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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left a sarcastic comment

52 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 00:35

on my mums FB album?

Situation is...

Dsis, mum, bil, nephews, my friend, me,DS1 and DS2 were all going out for the day.

I popped out early and mum called to say they would meet me at about 12.30. I said in passing "Oh the park is empty, hardly worth going tbh" so mum said "ok will let Dsis know and let you know what we are doing instead".

DS1 has been at mums since yesterday.

So Friend, DS2 and I came home and waited. We then went out for a walk as DS2 was getting bored indoors.

6pm my mobile rings and it is mum telling me they are having a great time and the DC are all playing in the sand.

~I said was nice for you to let me know as DS2 would have enjoyed that.

Anyway i left it at that sooooo about 45m later she called and said "look at pics on FB there are some lovely ones".

Well I have just looked and there are photos of Dsis, Nephews, mum, Bil, DS1, and sisters friend.....and the album is titled "Family day out"

so i have left this message........

"Looks like you had a nice family day out, shame I couldn't make it DS2 would have enjoyed it."

Mum did say they didn't tell me because DS1 got in a funny mood and they didn't want the day ruined....aibu to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Fontella · 05/07/2010 09:53

I think you are absolutely right to be pissed off. I would be. There's definitely an agenda here if you ask me. Next time you organise something, try not inviting them - see how they feel.

Telling you to go and look at the Facebook pics is also rather like rubbing salt in the wound isn't it? Look at what a great time we had without you?

Maybe I'm getting hold of the wrong end of the stick here, but I know I would have been as annoyed as hell.

My sister lived in the US for 20 years and came home about twice in all that time. When my kids were small she came to my hometown to see my brother who lives nearby. I, of course, assumed she would come to see us, having never clapped eyes on my children. Waited in all day and kept telling DCs they were going to meet Aunty G at last (they'd heard about her for years, but of course never seen her). We were always in touch, talking on the phone, sending gifts etc. so no problems that I was aware of. They were so excited.

It got to early evening and I'd heard nothing, so rang my brother only to find she'd left for the airport. They'd gone out for dinner the night before, she'd stayed the night there, they'd been out that day. I never got so much as a phone call. It really hurt.

She now lives back in the UK and we don't get on at all these days. I have never forgotten how disappointed DC were.

Not really relevant to your situation ... but I do know what it feels like to be shut out by your own family (for whatever reason) and sympathise completely with how you are feeling.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 10:18

Fontella, on the odd occassion I have not invited my mum out she sulks beyond compare tbh. And if i don't invite my sister and her DS's I get sarcastic comments for days on end hence the reason I always invite them.

Even down to "family" holidays they are always invited.

We are going to whipsnade in a few weeks and I know if i don't invite them or at least one of them, even if it means taking one of my DN then I will get comments such as "oh DN1 or 2 would have loved to go there you could have taken him"

TBH my family can be great but they can also be very bitchy towards me and DP. and it gets me down.

I actually had a row with my mum the other day when DS1 was in one of his moods and I was trying to talk to her. She said "i don't want to hear it" so i said

"You know what mum you are quick to say how L's mum should be supporting her through the divorce that she caused but you are no better because you do not support me with DS1. You see no wrong in him and if i tell you he is doing something your answer is "oh you did so and so as a child" or "Its a kid thing". Stop looking at him like he is perfect take him off the pedestal and see him for who he really is".

Maybe that is why she didn't invite me....because I burst her bubble about how perfect she see's DS1. I don't agree with her allowing his mood to dictate whether she lets me know where they are going etc.

oh ignore me i am peed off and also DS1 has come home this morning and within 3 minutes is kicking off because DS2 has torn something of his....I am apparently a shit mum, need to learn to be a parent, need to give him more money, "£7 make sure i have it in the morning or else", if i go to his school again he will make my life hell - his words, I need to go today and get him a pair of nikes as the filas he chose are not good enough, I need to get his clothes picked up off the floor where he threw them don't i know thats what a nother is meant to do....

I am sat here venting because I am on the brink of tears.

I told him that no ds2 was not right to tear the book but 1- he has learnt through seeing ds1 do it to my collectors edition Harry Potter books, and 2 - the book should not have been on the floor but on a shelf.

arghhhhhhhhhhh i am going to make a coffee in place of a much needed bottle glass of wine.

OP posts:
Plumm · 05/07/2010 10:26

It sounds like you need to limit conatct between your mum and DS1. How old is he? I can't think where else he would get that sense of entitlement but from your mum thinking he's a perfect grandchild.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 10:28

Plumm he is 11 going on 12.

my mum looks at him and see's the perfect eldest grandchild who looks like my dad, and for that alone she see's no wrong in him.

OP posts:
madamim · 05/07/2010 10:29

How old is ds1? treat him to some tough love.Have a family meeting and sit down and say these are the rules of the house.Pocket money is x amount, you keep your room clean etc dinner money is x amount per day and to have extra money or trainers etc extra chores have to be done.Act really firm with him and hopefully it'll stop.If he winds you up dont get into an argument with him if he's nearly a teen thats what they are after, he is the child and you are the parent.My family can be like yours just tell them to fuck off and let rip at them maybe they think more in future x

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 10:40

Sorry I shouldn't have posted that last bit about DS1...as it really is quite irrelevant to this thread. I just started typing and it all came out.

I am just so fucking tired. The Dr's have given me anti depressants which I am worried about taking. DS1 is wearing me out and I have spent the best part of saturday crying over silly things....I just want someone to stop the world for 5 minutes so i can relax.

OP posts:
Fontella · 05/07/2010 11:31

Sounds like the golden grandson syndrome. My mum was exactly the same with my eldest. Spoilt him rotten. Could see no wrong in him. I remember once at hers we had fish and chips from the chippie. Everyone was sat around the table (friends and their DC as well) - fish orders were separate, chips were all in one package, as soon as they were opened he dived in with both fists leaving hardly any chips for anyone else. I told him off very firmly - and my mum burst into tears and said 'you used to love him so much' in front of everyone - what the hell that had to do with it I don't know lol. I can laugh now but at the time it was WTF?!

They would stay with her in the holidays and she'd pick up after him and literally wait on him hand and foot, give him money all the time, and now he's a teenager he expects me to do the same. No chance. It's a constant battle.

It's a difficult one I know ... but I would still go ahead and organise your days out with your DC and P and let your mum (and sis) get on with it. If she sulks, she sulks - it might make her think a bit.

compo · 05/07/2010 11:33

Take the anti depressants
if you've been prescribed them then you need them

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 11:52

honestly? i feel like a failure taking them...I am ME and I am meant to be able to cope with everything...thats why when my family have problems they come to me.because i can shoulder it all. so taking the Anti D's is a let down

OP posts:
shockers · 05/07/2010 15:49

Get yourself some Barocca too. I would be a basketcase without them...

Ryuk · 05/07/2010 16:03

It sounds like your mother is a bit of a well-meaning cow, to be completely honest. Maybe try what madamim suggests.

And I know what you mean about the anti-depressents, but trust me, they can be a godsend. At least give them a go and see how you feel then.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 18:45

feeling better thanks to 3/4 bottle of wine

OP posts:
SandyBits · 05/07/2010 18:47

Maybe I'm missing somehting but how is almost a whole bottle of wine before 7 o clock a preferable coping mechanism than taking anto depressants?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 19:32

Sandy because sometimes a drop of wine takes the edge off and it is not as if i am alone with the dc.

OP posts:
SandyBits · 05/07/2010 19:45

3/4 of a bottle is hardly a drop.
Does your GP know you drink?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 19:50

Sandy, i rarely drink. today was a one off. and I am far from drunk

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 05/07/2010 19:53

alcohol is a depressant

if i drank 3/4 of a bottle, i'd be unsteady and a bit slurry

it is a lot for it not to touch the sides

take the ADs, it is far safer and better than self medicating

SandyBits · 05/07/2010 19:57

Well, don't take them tonight
But start them tomorrow. It worries me that you're not drunk on the best part of a bottle. Either you are quite large (forgive me) or drink more regularly than you let on. I'm trollied on one glass.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 19:59

I am neither large or a big drinker.

But I can hold my drink, have only ever had 2 hangovers in my entire life etc.

I don't regularly drink, haven't started the anti d's yet and just fancied a drink.

OP posts:
nickschick · 05/07/2010 20:16

Oh come on LadyEven posted for a bit of support lets not bandy about a bottle of wine -I hardly ever drink but last weekend ds had his first holy commmunion and I drank a full bottle of blossom hill and was just myself ......and im not 'quite large' nor do i drink more than i let on.

I dont really like the way mumsnet is turning lately.

3andahalfmonkeys · 05/07/2010 20:37

I have problems with my ds1 and my mum so sympathise completely. I hope you enjoyed your wine lady even - but think about taking your ad's, they should help. Im not sure what advice I could give you but I would say stop doing things for your family and stop trying to keep your mum/sil happy. you need yo think about you. I am going through similar and that is advice from my cpn - easier said than done.

bumpsnowjustplump · 05/07/2010 21:21

Lady so sorry your day has been so shit. I often have a wine or beer after a shit day, I think that is normal. Hope you have a good evening and I would advise taking a break from your family for a while... Go on your holiday on your own and lay some ground rules for your son... Hope you are ok...

TrillianAstra · 05/07/2010 22:30

Antidepressants are a good thing. Why are you worried about taking them? If you need them (and your GP clearly thinks you do) they will do you far more good than a bottle of wine.

SandyBits I am afraid you are a lightweight - trollied on a glass? 3/4 of a bottle is a little worrying if it's necessary to 'take the edge off' but it's 3/4 of a bottle of wine, not whiskey.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2010 23:09

tbh it wasn't "needed" but it was bloomin lovely lol.

Well the day got better at 9.45 when he eventually went to bed after telling me that I HAD to go and buy him a pair of kickers tomorrow. When i said "nope, you have 2 weeks left at school the ones you have will do" he went in his bedroom, ripped the tongue and the insides and then exclaimed they had "Just fallen apart as I took them out of my bag"

So i said "Shame you should be more careful as your feet are going to be uncomfortable until the end of school"

So what did he do?

TEXT NANNY!!!!

BUT she agreed with me that he will just have to make do now.

OP posts:
TechLovingDad · 05/07/2010 23:16

Perhaps not helpful but why not block them on facebook, so you have to have other means of communicating?

Also, you say you won't take ADs but are happy having 3/4 of a bottle of wine. Without judging, why happy to take one but not the other?