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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter says I am, I dont think so....

28 replies

MrsHarkness · 02/07/2010 16:42

My daughters friend asked her to go to her house for a sleepover tomorrow night, usually I would have no problem with that and I would say yes. This time however I know that her parents are away on holiday and it is only her and her brother in the the house. My daughter and her friend are both 12 and the brother has just turned 17. Its nothing to do with the fact that its a boy, its just that I dont think 17 is responsible enough to look after a group of 12 year old girls, so even if it was a 17 year old girl I would still have said no. They usually ask other girls to the sleepover too, but they think their parents are stricter than me, so since I have said no they think the other parents will definately say no so havent bothered to ask them. I have said that they can have the sleepover here, but they want it in the friends house and have said no to me. My daughter now thinks I am being completely unreasonable but I dont, what do you think?

OP posts:
JustBeachy · 02/07/2010 16:44

YANBU - the brother will not want a bunch of 12 year olds screeching all night anyway. I'm surprised he agreed to it!

thisisyesterday · 02/07/2010 16:45

no yanbu

slushy · 02/07/2010 16:47

I am normally lenient with teenagers being only 22 myself and wistfully remembering but in this case definitely not YANBU take your dd bowling or some such if she is grown up about this if she strops then that reinforces the she is to young.

Coca · 02/07/2010 16:52

they had something planned if it specifically had to be at the friends house...yanbu

pagwatch · 02/07/2010 16:52

Actually my DS1 is 17 and he is perfectly capeable of babysitting for DD who is 7. He has sat for her and a friend before - a child he knows well and whose mother has asked him to babysit before.
He is CRB checked, first aid trained and a trainned volunteer at a Disability support youth group.
17 year old boys are not a cliched heap of hormones lying morosely on a sofa..

Equally e would not find younger children especially annoying as he is perfectly capeable of telling them to be quiet or go away calm down.

I therefore don't think it is totally unreasonable set up. But I quite understand your reasons for saying no as you don't know this young man well.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/07/2010 16:53

I was left home alone at night from younger, but, you have offered for it to happen at yours which seems fair- it's not an outright no to a sleepover. Part of me thinks it would be OK, but the fact they have said no and now calling you unreasonable over the sleepover happening at yours would make me definatly say no now.

Hullygully · 02/07/2010 16:55

no way.

itstimmytime · 02/07/2010 16:57

No way would I let my 12 year old dd!

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/07/2010 16:58

It's prob. nothing more sinister than them wanting to feel "woooo, no parents, let's stay up all night and leave all the lights on!" etc. , and agreeing to 'check in' with you at certain times wouldn't be unreasonable, but I wouldn't be "bullied" into agreeing now you have said no if she is getting moody about it. 12 year old differ so much though, only you know your DD. Sometimes you have to let them prove themselves to be trustworthy, or maybe next time she may just fib about the parents being out.

Lauriefairycake · 02/07/2010 16:59

yanbu

unless I personally knew the young man there's no way I'd let dd stay in a house with no adult supervision

SparkOfSense · 02/07/2010 17:00

YANBU.
What if the 17 yo invites a mate or 2 over also? I would not like 12/13 yr old girls staying overnight with 16plus aged boys with no supervision.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 02/07/2010 17:00

Agree YANBU - if it was just the sleepover they'd be happy to transfer to yours - they were up to something...

pagwatch · 02/07/2010 17:01

at sinister and yet probably accurate ..'they were up to something'

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2010 17:03

yabu - to even consider that you would ywbu

you knwo your not so don't even go their and stand frim and know that she is blardy well trying it on

thesecondcoming · 02/07/2010 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

proudnsad · 02/07/2010 17:09

YANBU!

Put your foot down.

Altinkum · 02/07/2010 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wahwah · 02/07/2010 17:10

Yanbu. Cheek to even ask you!

PerArduaAdNauseum · 02/07/2010 17:11

It may have had nothing to do with the 17yo of course, other than they knew he'd be going out and they'd be totally unsupervised?

Original poster
MrsHarkness · 02/07/2010 19:08

Thank you everyone, had another word with her and she is quite happy for the sleepover to be cancelled, they are all going to go to the cinema instead, she did ask about having the sleepover here, but since I already offered and it wasnt good enough the first time I have said no, she realises that she blew it with her attitude earlier but is quite happy that they can go to the cinema so at least they are having some fun.

OP posts:
NestaFiesta · 03/07/2010 21:52

Wow. Nicely handled and top result Mrs Harkness.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/07/2010 21:57

Pag - 7 is almost better than 12 to be supervised by a 17 year old though I think? Far more likely to do as they are told, and less hatching of plans being done I would think

mumbar · 03/07/2010 21:59

2nd that nesta.

mamalovesmojitos · 03/07/2010 22:05

YANBU

very well handled.

smupcakes · 04/07/2010 02:44

No way! He may (and I think likely) let them have / even buy them some alcohol. It is a recipe for disaster!!

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