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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in giving my 10yo this much freedom?

24 replies

plonker · 03/07/2010 11:47

My 10yo dd is round at my sisters house with my 11yo neice. They've just gone off to the park (no main roads to cross, roughly 5mins walk) and then on to their grandma's house (one main road to cross and a further 5mins walk).

I have been giving her a bit more freedom bit by bit as I want her to be fully confident by the time she goes to high school (she'll be going into Y6 in September) as she will have to get the bus with her friends. Now, however, I'm having a bit of a wobble as to whether I should have let her go quite so young, or whether I should have waited til she's a little bit older

She has her phone on her, both girls are very sensible and dd is so excited to be allowed to go. I know I have to let her do these things, but is she still a little young?

So, AIBU? I know I'll get straight answers here ...

OP posts:
violethill · 03/07/2010 11:49

YANBU - you sound very sensible and this is exactly the sort of experience she needs to get used to using the bus and being generally more independent.

It's hard the first time - but you need to just let them do it!

malovitt · 03/07/2010 11:50

She'll be fine.

There's two of them and they have a phone.

Don't worry. I roamed all over the place when I was ten.

bruffin · 03/07/2010 11:51

It was about this age my dcs started going to the park by themselves.

Bonsoir · 03/07/2010 11:51

Sounds fine and normal to me.

verytellytubby · 03/07/2010 11:55

Sounds fine. I'm dreading the first day I let DD go out alone. I've got a couple of years to go.

Pattenberger · 03/07/2010 11:57

Sounds like you're doing great, start slowly, small distances, as you are. Ds was 10 when he started going out to the park and walking to friends.

diamondsandtiaras · 03/07/2010 12:08

She will be fine and you sound like you've taken a very sensible approach to it. I was just remembering that when I was about that age my friend and I used to disappear off on our bikes all day.....our parents didn't have a clue where we were and there was no such thing as a mobile phone. Times have changed so much!!

valleyqueen · 03/07/2010 12:13

No it's fine my dd has been going since she was 10 she is now 11 and brings herself home from school and sorts herself out til I get in at 5.

mangoandlime · 03/07/2010 12:15

Absolutely fine and good on you! I take the same approach with my 10yr old.

muggglewump · 03/07/2010 12:15

I let my 8yr old do that and she doesn't have a phone, but we do live on an estate where it's the norm and everyone watches out for kids.

Blu · 03/07/2010 12:24

The phone is, to my mind, the only scary bit. The biggest risk to young poeple round here is being mugged for theeir phones by other young people.

And i'm not sure what practical help a phone is to children soclose to hime. They won't get lost, and if there was an accident, there would be plenty of people round to help. But kids should know thier home number and address.

But it's always a bigstep letting them do something new, so sympathies and hand-holding - and i hope they enjoy themselves and thier new independence

cat64 · 03/07/2010 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lostinwales · 03/07/2010 12:39

Same age and situation as DS1 and we've been letting him go around the village for about 3 months with his friends (and he has mild ASD) I even let his 8 year old brother go with them (although frankly he has the most sense!)

shabbapinkfrog · 03/07/2010 12:44

I think it is brilliant. My DS4 (almost 13) really struggled in his first year at High school because I hadn't given him this kind of freedom. Knowing what I know now I would have encouraged independence like this.

Oohh the long Summer days of school holidays when we would take off on our bikes and we only had to come home when the street lights started coming on OK I was born in 1956 - just after the Ice Age but it was a wonderful time to be a kid.

sparkle12mar08 · 03/07/2010 12:46

We were walking 20 mins to school across three main roads at eight years old. And going swimming together in a group of four or five at the same age. 10 is plenty old enough for a generally sensible child to be ten minutes away with a friend

foreverastudent · 03/07/2010 13:15

yanbu, at this age they should be doing stuff like that regularly

CastleDouglas · 03/07/2010 13:16

It depends on maturity, rather than age. As the OP's daughter is sensible, giving her a bit more freedom is good. I didn't really let DD off on her own until she was 11 or 12 and I wish I'd done it earlier, as it's a good way to build independence and self-reliance. Some of DD's teenage friends still aren't allowed out on their own

Original poster
plonker · 03/07/2010 13:23

Thanks for all the reassurances - they're definitely comforting to hear

Blu - I understand what you mean re phone. I should have made it clear to her that she's not to fight for it if there are any incidents
She likes the reassurance of the phone and has text me 5 times in the last hour telling me all about where she is and what she's doing ...she's so chuffed be actually out without an adult!!

I'd like to say that I'll relax now but I'm sure you all know that that's a load of bollocks stretching the truth a little ...

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 03/07/2010 13:27

my dd is ten and walked back from school(approx 15 minutes walk,one big road to cross)for the first time yesterday!i was wobbly too!but same as you,think little things like this will help her by the time she reaches big school.she walks to the shop which is ten minute walk sometimes.she doesnt have a phone(something dh and i dont agree on,i say no she shouldnt have one,he says yes she needs one)but she knows our home number and is sensible enough to find help if she needed it.
she thinks its great and it makes her feel very grown up.

ds1 is only a year younger but really doesnt have the common sense that dd does!im dreading him asking to go!

my auntie was telling me that when my cousin first walked home alone that a neighbour phoned her saying she'd spotted my cousin walking and that theyre was a car curb crawling behind her.luckily my auntie realised it was my unclehe was spying to make sure she was ok!good on the neighbour for spotting it though!

lazarusb · 03/07/2010 15:15

I'm in exactly the same situation and doing the same thing. I think actually getting her to get on a bus is the next big thing..dd hasn't been on one since she was small. The wobbliness will pass the more she does it

porcamiseria · 03/07/2010 17:58

yanbu

I used to get tube to school on my own when i was 9, with 7 year old brother

were there more paeds then? I doubt it

PickUpYourPants · 03/07/2010 19:52

YANBU
DD just 11 now walks home from school on her own (or with friends) crossing 1 main road on her 10=15 min journey. She is also allowed to go to the park or the shops with her friends in our local area. This is all to prepare her for going to Secondary School next term.
DD1 (13) walks from home to town a 30 min walk plus on her own regularly, like this morning to get to the hairdressers for 9am.

It's tough letting go and I was nervous when they starting going to and from school on their own, now I am more comfortable with it, however if they don't ring me to report in on time I am known to panic

borderslass · 03/07/2010 19:57

dd2 used to walk to school from the age of 9 and it was a good 35 minutes walk.

'were there more paeds then? I doubt it'

no but were more aware of it than our parents and grandparents where.

pointydog · 03/07/2010 19:58

all sounds absolutely fine to me

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