to tell a friend to lower her expectations?

[beaker25]

I have a very close friend who absolutely hates her job, its a stop gap job until she can get into the area shes studied in, but shes been in stop gap job 2 years now. Stop gap job pays pretty well and to go into her chosen industry, she would have to take a pay cut and go in at graduate entry level. She claims it isnt possible for her to take a pay cut.

She regularly sends ranty emails about a perfect job shes seen, saying that she wont apply as the wage is too low to live on. Latest job she emailed about paid 18k, I don?t personally think this is too low to live on, and have managed fine on a lower wage myself. I also think it?s a reasonable wage for an entry level position/ She is single, no kids, renting in London. Just wondered if Im stupidly out of touch or if others agree. Also wondering if I should say something to her, or keep my trap shut!

Not much point saying anything to her - she has her ideas of what she wants in a job, they might not be yours but it's up to her, isn't it.

If you are fed up of reading the ranty emails, then don't read them. Or reply briefly saying "another one? You'll be in that job until you're 50 at this rate, that's if you don't get made redundant" which would make your points about her being too picky and perhaps she should be grateful she even has a job without actually saying that.

agree with thumbwitch, well said

If you're constantly being used as a sounding board for whining then I think YANBU to interfere. The angle I'd use would be 'either go into your chosen industry and accept the pay-cut or stay where you are and keep the cash... but whichever you choose, stop moaning to me about it, it's getting boring. Piss or get off the pot...'

Looks like the bottom line is that, if she wants her 'ideal' job, she'll have to take a pay cut. However, also looks like money is more important than job satisfaction so she'll never be entirely happy. You should point out that it's entirely her decision to decide between the 2 and you don't want to discuss it any further.

YANBU. I have nothing to add, everyone's already said what I'm thinking. She really just needs to make the conscious decision (rather than the unconscious one to stay with the money).

True- it is ultimately up to her, not my choice to make.

Reading my OP back, it looks quite patronising towards her! I suppose the main reason I?m worried, and considering saying anything is because she is so totally miserable in her job, she often gets all teary eyed if she talks about it, but still, it?s up to her!

beaker, I didn't read your post as patronising to your friend - just pissed off that she was moaning so much!

I don't think 18k is too little to live on. And it is also the standard graduate entry level salary in most industries. SO if she really wants that ideal job she needs to suck it up and take the pay cut.

I?d say I?m half pissed off, half genuinely worried!

Also, realise I might be being stealthy but I think I take some of what she says I take personally when perhaps I shouldn?t. I.e. one of the common rants is that only people with really rich parents could ever afford to work for that amount. I managed and don?t have rich parents but I got by. I think I?m taking it as a personal insult although I don?t think she means it to be!

What she said is a load of BS but she might just be sounding off because she believes she can't live on that amount. It's amazing what you can live on when you have to - but so many people don't seem able to think that way, they "have to have" their little luxuries etc. (personal rant now - my sis is chronically short of money but the one thing she won't cut back on is the Sky package - even though it's a massive amount per month - because she "doesn't go out or smoke or drink, it's my only luxury" - failing to notice that if she doesn't pay the fecking mortgage, she isn't going to have a fecking house to watch fecking Sky in!)

Presumably she knows you don't have rich parents - perhaps you could send her an email with "tips on how to survive on £18k a year". If she comes back with "yes but it was different for you" then feel free to abuse her, because she's obviously one of those people who like to moan about their situation rather than just getting on and changing it.

It really p!sses me off when people moan, moan, moan about the injustice of a situation and then do f*ck all to get themselves out of it. It's her life and up to her to change it if she's not happy. If I were you, I'd refuse to discuss it any further - you are currently giving oxygen to the fire that is her rants