Mother in law

[fairymonkey]

I am new 2 mumsnet I just need to let off some steam. This is a long story.

I have been with my partner for 8 years now. We couldnt wait to have children and after trying for over a year we had a little girl in 2008

The whole family were happy, or so I thought. I got on ok with my partners parents he is an only child. The min I gave birth my mother in law changed. She hated that a breast fed I had to leave the room when i was feeding my baby if she was there. But i got over that and everything was going fine again so when we hit money problems we asked if we could move in with them for a year so we could save money etc.

They couldnt of been nicer, clearing space for us and helping us move. I thought we were getting on fine tried 2 b clean and tidy around house helped when we could etc.

Then 5 months into us living there his mum told him she didnt like us being there, we were out 2 much and she didnt see her grandaughter enough!! So she would rather not see her than just little bits at a time.

We had to leave that day. so now we r living with my parents and brother and sister in a 3 bedroom house very cramped.

Now she has had the cheek 2 complain that we moved out 3 months ago and she has only seen grandaughter once.

(my parnter phoned her and arranged to meet her and his dad downtown on her bithday which we had bought her a present for even though all this happened.)

She hasnt phoned us once since this all happened. His dad txts every so often ( dont even know if he knows whole story he was out when it all happened).

I feel we have been doing the "right thing" all the time by not shouting just moving out still meeting her on her birthday etc. but they just dont see it, they just see the bad things.

This is driving me crazy and put a huge strain on me and my partners relationship.

Does anyone have any advice???? anything would help

How does your DH feel about his mum and the fact that she asked him to leave with this family? Does he still think that you all need to make an effort with her?

She sounds like a spoilt brat to me. When she throws these hissy fits does everyone usually pander to her? My Mil used to stop talking to my Fil, dh and his sister. I was expected to do the same. I either ignored her or asked her what was going on. It's not that I don't like her but I wouldn't stand that behaviour from anyone. The fact that your Mil threw you out when she knew (and accepted) your financial position was selfish- I suppose she knew that you'd end up at your parents. Your dh should be supporting you and your lo fully so why isn't he?

Well, a couple of things you said in your OP make me wonder whether there is more to this than you have indicated.

You said that you 'tried' to be clean and tidy around the house and that you helped 'when you could'. That indicates to me that maybe you were not as clean and tidy as MIL would have liked ( and is entitled to, it is her home) and that maybe you were not as forthcoming in the help department as you could have been. Was she having to do most of the work around the house still? Even though there were three extra people living there? What contribution were you making financially? I realise you were there because you had financial problems, but it is not his parents job ( or your parent's job either) to subsidise you financially. I wonder if she feels that you used her home as a hotel? A free one at that?

I may have got hold of the wrong end of the stick, and if so, I apologise, but your OP was not clear about these things and I think they are important when considering her actions.

Thanks for the replies

sayithowitis - Your right I forgot to put all that in we gave them money every month an amount which was set by them and bought all our own food etc we had a bedroom of our own and we made another bedroom into a small living area which we tidied every day. When I cooked I washed and dried dishes even before eating my dinner. Cleaned shared bathroom everyday and when they went away on holiday cleaned the house top to bottom, father in law thanked me for how clean house was. So dont think that was why she told us to leave her only reason was that she didnt see grandaughter enough which is mad she saw her everyday.

lazarusb/firsttimemum77 - Me and partner hate fighting and r very easy going and MIL knows this so I do think she thinks we will backdown and let her get her own way but we feel she has gone to far this time. My parter is supporting me as (I forgot to add this part she said me and my daughter were to leave not him!! so he told her she must be mad to think he wouldnt come with us.) We dont want to cut off all contact for our daughters sake.

Ok, then I think that you need to draw a line under this if you want to maintain contact. If you and dh are agreed on this and don't want to argue it over with her then you are just going to have to put up with it and move on. I still think she is immature though.

I personally wish to ask when she made you stop breastfeeding was it in her house or yours?

I would be fairly annoyed by what she has done personally and I wouldn't speak to my own mum if she kicked me and my dc out with no notice. I think the saying your out to much was her trying to get you to leave your dd with her more and that she didn't expect you to call her bluff.

I was breastfeeding in my own house and had to leave the room if she was over and baby needed fed. Cant believe I did it now i wont do it again with next child she can leave room if she has problem

I feel we had drawn a line under it but now she is complaining about not seeing grandaughter.

But its really hard my partner works all weekend but thats the only time they are both off and can see her so my partner has to take a special day off at weekend so he can meet them. But they r now saying they wanna meet every week.

Do you think I should meet them and speak to them or would this make it worse?

personally sounds to me like she was expecting another shot of motherhood when you moved in and was bitterly disappointed.

I can't believe she kicked and your LO out and expected your DH to stay! I would personally tell her where to go- you must have the patience of a saint.

Could your husband have a talk with her? She must realise and understand that you have your own lives- if you don't want to meet them every week you don't have to. Put the happiness of your family- you, your DH and LO- first. If they don't like it it's not your problem