to think I'm a bad mum?

[mumworried]

(name changed for this)

Cutting a very long story short ds never settled into school well didn't go to feeder pre-schools as moved 8 months before and summer baby so started school a week later and only did 1/2 days for 1/2 a term.

Behaviour was awful to say the least and always in trouble at school. Things have got better but he seems to seek negative attention and has now started doing it ocassionally at outside clubs too.

Behaviour with me is fine - occasionally doesn't listen - but noramlly no probs.

I really don't know what to do and need advice as people I know in RL who know ds don't believe me and think I'm exagerating - I'm really not

PLEASE HELP ME.

That's good his behaviour is a bit better and that he's OK at home.

Starting school can be unsettling, he doesn't sound very old so plenty of time for him to learn what's expected of him.

I've not got any advice, but most children play you up at school at some time

I think sometimes we can expect too much from children and what we may view as 'naughtiness' is quite simply childish behaviour- and if you cant behave like a child when you are a child then ....

Do people comment upon his behaviour?

Does he know that you find his behaviour with other people naughty??

It could be that he behaves like this to amuse other people who perhaps view it lighter than you.

Depending on his age there are lots of strategies you can use and only trial and error will help you find the one that works for him.

*continual reminders of behaviours you expect.

*rewards and praise

*exact instructions of your expectations

• reward charts and behavior records

*talking it through and looking at what precedes this behaviour

Generally just riding the storm til he/she becomes a teen and you wish behaviour was all you had to worry about - now theres mobile phone bills to consider,coursework,curfews,exams,fashion clothes,secrets,moods,filthy bedrooms,astronomical food bills,the general teenage smell ...etc etc ...u get my drift?

You are not a bad mum in any way (or if you are so am I and all other mumsnetters).

Poor you. I was in the same situation with my ds.

A total horror at pre school, then the bit of reception he did, but fine at home. Yes, the occasional 3/4/5 ur old stroppyness, but never the terrible behaviour he showed at school.

Nonone believed me either. Friends and family saw him as the polite, friendly, lovely little boy he was at home so didn't believe how awful he was at school, and school only saw a violent, dissobiedient monster and wouldn't belive he was lovely outside school. I couldn't win. The school said they couldn't help until we stopped protecting him and admitted he was badly behaved at home. We couldn't put any measures in place for his behaviour at home as he never showed any of the behaviour he did at school. Everyone thought we were lying.

No real advice to give, as we pulled him out of school at 5 and a half to home educate. Never a problem since. But I do know what you are going through and hoe hard it is.

Message withdrawn

school have commented many times about his behaviour - first parents eve in year r was a list of all he'd done wrong til date. He knows what I expect and school too although he just seems to do it anyway at school and says he doesn't know why

He is now at end of yr 1 so 5.10. Many times when in yr r and he went on the cloud I was abit because it just seemed like normal child stuff.

when we have a bad few days at home treats such as computer time are revoked and I draw up a reward chart for things he's forgetting (maners/ tidying up when asked or whatever) and so many stickers gets his time back. Usually takes him a day!!!!

HT at school says he seems to 'require' negative attention and I'm worried he's learnt this from school as he's had lots and is now crossing over to outside school.

I do really think people must think I cannot teach my son good behaviour and as I said its no good me talking to rl friends as they don't believe me !!!

lolapoopins thats interesing as I have considered the same thing - problem is as a single parents I have to work or I could be streeteducationing!!!

Have also considered moving schools fresh start etc but worried that could be very disruptive and may esculate the problems.

school suggested and I agreed a reward chart 18 months ago but it never happened and nothing was said other than he's getting better.

Judging by your posts you sound anything but a bad mum, you sound caring and as though you've tried everything you can think of, not that that solves any of your problems.

You're not a bad mum, some children just really can't cope with the school environment at that age, but the good news is most childrne grow out of it and eventually settle into it and realise it's better for them to behave as expected in school.

What kind of things is he doing? Is he being rude to adults? Hurting other children? Putting himself or other children at risk or compromising his safety by not folloing instructions?

Does he constantly need to be told what to do when the other childrne have settled? Does he find it impossible to sit still no the carpet? Does he talk all the time? Does he shout? Is he openly defiant to the teachers and other adults?

If the school have recognised that he seems to like negative attention, have they tried not giving him any attention when he is being 'naughty'? (apart form if what he is doing is dangerous etc.). Perhaps they could come up with a system whereby the more he misbehaves the less attention he gets, while still facing consequences for his misbehavious?

Hi. Time to put your foot down with School and dont be brow-beaten by them. If your ds is fine at home, then he is fine, and you do not have to justify yourself to school. The problem, whether school choose to see it as such, or not, is between what is happening in School and your ds.
They are required to implement strategies for any dc that is having difficulties in school-this includes behaviour, and stategies are not only for SN dc, or those that have SEN.
Ask the school what strategies they have tried with your ds so far-what has worked well. What happened re the reward chart? Ask for this to be put in writing.
Does your ds like his teacher? Is he uncertain of her/him? Do you feel she is negative overall re him aside from the behaviour? (Does she say anything positive at parents eve.?) If you get the feeling she dislikes your ds, dont be afraid to say, that you are concerned that she may be too harsh with ds and this in turn is fuelling negative behaviour.
If things are not improving, and certainly after the summer, make an appoint. to see the Head face to face, to work out how to make his next year at school more positive.
Lastly, have the school done much small grp work with ds, or tried 1:1? If so, how did he respond? If not, say you would like them to try this. Perhaps he is struggling with being with so many people all day-inc. after school club. Some dc find the hustle and bustle of school hard to cope with and act out. Make sure he has friends and is not being bullied as obvious triggers for behaviour. HTH.

What' home life like?

Perhaps he is good at home because you don't make him do things he doesn't want to do and he has more control over his life than he has at school?

Agree with BigPants.

Have you spoken to the SENCO yet and are they involved?