Aargh!! now i understand what makes perfectly reasonable women into Bridezillas!

[nickelbabe]

first, i ask for my friends to be in the choir for my wedding, they say yes, that's fine.
then she says that she's going to sit in the congregation to keep an eye on her DCs (they're 13, 12, 8 and 5).

I've told her that she will be in the choir and that the DCs will be fine in the nave of the church with all the other children.

second - my little sister has told my mum that she will set up the buffet in the morning and then go back to her hotel to get her 3 sons ready (11.5, 10 and nearly 5) so that she can "go to the wedding as a family.
(this has been a running problem ever since she got married - it's like her sisters don't exist anymore).
i wanted my mum and sisters to be with me before the wedding to help me get ready and to walk down to the church with me.

third - i asked my big sister (who is a qualified NNEB) to keep an eye on my friend's youngest 2 during the service, as she'll be down the front with her own DD anyway. she's just texted me to tell me that she doesn't want to look after someone else's kids as she's there to enjoy herself.

so, basically, I risk losing one soprano from my choir on my wedding day, and not have my sisters around me before the biggest day of my life because they're all thinking about themselves.

this is how Bridezillas are created!

yes, i know you'll all say IABU, i expect that. I just had my visions - i've not been fussy about anything else - the choir thing is my only Important Thing in the wedding and as usual my sisters are trying to ruin it.

(the issue with my little sister wouldn't even be mentionable if i hadn't got the choir issue - it just happened at the same tiem and added to my stress)

YABU. What compo said. Its about your vows, not about sisters and friend sitting with their childen. Once you have kids, they take priority over sisters, especially grown up sisters. However, you seem like a decent sort nickelbabe, so have a wonderful day and just let your sisters/friend stay with the kids and keep them quiet so you can get married in style without whispery arguments and fidgeting from your nephews and neices.

Oh and just cos your sister is NNEB qualified doesn't mean she wants to do it all the time for everybody!

Have a wonderful wedding and let them be. Its only about you two up front at the altar.

Not heard a mention of your husband to be. Good luck with being married if you are starting as you mean to go on

YABU on nearly all counts.

The wedding thing may be confusing you but they way it usually goes is that you and your future dh (or your parents) are the hosts and everyone that you invite are guests not slaves.

It is completely unreasonable to expect three children to sit and behave in a church with no adult supervision and I would think your friend would be extremely uncomfortable if she doesn't have a partner there to keep an eye on them whilst she sings.

Your sister is not an unpaid babysitter and good for her for standing up to up and saying she wants to enjoy herself. It's not fair to expect her to look after children she doesn't know. Where are the mother/father of these children?

The only point I think you are being reasonable on is asking them to walk with you to the church. Presumably they have partners who can take the children but if not perhaps you are being unreasonable there to.

ooh, new replies - sorry you two, but it's a really old thread.

as it transpired, my big sis did agree to keep an eye on my friends' children, but they were smashingly well-behaved (which i knew they would be - it was more of a security thing for the parents)
and Morticia - the reason i asked my sis in the first place was because I needed the parents of the children in the choir - that's why they couldn't look after their own children.

The choir is the most important thing......

Sorry if someone pointed this out already

I should really check the dates

and madav - actually, in this case, the choir was the most important thing - it's the whole reason we got married!
DH is the organist at our church, and I met him because I joined the choir. and we are both fully involved in the choir, so in effect, it's our whole life!