to feel invaded?

[nagoo]

My DH has been training over the past 9 months so he has been locked in a room upstairs when he gets in from work, doing more work. I therefore have been working full time shifts, looking after our DS during the day and doing all the housework, dinners etc.

He always came home to clean house and dinner on the table.

He's finished now, and has taken it upon himself to cook. This means there is not a meal ready prior to 8pm, and he doesn't consider that DS goes to bed at 7pm. He keeps him up however long he feels he is going to, and expects me to look after him while DH cooks.

He still hasn't cleaned anything or tidied the house.

I got cross yesterday. He said that I don't appreciate the effort he's making and I agreed that I don't.

AIBU or is this not a normal reaction to him landing back in our lives? If your DH works away, do you resent him when he comes back?

bump?

I'm guessing that this might be a little more about you not feeling your contribution over the last 9 months has been fully appreciated by him - and I can entirely understand why. My DH spent 6 months either at work or shut away studying and I had to do everything else, so I sympathise with you.

Maybe your DH has become a little removed from your family's routine. Would it help to give him some direction about what chores/activities he could take over that would actually be a help to you? Does he have to cook the evening meal if it's so disruptive to your DS's routine?

Hmmm. I imagine it's difficult for you to readjust and he probably jsut doesn't get it, but at least he's showing willing. Can you have a talk to him (without damaging his ego/will to help ) and explain that DS needs to be in bed by a certain time.

DH always says "men need telling." They just don't always like it!

What they said and I have been in your shoes.

You don't have to wait around for your DH to fix things though. You can be proactive now and regain the control it sounds like you have lost/feel you have lost.

Start giving your son tea in the late afternoon. Sit with him and have some of it yourself. Make sure it's filling stuff, with protein, fat, good carbs etc.

Resume putting him to bed at 7. Your sanity is not worth waiting until DH can get on board and do bedtime.

Sit down and talk to DH about the schedule. Also talk about your resentments. Sounds like he is ready to start participating and contributing again, you just need to work out a new plan.

Good luck.

I will speak to DH nicely about trying to fit in my routine.

I just feel that I am being unreasonable to feel like he's invaded my space and my routine, and I resent it, but I don't know how to make myself feel any differently.

I'm not very good at pretending that things are ok when they are not. I think I tell the truth a bit too much.

Nothing wrong with that - I'd say it's perfectly reasonable.

if its about your ds's meal time could you not give him his earlier so its just the 2 of you and he's in his bedtime routine that way.

Thank you everyone, he has been very well behaved today, got DS some dinner at 5pm (I went out to work then) and he's taken the bottles to the bank and sorted the recycling, and hung the washing out, so the talking about my resentments did work

Also he went to the pub last night so I got some peace