to think it's a shame that children in a community are seen as a pain?

[Psammead]

In part inspired by this news story. In case you don't want to click, it's basically about a village in Scotland where no children are allowed as permanent residents and you have to be 45+ to live there. Fair enough, people can live how they want; but is it symptomatic of a society where children are nuisances rather than part of the community?

For me, the recent trend of no children at weddings is in a similar vein. People argue the 'their wedding, their rules', but I've always felt that a wedding is a community/family celebration of two people tying the knot, rather than a day constructed solely for the gratification of the bride (and groom, normally to a lesser extent).

I am sure IABU in many people's eyes, but since when should children be excluded from a community? What message is it giving to them?

Flame away :P

Personally I've no problem with the community or with child free weddings.I rather like them actually,well as much as someone who hates weddings can, and I'm not a child hater.

Psammead, YADNBU. I hate it as well. Yes I like child-free time and people are entitled to live how they like, but I also hate the way children are viewed in this country. There was a thread last month about wedding food and someone mentioned doing such and such for the adults and giving the children some cheap crap. Why are children second class citizens?

And I echo what you say about weddings. Luckily I've never been invited to a chid-free wedding, I wouldn't go.

Not very clever marketing hiding a retirement village where I assume the homes cost a fortune.

Don't be too disheartened- children will find their way there. Forbidden things are always so much more attractive

I think a child free community seems a bit far fetched. It's a bit sad, but I suppose if that's what they want...

I'm not against child free weddings or holidays though. In the case of a wedding I can certainly understand it. Noisy children can spoil a ceremony.

We went to a child free hotel before we had dc of our own and it was great.

I went to a child free hotel and I have to say that the behaviour of the adults was far far worse than any child could be.

I don't really mind about child-free hotels. I totally get that adults may want to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet, and that others who DO have children have the option of taking them to a hotel with lots of activities designed for them and where there are other families to get to know. That one works both ways.

i agree about the weddings. Children are part of the community and getting married is meant to be a way of making a commitment in front of the wider community.

My DB and his fiancee are having a childfree wedding in Oct. He said they 'wanted people to be able to enjoy themselves'. I really have taken umbrage at the idea that I need to be away from my kids to enjoy myself - quite the oppposite in fact. Myself and my other DSis who has kids are not attending.

Children aren't a problem. Some parents are.

Absolutely, and that's the point. Children are all tarred with a brush when most of the time it's the adults responsible for them that's the issue. My cousin is getting married soon. Children are invited but she has told us in no uncertain terms that if they play up during the ceremony and we don't shut them up, then out they go. That I have no problem with, it's what I would do anyway but it's sad that she knows there are some people she has to say that to and that the children are the ones that would be blamed.

How will that work Rockbird - will the bride halt the ceremony and eject noisy offenders personally?

Then you have parents who say no it's not 'playing up' it's just children being children.

I'm totally with you re it being lax parents who are to blame, but because everyone has a different take on what is unacceptable, I can understand why some couples getting married just think no children is the easier course to take.

I hate this too - people moan how badly behaved children are and refuse to invite them to family occasions yet they invite every single adult they've ever met it seems! How is that not bad behaviour? My niece went one better - she asked my daughter to be bridesmaid and didn't invite my son to the wedding to keep costs down! After an "interesting" discussion she backed down.

We were at a wedding a couple of weekends ago that was no children except 'babes in arms' (it was a space issue, babies that didn't need a chair/meal were fine!). But I can see why others wouldn't want even that - during the ceremony, DS (6 months) started crying and we'd deliberately sat near the back, so I took him outside until he feel asleep. However, we could hardly hear the vows for another child screaming who's parents didn't bother removing him/her.

I do also think there are times in your life when you don't want kids around, my MIL's friend is looking for a new house and one of the deciding issues has been 'is there a trampoline/climbing frame/obvious signs of children in the neighbouring gardens' - her view is she's done her bit with her DCs, loves her GDCs when they visit, but the rest of the time, doesn't want to listen to other people's children.

But then, I think since we were children, a lot more space has become 'family friendly' - my parents think it's great we can take DS into 'proper restaurants' (like zizzis) and most country pubs for lunch, they were restricted to McDonalds and nasty chain pubs with a ball pool - little chef at a push. So it's not surprising that non-parents are trying to carve out space for them again.

FakePlasticTrees - actually the more I think about it the more I can understand why someone might feel as your mil's friend does.

When I think of where we live - lots of families with young dc playing out all over the place. Trampolines everywhere including our garden. Would I want to be in the middle of all this in 20 yrs time? No actully I wouldn't. I find it wearing even now. Same goes for those family type pubs.

yabu
the only people who want children arround are parents.

You;ve to be over 45 to live there so it'll be full of old crocs nearing or past retirement age.

I don't want to live in a retirement village, they don't want kids about. Fair enough.

My cousin absolutely would turn round and tell me to take dd out!

2shoes sorry - that's not true! My DD is only 6 months old, but I have always felt this way. I think it's nice to have children around - it's important for the children and the adults.

When our parents were small they just roamed around the streets, playing outside all the time and were kept an eye on by (usually) women in the community as a whole. I'm not saying we have to live life as it was then, just making the point that having a lot of children around in gardens/parks/streets etc is not a new thing. We just seem to have become less tolerant of it, perhaps.

I agree with Psammead, I have always loved having children around. They are far more interesting to talk to half the time as well . Pointydog, being over 45 doesn't make you an old croc or even near to retirement age but adults who have never had children are usually a bit stiff and set in their ways.

I know, fran, I was being rather judgemental because the people on the estate are obviously judgemental of children.

Oh I see Pointydog I'm a little prickly on the big '4, 5' seeing as I was born in 1965

oh lordy, I am not that far off it myself

I'm already there Fran (another 1965 vintage here)

The way my dc are squabbling on their inset day off and my dd's discovery of pre-teen hormones is enough to have me applying to the child free community in triplicate. Today. This minute in fact