to be cross with Grandad for leaving tablets within kid`s reach again...

[OnEdge]

My parents have my 1 year old and 3 year old round once or twice a week for a morning or afternoon.

My Dad always leaves his tablets in one of those packs that divide his tablets into days, it isnt child proof. There are two of those,and also a couple of bottles of tablets on his bedside table.

I have asked him about 3 times now to move them out of the kids reach before they come. He always gets huffy with me and says they wont touch them.

What pisses me off the most and makes me sad is that when I was a toddler I had to go to A&E and have my stomach pumped out because I "found" my mum`s anti depressants and took some.

AIBU to be upset or am I am over anxious mum. My freind said I am over reacting. I suffer from anxiety regarding my kids health, so I dont know now what is a genuine concern or me being silly.

Do the children go in his bedroom or have free reign round the house?

Personally I think childproof bottles on his bedside is reasonable and I wouldn't be worried about those.

However the daily doser thing is unacceptable, particularly if it's in the main living area where your kids play.

In your shoes I would just move the daily pack thing out of reach when you get there and do it every time until your dad gets the message. If they objected or moved them back I would refuse to let my child play there unsupervised.

And I am NOT an anxious mum at all. People usually accuse me of the reverse!

You are not over-reacting. My father has numerous pills and potions, and needles in his bedroom.
And a lock on the door that he uses when small grandchildren are around. Every adult checks that the door is locked and unlocked and locked again.
Yes, they will touch them. Perhaps even eat them. He needs to put his pills in a safe place, locked or a high shelf.

Bad idea to leave the tablets lying around. BUT your 3yo at least should understand that he isn't allowed in the bedroom. And surely your parents should be supervising the 1yo very closely indeed (and the 3yo quite closely - at least knowing which room he's in).

I have regular medication and kept it on a very high shelf when ds was small - I had to stand on the bed to reach it and extend my arms fully.

Yes they go in and out of his room. He often sits in there on his laptop. i doubt that they often go in without one of parents but it wouldnt take more than 30 seconds for the damage to have been done. I am nervous because I am often not present myself and they stay for around 4-5 hours.

I think they have an over relaxed attitude towards risks where my kids are concerned, but cos I suffer from anxiety they just say I am over reacting.

Its like I asked mum to not give 3 year old smarties any more because they were now a choking hazard to 1 year old, so she gave her maltesers instead. And yesterday, I suggested they didnt let her have a balloon, and mum said " I didnt give it to her she brought it herself" I thought that was immature really and would rather she had just just agreed to be vigilant and take it off her regardless of where it came from. They think I am criticising them all the time and take it personally.

Sounds rather difficult. Can you move the tablets when you arrive? OR can you change the situation so you don't leave the kids on their own?

You don't sound ready to let your parents have unsupervised care of your children, and your parents don't sound up to it yet either.
My father used to say 'Stay there and don't move until I get back' and then be surprised and annoyed when she's wandered off, fallen in the pond or eaten his lunch. So I used to be around until she was old enough to survive his concept of grandparenting.
It worked, and they have been relatives and friends for years. Same with DS following on.

In my head, I am outraged, sad, angry alarmed shocked disapointed frustrated with their (GP) behavoir. But I am trying to relax, that is why I am grateful for the oppertunity to put it to MN and get a balanced feedback.

I think I am particularly sad because I would have thought the fear they should have gone through when I had my stomach pumped would have made them particularly careful, and I perceive their slack attitude as uncaring. I also had to have stomach pumped because i ate dodgy berries apparantly. Mum`s attitude is always one of surprise, like " I dont know how it happened!" and I think because you werent watching me and you allowed to to happen.

Irresponsible but adorable adoring Grandparents - tricky. They arent doddery either and are both supposedly inteligent

My parents where always extra careful where children and medicines where concerned because of similar circumstances, when I was 2 my db aged 5 climbed up and got the sweeties out of the wardrobe ate the chocolate and gave me the 'sweeties' I was rushed to hospital the sweeties where tablets. mum still goes on about the comments dad and her endured like 'that baby looks drugged' on the way home on the bus I was kept in for a few days.I would of thought it would make your parents extra vigilant.

YANBU, and as for GPs always watching where the children are, in my experience they don't. Last time MIL had DS she took him to her mums and he was running in and out of the kitchen unsupervised. After a while they realised they hadn't seen him for a while, they found him upstairs in one of the beds. They had no idea where he was as they were all sat in the front room whilst leaving a 2 year old to his own devices.

I dont think they are ready to have the kids, but if not now never will be.

I did go in yesterday and move the tablets on top of his wardrobe, and caught him looking at them bewildered, wondering why they had moved, but they did stay up there.

I always walk round and do a quick risk assesment before I leave but worry about things that crop up when I am gone.

They would be devastated if I stopped them staying. My 3 year old stays over night once a week. She does know not to touch tablets, and once she found a tablet on the floor in my house and brought it to me all concerned. But you cant rely on that as being safe. 1 year old would shove them in.

I spoke to a nurse freind who works in ITU and she said one of the most common reasons for kids beong admitted there was them taking parents meds.

I think my anxiety is good because it makes me aware. They are using it against me to suit them I think.

If your dad needs a nomad doser because he can't manage his medication then is he able to supervise children? Usually nomad dosers are only issued to people who get confused about their medication.
It sounds like the nomad is just 1 problem of wanting your parents to be childminders. Maybe time to just visit your parents with your kids and have someone younger and fitter doing the childminding.

The trouble is having a mental illness like anxiety, I am never sure now what is real or what is my brain on overdrive. Mum knows that and plays on it. So if we argue, she will say " have you had your tablets today?" which is her nasty way of saying that my point in the argument is unreasonable and that I am being anxious. That is how she uses my anxiety regarding the kids to her advantege in an argument. She osften takes things personally, such as my risk assesments. If I move something, she gets all offronted and offended. When I mentioned Dad`s tablets she got all "tolerant" with a cats bum face like here we go, shes off.

'I dont think they are ready to have the kids, but if not now never will be.'

I disagree, I waited until my children were more able to be responsible for themselves up to a point. Then they were fine with dad.
One incident sent me into hysterical giggles though.
My daughter shrieking ' Muuuummmmyyy!'
Rushed into kitchen to see her with an accusatory finger pointed at startled grandfather.
'Knives are for Grown-ups'
She wasn't happy until I took over making the sandwiches.
Serves him right said his wife and I.

I dont know why he has the doser because he fills them himself every Friday. he isnt confused at all. He cant walk far due to claudication but that is a physical disability.

Ok, this is just my view and please feel free to disregard it - but I think you need to concentrate on the real risks here.

For eg the balloon and the smarties - I think you are over-reacting. I let my 1 yo have (occasional) smarties, let alone his 3 yo brother. And they both play with balloons.

I think your anxiety over lesser risks has affected your ability to put your foot down over major ones iyswim. They are now ready to dismiss all your concerns.

Personally - and this is just me - I would disregard the lesser risks like balloons etc, and concentrate on the big issues, and unchild-proofed medication is, IMO, a big issue.

Sorry - I hope this doesn't come across as critical, because I don't mean it to be.

my mum uses one of those weekly dosers but only because shes on so many meds and she's not easily confused, she also fills it herself.

sorry I cross-posted with your post about their attitude to your anxiety.

They sound very unsympathetic and dismissive. Would it be worth your partner having a word and asking them to respect your concerns, particularly about life-saving issues like medication?

Yes they are dismissive and unsympathetic, especially considering mum suffered post natal anxiety.

Cant get partner to talk to them because I dont think he could, would be too awkward.

The balloon thing was after readingon here that they were a hazard, i never thought about them before.

Will concentrate on the biggies then like meds.

Another one that worries me is super glue. I have found that lying around before.

Is that a hazard? To me it is a dresdful hazard.

Also to me, letting your 2 year old watch you pick black berries and eat them. It is harmless in itself, but once they see it they might mimick you doing it with other berries that look attractive but are deadly.
I dont think at 2 they are old enough to distinguish between poisonous and non poisonous.

My freind got cross with me over this one, but I thought it was common sense to to let DD see it.

I feel bit hysterical reading this back now. It is so confusing.

the thing is if we stopped them doing everything that might pose a risk where do you draw the line, the really dangerous ones are our responsibility but let them have some fun and play and learn within reason.

Yes i should let go, but its hard. I worry about them too much. I worry they will get ill, so I suppose I see hazards as somthing that I CAN control.

"Also to me, letting your 2 year old watch you pick black berries and eat them. It is harmless in itself, but once they see it they might mimick you doing it with other berries that look attractive but are deadly."

I agree they are not old enough to distinguish between berries but they are old enough to learn that there are some things you should only do with an adult.

I absolutely would (and have) taken my two blackberrying. But they understand they are not to eat any berries without checking them with me first. The little one needs supervision of course (he's only one) but then he wouldn't understand the concept anyway, and just needs supervising full stop. The older one completely understands.

It's like everything - crossing the road - feeding the ducks - filling the bath - they can all be dangerous unsupervised but that doesn't mean that you don't do it, you just have to teach them it's only something for doing with an adult.

As for things like superglue - well - yes it probably is a hazard in the end you have to accept that a grandparent's house is not going to be childproofed to the same degree as your own. There will be cleaning products, gardening equipment, tools lying around that you would probably choose to lock away at home.

I'm not sure what you can do about that - you can't expect them to act as if they are the parents of under 3s 24/7. All you can do is supervise them adequately until your kids are of an age to understand what may be dangerous, which is probably not far off.

We had strawberries and edible herbs in our garden. I've taught the kids from an early age what they can eat and they've also been on fungi hunts with me. They also know eating unidentified plants, berries and fungi can make you ill or kill you and have had poisonous plants pointed out.

If they are not being sensible re pills, then tell them the kids are not staying with them any more.

Be firm. Why are you putting the kids into a situation that is making you anxious when you have the power to make your parents make a choice - move the pills or don't have the grandkids to stay.

easy answer to this - don't have your children round there unsupervised. It's not worth the risk.

FWIW I've also had a discussion with my own parents about safety concerns when looking after DS - they don't use the reigns with him even though I've stressed why we always use them. They feel it's fine to not use them, even near a busy road. Am fed up being undermined