To not enjoy phone calls every single day?

[FortunateHamster]

Does anyone ring you every day, and how do you feel about it?

I've never been a phone person. I'd like to be more social but am quite happy pottering about in the evenings and while I don't mind answering the phone, it does get a bit frustrating when it's every day from the same person.

Basically, my parents used to phone me once a week or so. Since I've been pregnant they've rung all the time. Since I've been in the last trimester they've rung every. single. day.

I understand why. They care. They want to know I'm okay. They want to know that I haven't gone into labour.

I also get that for many people daily parental contact is the norm and they really like it.

But it's not the norm for me and it's slightly doing my head in. On top of everyone else asking why I haven't gone into labour yet, it's making me feel under even more pressure. I made this clear once, but still got a call the next day 'because your father has ordered me to ring'.

Once the baby is here I might actually have something to report on (other than I've been sat in the house all day), but I feel like it'll still be a bit irritating if the every day calls go on for much longer.

I love my evenings with my husband. We eat late and watch tv together (it's not all lazing about though, honest!), but my parents eat early and tend to call whenever we're in the middle of something.

Do you think there is any sensitive way to ask them not to call so much if they're still doing it in a few weeks (am being induced at the weekend so am allowing a few weeks of baby excitement after!)? Or am I just being a heartless bitch? At the moment I'm dreading the phone ringing :-/

But I do appreciate that they care. Really. /am not totally evil

YANBU. Get caller display or an answerphone and call screen. Or if that will panic, get your dh to answer and tell them that you're tired/in the bath/in bed and will phone in the next few days unless you have any news before then.

Don't answer the phone?

YANBU. I too am nearing end of pregnancy (36wks) and my blessed mother phones me every day now she knows I'm at home. On top of that I get emails and sometimes even 2 or 3 calls a day. I would rather the emails to be honest, like you I'm not much of a phone person.

It does worry me what she'll be like one the baby is here, as much as I lover her the daily calls do get a little wearing. I am thinking about getting a caller ID phone so I can just answer when I feel like it, or one that I can switch the ringer off so it doesn't disturb me a sleeping baby.

Don;t get me wrong, we have a great relationship and I love her, but a little OTT at the mo. They live about an hour away at present including a ferry ride etc, but there has been mention of moving closer (minus ferry)...DH did look a little scared.

DH said he was going to tell them I was napping so I could have some time off, but they've started ringing before he gets home :D

Have thought about not answering the phone but felt it would scare them.

But probably will do that post-birth sometimes if it's still happening.

Was intrigued as to whether the majority would think I was unreasonable first

yanbu - like Daisy says above, get yourself call screening or if your home phone has the function - assign your parents number a different ring tone to everyone else.

I can sympathise - last year I went through a particularly stressful time and my IBS flared up horrendously - I appreciated that they were worried but daily phone calls to ask how my bowels had been for the past 24 hours really drove me bonkers and I eventually managed to get my sister to suggest that maybe I didn't want to talk about it quite so often They still phone every couple of days but only now ask around once a week how my bowels are

no. My mum phones me every day.

for no reason.

She sometimes has nothing to say.

But she's my mum and I think she just likes to hear my voice mums are funny like that. I am sure when my kids have left home, I'll be phoning them far too often for no reason other than I want to hear their voices.

Get an answer phone. Tell her you are busy. Tell her to phone you at such and such a time. Tell her you are resting. Say you're busy and you'll phone her back. Suggest weekly calls. There's loads you can do if she's driving you potty.

YABVU.

I think it's wonderful you have close family ringing you.

Yes they care and they love you.

There are many people on here whos parents are not around, and when you have your baby, that really hurts, because that's the time you appreciate them.

Rant over. Sorry.

I am like this too, but I know my parents go through phases where they need to phone more often.

With some people, it helps to pre-empt the phone calls by phoning yourself - puts you more in control of the timing at least, & then you can enjoy the rest of the day.

The thing is, if you get caller ID & then don't answer, they assume you're in labour. My parents got like this. My dad called me & left frantic messages on my answerphone because I didn't reply to an email he'd sent - it wasn't even a proper email, it was a picture of a cat. What are you supposed to say to that.

Do they have mobile phones? You could always text them, maybe when they're having dinner, saying something like "hiya, no news yet, speak to u tmrw". And then do the same thing again the following day.

I am beginning to feel better now, thanks everyone

My mum does this thing of running out of stuff to say (like yours, Hecate) and going silent. And then when I try to wrap up and say 'so shall I let you go and sort out dinner/whatever it was you've mentioned' she says 'no, no, I've got lots of time to talk'.

Sigh

Aww, they do mean well, but I'm definitely going to have to be firmer. Even when I say dinner is ready I still have to speak to both of them before they'll let me go and eat it!

No-YANBU.

Once a week is fine imo if that´s what usually suits you, unless there is something important to say in the meantime.

Are they hoping to phone when you are in labour/just leaving for the hospital so that they can come over straight away?

If it helps I was in a similar position. Weekly contact with the parents turned into daily, which became increasingly frantic when I was 15 days overdue!

Now that ds is 4 weeks old the older pattern is almost restored. I probably talk to them a couple of times a week unless there is something to organise.

So, YANBU. Hopefully they will also relax after the birth.

Do you have an answerphone?

Try this message:

"Hi, you've reached the Hamster Household. FortunateHamster is not in labour, and is fine. Please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."

Oh dear, mine do this too. I've always spoken to my mother about twice a week. Since having a baby (and after we came home, which was a while later) she has called most days.

I don't mind most of the time, but what really winds me up is when she calls and has nothing to say, then expects me to carry the conversation. I've been moaned at for not being chatty, even when I've pointed out to her that she called me and she has nothing to say. I get all "sullen teenager" after a bit, giving one word answers and closing down the conversation as much as possible. I hate being like that too, so the empty call annoys me and my reactino to it annoys me.

I know we're really lucky to have them and for them to be so caring, but I totally understand your frustration. YANBU!!

diddl They live up north and I'm down south so I think some of it was wanting to be able to make plans to get away. But I'm being induced now and they've already booked a local hotel for next week. They dote on my niece so I think they are just genuinely excited about the next grandchild - which is lovely! - I just need to find the balance of keeping in touch and keeping my sanity

If you´re being induced this weekend, there´s perhaps not much point in saying anything now.

Might be better to leave until you get home with baby & sort some system out of who phones who when.

Saying that, ILs used to phone at a particular time on a particular day.

One time we were putting up a wardrobe so left it to ring.

FIL phoned later-MIL in a panic as no one had answered & we "knew" it would be them & should have left the wardrobe

Husband pointed out that we could actually have been out-to which the response of course was-"yes, but you´d be back in time for our phone call, wouldn´t you"

Yeah I've given up on saying anything pre-birth after trying once and not getting anywhere - the plan now is to see what they're like after the birth and work out how to politely get them to ring less often without causing offence.

Funny in-law story .

My parents were the same. It can be a bit trying but remember that to them its their baby that is having a baby, they just want to know you are okay and safe. They will also be very excited about their new grandchild. It will probably calm down after the baby is born.

I would call them early and say that you've been feeling tired, so will be leaving the phone off the hook and getting early nights until the baby is born, so will speak to them everyday at 6ish (or whatever time suits you best). This way they will not worry. Tell them you will call if you go into labour. Then you are free to do what you want, without interruption

YANBU Get the phone cut off before it takes over your life!!!!lol Tell them you will call them once a day. It's a nightmare with a new born baby with people wanting updates, calling and disrupting your routine.

Ok, what you say is:

Mum/Dad, before you go, I'm a bit busy tomorrow with x,y,z, (cinema, taking up swimming, yoga class anything!)so don't worry about calling me, I will call you the day after/at the weekend etc.

Just take control of it.