to find it weird that people who need a seat on bus or tube don*t just ask?

[mousymouse]

inspired by this thread
when I was pregnant or had a broken foot people would not get up on their own accord but when asked nicely I always got a seat.

AIBU?

Some one offered their seat to me the other day a very kind women. I debated whether to take it or not but declined. This was because I am not actually pregnant but she obviously thought I was. Didn't give her an offended look anything thought it was quite funny. I think it was the smock top I wearing (who am I kidding time to go on the diet)!

I would have asked with my 2nd pregnancy, but not my first. 12 years difference and a new husband who has taught me a thing or two about confidence helped.

But I never had the need to, fortunately, not being a regular train traveller.

I have brought up ds1 (ds2 is a tad young atm) to offer a seat and to remember that if that person starts ranting about feminism/not being ill just pregnant blah blah blah it is they who are ignorant and ill-mannered.

I hate bad manners, on either side.

Incidentally, ds1 offers his seat to women, regardless of pregnancy/age/infirmity. He feels that is right, and I for one applaud him for that.

Illhaveacoffee - If I have a funny turn, I HAVE to sit down, pronto. There would not be time to ask anyone for a seat. It is a case of sink to floor sitting or collapse. So your lovely views on how I would be endangering my baby don't change that. It's still safer to sit hurriedly on the floor than to ask someone to move, wait for them to move and actually collapse before I could take the seat.

oh for gods sake, my 'lovely' view is that if you are sat on the floor of a tube train it is possible that someone may kick you,bang into you etc accidentally. Choosing to sit on the floor clearly is completely different to nearly collapsing on the floor.

I was on the tube last week and a pregnant woman got on the tube and said in a loud voice to the whole carriage.

'would someone let me sit down please'

and a bloke said
'why don't you just sit there?'

there was an empty seat.. right next to her

YANBU - of course they should ask for a seat, it's not hard.

When I'm commuting, I 'zone out' and am not really paying attention to the size of anyone's stomach as opposed to studiously ignoring them, as some suggest.

And you can't always tell if someone is pregnant or fat, especially if they're wearing baggy clothes, so you don't want to embarrass them by offering your seat.

When I lived in London - 10 years ago now I used to ask for a seat. I have a walking stick. I was quite often either ignored or told 'no'. It gets quite depressing when you've asked and been turned down.

However, funnily enough their feet may well have been very sore by the time they got off as they may well have found I had to lean on my stick quite heavily (I was only 8 stone!) and it may accidentally have landed on their toes.

I am so glad we moved!

YANBU. Most people at the end of a day (or the beginning) simply are thinking about other things and don't notice the pregnant woman coming onto the tube. And there is the ambiguity of whether or not they are pregnant or fat.

And if they are trying to avoid having to get up, then asking them will more often than not shame them into getting up.

I don't think it's fair to expect people on tubes to check every person getting on to see if they may be pregnant, then ask if they would like a seat, just in case they are very shy or have perinatal anxiety (must goggle that one, never heard of it in all my childbearing years) and feel unable to ask for themselves.

Also, remember - they may look like an able bodied person, but could have MS or other disabilities which you don't know about, but they don't want to advertise with a badge. Why assume you are in greater need than they may be?

The only time I ever asked for a seat on the tube, I was told to f**k off (and pushed as well - I had a very obvious broken leg at the time).

Totally put me off asking again!

YABU, asking someone to give up their seat is not something that everyone finds easy. For those of you with ample confidence, good for you, but some of us would find it quite intimidating.

I really don't believe that people 'zone' out to the extent that they don't notice a pregnant woman standing right there. I always offer my seat, they shouldn't have to ask. It's MANNERS

Yep i dont believe people 'zone out' either they are just inconsiderate bastards...

yeah, i completely zone out on public transport. i find it hard not to automatically block out my surroundings.
if i notice a pregnant woman im afraid i would be awful and give her a seat depending on my back pain at the time [undiagnosed bloody shite pain] but have only had to remain seated a few times. i do really block out my surroundings though, i hate public transport.
i also worry about offering my seat to fat women, as has happened 3 times and counting!!
[one woman shouted at me, the others shouted and say down.
i wish id just been able to say 'if you're not preggers, you're just fat, you probably need all the excercise standing you can get. ta for my seat back, pass that newspaper'

I got used t zoners out (dammit, I am one of them when not PG). I need a sharp poke.

In fact Boris should abolish the 'Baby on Board' badges and issue PG women with v sharp pointy sticks they can poke at people

But in seriousness,I always look up at each stop to check for people who may need my seat more than me (lucky fucker who always gets one as I get on at the start of the line)

The amount of times I was offered a seat whilst PG was comparable to the times that someone clocked me at 8mo PG and ignored me.

Going back to OP, I would have been sooo embarrased asking for a seat. Should have done, and then shamed the 'lookers' into giving me the seat....

yeah, if i was using public transport at any point this summer id give up my seat. i remember being pregnant in summer. ooooh. i can see why people plan their babies around the school year starting in september... i reckon if you aim for about march, that sounds about right.

I've been offered seats when not pregnant, and usually feel bullied (ok shamed) into taking it, smiling sweetly and saying thanks, whilst sticking out my stomach.

When I actually was pregnant I was thinner (one upside of morning sickness!) and hardly ever offered a seat as it was winter and i had a big coat.

I only got a baby on board badge after i'd told work about my pregnancy, as i often met colleagues on the tube. I did ask once or twice but usually i was ok standing for a few stops. It is horrible when noone offers you a seat, but i understand why it happens!

My DH never sits down on the tube if there are women of 'childbearing age' / older people / anyone that looks infirm standing.
He just gets up unless there are spare seats basically, so he avoids directly offending people, or sitting when someone else needs to sit more.
I'm normally carrying a toddler so I sit with her because imo it's a lot safer.
I was mortified once when I was on my own, looked up from my paper to see a pregnant bump directly in front of me, she must've been standing for a stop or so, got up and gave the bumps owner my seat straight away.
I just think its about politeness, not about pg not being an illness etc. there's a very precious thing in that bump and imo its everyone's job to help look after it, not just the parents.
I also think that if there was a crash/emergency stop it's probably safer to be sitting down, so I would rather a pg person was sat down in case something like that happened.

'when I was visibly pregnant I was fine to stand on the tube most times.'

YES

I never needed the seat once I was showing. It was the terrible morning sickness and fainting before I showed that made being sat down a priority for me, but I was hiding it from my work colleagues (not management) and so was desperately trying to look less pg and was definitely not obvious about needing a seat or willing to advertise it.

DH used to offer his seat to pg women/elderly even though his back was (quite literally) broken. He also had old ladies shout at him and call him horrible names for asking to sit in the seat their bag is occupying because they are disabled. We got lots of stares when I would pop up to offer my seat but he stayed sitting because he looks young and fit.

I didnt feel tired in my pregnancy so didnt care about standing up on buses, trains etc. I was sitting on the floor on trains when I was 8 and a half months pregnant cant say it bothered me.I never really thought about taking someones seat as I see that as more for the elderly or disabled.

I was a mum at 23 though so sort of just went with the flow really. I think its best to ask if you want a seat because not all pregnant women care if they had one or not.

I'm sorry, I don't get all the 'I'm too shy/intimidated' to ask for a seat. I do a regular 3-4 hour commute and if the train is fairly empty, I will probably fall asleep or get my laptop out and work. Quite often some rude person will charge down the train and be furious I've not been alertly waiting to offer them a seat for all 3.5 hours of my journey! And frankly this makes them look like twats. Just ask, the worst I'll say is no, sorry, I've booked it and it's mine.

Btw, I faint a lot - used to do so much more - and even on crowded buses and trains I've only had a problem getting a seat a handful of times, and the times people have been rude are so few they stick in my memory. Do I just travel around politer people or is it possible that there's a way some people ask for a seat that's actually a bit rude?