nt be as life bit us on the arse and we have done nothing wrong .

Other peoples houses are always so much tidier than mine. Where do people hide the laundry, I want to know??

I don't know about 14 year olds, they are just a bundle of hormones going beserk but 7, 10 year olds, easier to imagine.

So which homes did we genuinely like going round to when we were youngHonestly now, might have been the poshest, biggest ones. Can you rmeembe?

I liked one, it was an Irish family with 7 kids and it was messy I think but I liked going there. That much I would have moved in anytime

I'm a single mother in Social housing in a not so great area having had my own homes previously, and most of my DD's friends live in posh houses. Like you I'm here through circumstance, but both DCs have their friends over all the time, and if any of the parents judge us on where we live then that's their prerogative. Not much I can do it about it. Pleased to say that's never been my experience (as far as I can tell), and I think as a previous poster has written, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

If your home is clean and tidy, and you make the children welcome, that is all that matters.

When I first moved here I'll admit it did take me a while to adjust to my situation and stop thinking about what I'd lost. I've even apologised to DC for the house (when I was struggling to decorate and do DIY on my own and it was a bit scruffy) and for the things we don't have, but they weren't remotely bothered. Recently saw a facebook comment from the daughter of a well off local family who DD is friendly with which said 'E's mum cooked us roast dinner today - best I ever tasted - yum, yum'

Made my day that did!

actually I liked going to everyone's house come to think of it. Parents were always hands-off in those days and you did your own thing

I dont think OP is snobby. I thought she is very honest.

And yes, children dont notice but their parents do. Unfortunetely i know people who are snobby about ex-local.

OP, realistically if the school is in posh area some parents might be snobby but i'm sure many others will not. So you will have to try and then pick those who worth the friendship. I think it is a good opportunity to talk to your children about self worth, values, choosing friends, ups and downs in life and strenght. My parents did exactly this and i'm so glad they did.

Of course there is the option to take them all to bowling or something but i honestly think it is better to talk to your dcs and deal with confidence. I think our children will be judged many times anyway for various reasons-housing, accent, braces, glasses- and is best to talk about it emphasising real self-worth.

Good luck. you sound nice to me and i'm sure you will all find the friends you deserve.

I wish i was in your area, i would come over.