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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It would be unreasonable to go and throw all of Twattish's clothes out of the window or give them to the dog to piss on wouldn't it?

24 replies

ShinyAndNew · 04/07/2010 16:43

Twattish has decided to 'help' in the house. He has been making more mess cleaning the bedroom for two days now.

He has finally got to my side of the room aka the side he dumps all his shit and all the children's shit so he is not tripping over it.

My drawers are broken so all my clean tops are folded and piled on the floor on the base of the drawer, until I get to town to get the glue I need to fix the drawers. I explicitly asked to leave my clothes alone and told him that I would sort the drawers out tomorrow.

He has decided that since my tops were on the floor, they were dirty, so he put every single top I own in the washing basket. Every last one of them. And muddled them all up in the dirty washing.

I have worked my arse off this week catching up on washing and it's all been for nothing.

I seriously feel like causing him and his precious football tops some actual damage.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 04/07/2010 16:44

you'd be better off living alone.....

Sparkletastic · 04/07/2010 16:44

put ALL his pants in the wash - or does he happily go commando?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 04/07/2010 16:49

Put all his pants in the wash with something guaranteed to turn them pink/lemon and for added satisfaction a couple of his work shirts too. Alternatively, helpfully offer to iron some of his football tops. On the linen setting.

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 04/07/2010 16:56

He has put them all back now. It might be because I threatened to put all of his clothes in the dogs bed while he was at work

I'm still annoyed. I'm still considering putting some of his clothes in the dogs bed. Any that I happen to find on the floor I think.

OP posts:

twinterror · 04/07/2010 19:48

Get a cleaner, and =you'll get a happier marriage as a byproduct

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 19:52

I don't know your backstory

But I think YABU for living with a twat like that

And moaning about it

PortiaNovmerriment · 04/07/2010 19:52

Is "Twattish" an affectionate nickname?

TrillianAstra · 04/07/2010 19:54

Is this a friendly moan? Or are there real problems?

onepieceoflollipop · 04/07/2010 19:55

OP I don't know your full story and I may be off the mark here; but it sounds like him messing up your clean laundry may be the least of your problems.

You sound quite unhappy, - and not just on this thread unless I have mixed you up with someone else. is there anything any of us can help with?

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 20:02

I suspect there is a backstory here

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 04/07/2010 21:05

There is a back story. I am leaving him soon. He knows that. No Twattish is not affectionate. At the moment every single part of him is irritating me, right down to the snotty way he breathes. Why can't he just blow his nose ffs?

We are going on holiday together in a week (oh joy!) I can't cancel it because the children have been looking forward to going, we book it a year ago. I don't trust him to look after them properly if he takes them alone and he paid for it so I can't ask him not go.

After that I am taking my part of the tax credits, saving for a weeks and then I am moving out.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 21:13

sounds like not a moment too soon, tbh

although you are entitled to moan, I personally would rather you backed it up with action

moaning for moaning's sake...not a useful stressor

TrillianAstra · 04/07/2010 22:38

If heows that you are leaving him soon, and he is as much of a twat as you say, there is every possibility that he will do something like the title to your stuff.

If you are leaving you should get out of there as soon as possible.

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 04/07/2010 22:40

TA, he doesn't believe I am leaving him. I doubt very much that he would go that far either. He is a twat because he is incapable of seeing past his own needs/desires and understanding others. He is not deliberately nasty. I think.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 04/07/2010 22:42

I've just thought - if you don't trust him to look after the children properly on holiday then what is going ot happen when you do leave? Will you never let him take them for the day or the weekend?

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 05/07/2010 09:57

I don't know what will happen when I leave. I would never want to stop him seeing the children. I want him to have access whenever he wants, rather than only seeing at them at weekends etc. I will be house hunting in the same area he is in, so they are close to him.

I do worry that dd1 might not want to stay with him, because of the way he shouts constantly. They can't make any noise at all, or he explodes . He blames them for this. But they are noisy all the time, and I manage to deal with them 7 days a week without bellowing at them constantly. My mum manages them and my sisters dc, without bellowing at them, so does my father, who really is quite ill and would have a good excuse to not want any noise at all.

I can only hope that without the stress of being in a bad relationship, he will be able to enjoy the children more. I do accept that I am not perfect, and I have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship as much as he has. It can't be easy for him and he can't possibly be happy with me. He says he is, but I refuse to believe that someone who is happy and in love would behave in such a vile manner.

Plus him having them overnight, in a house just around the corner, is a little different to him leaving the country with them for a fortnight.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 05/07/2010 10:04

Given your story as outlined here, it strikes me as highly likely that he messed up your clothes deliberately. He may not be dangerous but a man who doesn't want to see his domestic servant disappearing is likely to engage in petty, passive-aggressive bullshit like this all the time.
I see what you mean about not wanting to diasappoint your DC re the holiday, but will you and they be able to spend time away from this knob while you are on your holiday ie will he sit and prop up a bar all the time while you and DC have fun, or will he be dragging round after you moaning and/or asking for sex all the time as 'we're on holiday'.

TrillianAstra · 05/07/2010 10:04

A fortnight? Good luck - sounds like a bit of a nightmare.

(sorry, nothing more helpful than that to say)

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 05/07/2010 10:26

SGB no, we will be together most of the time. Although he does like to sleep a lot in the heat and I can't sleep well in the heat, so we will have time by the pool in the mornings.

To be fair though, we do get on a lot better on holidays, without the day to day stresses of life. But unfortunately life cannot be one long holiday.

Sex might be an issue, but we probably have dd2 sleeping with us most nights anyway.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 11:25

sex might be an issue??

you are not considering shagging him, are you ?

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 05/07/2010 11:32

No, but I am expecting him to ask for it, that's what I meant by it might be an issue. He still doesn't understand that I am leaving. And that we are not in a relationship any more. A relationship is partnership of two equals in my eyes. Something we haven't been for years.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 12:33

I am struggling a little bit with your thinking though, shiny

Although no man has the right to expect sex (if you read any of my posts you will know I am very clear on this), I just think you are sending mixed messages...

You tell him you are separating, but your life is still so tied up together. You still moan about his "habits" as if you are still a couple...

You agree to go on holiday, even though you know you will be forced together for long periods of time. He will be thinking he can soften you up while you are away...

I have seen your posts before and I guess I don't understand why you even give him the fucking time of day (beyond sorting out the kids...)

< shrugs >

Original poster

ShinyAndNew · 05/07/2010 13:10

I'm a bit stuck atm, wrt I have no where else to go. This is his house, it's his furniture, if he wanted to be an arsehole about it, they are his clothes too.

I am trying to keep things civil for the sake of the children, while I get together enough, so that I can have a house with at least a bed for them, in it.

During the times that I have tried to separate our lives, he has made the atmosphere unbearable. That is not fair on the children.

I guess part of me is hoping that he will somehow miraculously change over night and start being the man I met again.

I am leaving. I just need time to organise things properly and I need to keep things civil in the meantime. The messages to him are clear enough. We don't have sex, we don't kiss or cuddle. I am rarely in the same room as him tbh. If he tries to initiate anything I remind him that I am leaving, that we are not together in that way any more.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 13:30

shiny, I might be wrong but your penultimate paragraph is the one that is standing out (for me, anyway)

however, you don't have to explain anything to me, I just hope you can sort it sooner rather than later as he sounds horrible

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