to avoid buying new?

[LeggyBlondeNE]

Ohter half has repeatedly accused me to 'being mean with our baby' and said 'don't keep trying to get everything second hand'.

Can we afford to buy new? Yes.
Do we need to buy new? I'd say no.

So far my excuses are that hand-me-downs have the advantage of having worked for our friend/relative's baby so are a safer bet than the unknown, that clothes only last 5 minutes on newborns, that X, Y and Z pieces of equipment won't be needed for long, and that it's environmentally irresponsible to buy new when you can accept donations/get used.

But really, I'm mostly focused on the environmental issue and the fact that everything in me screams against buying if perfectly good second hand alternatives are available. I grew up in hand-me-downs from cousins and loved them better than clothes I was given new; it was great sorting through sacks to see what I liked. And whenever I see something pricey new, I always think what we could do with the money we'd save by not buying it. (Like continue saving for that extra bedroom!)

Since Beloved's family always seem to have got them new stuff and continue to spend money like it's water at Christmas etc (because gifts=love I guess), he doesn't have my experience of family thrift and seems to think it's a bad thing.

Am I going overboard?

No YANBU I am the same. When they get older it matters more though. Save your money for later. There will be times when a new pencil case or t shirt will be important. When they are a baby it does not matter at all.

I totally agree with you and actually wish I could be more like you (sometimes I am too drawn by the shiny new things in shop windows)

With DC1 we had a fair bit of new stuff, but also quite a few second hand things from friends.

With DC2, he hardly got anything new for about a year - it was great.

My mum expressed her love with money (still does) so I know where your DH is coming from - but he should fight it!

YANBU

Good point hoopy.

When they go to school - even primary school - kids start to notice this sort of thing, sadly. Although I'm trying to teach DD the reasons why second hand stuff is desirable and good for the planet.

Absolutely not being unreasonable.
I plan on getting most things second-hand though I think as my baby gets older I might spend more on new clothes.

I was a jumble sale kid which I didn't mind at all until I was a teenager when I got teased a fair bit for having out of date clothes. In the long run though I have grown up without any kind of label fixation and feel a better person for it.

I think you should accept gifts with good grace but buying your own stuff second hand is fine.

Other People don't know the things are second hand anyway. My children usually have all second hand clothing except pants, socks, and white polo shirts. People are always telling me that my children are beautifully dressed and asking where I buy their clothing. They have loads of lovely things for only 20p each from car boot sales.

i don't think you're being unreasonable to want to save money, and to be eco-friendly

but.... it IS his baby too... maybe he'd like some input into things for the baby? abnd it doesn't hurt to get a few things does it?
you can still be eco-friendly by passing it on to friends, or re-using it yourself

i can imagine the responses if this was someone posting saying their husband wouldjn't let them buy anything new even though they could afford it... and it wouldn't be pretty

Re the environmental issue - if you buy new stuff, as long as you make sure it goes to a good home immediately as you have finished with it - eBay/friend/charity shop etc then I think buying new is OK. I think the environmental problem is that most people have loads of stuff (whether they got it new or second hand) that is not actually getting used.

I understand your POV, but if your partner wants the odd new item, you can make sure it goes somewhere appropriate when you're finished with it - then he would have his wish for the baby to have some new stuff?

We were always dressed in jumble sale clothes and my DB (who was the fourth child) had stuff that had originally come from the jumble, then worn by his 3 siblings and finally by him. He has grown into an adult who is very particular about his clothes and he always looks immaculate and he would never wear anything second hand. So you can have too much second hand!!

I agree you can have too much second hand. BTW my oldest dd is a teenager and she has a clothing allowance. The others are not interested in new clothing yet.

Hoopy - I had a clothing allowance from 13 too! (By that point I'd long been taller than the cousins and rapidly was too tall to easily get any clothes at all! Thanks goodness the high st shops eventually got with the program on that score!) It was a great way to learn to regulate myself and of course meant I chose all my own wardrobe which I appreciated!

Thanks for the comments ladies - good point about passing things on to reduce eco-effects. Beloved is slowly coming round to the idea that it's okay to give things away some times so that may work!

And I'm not saying nothing new, I'd just rather see what's in the sack of clothes and toys that's coming from family and friends before doing so. We're also choosing big items together even if we then source them second hand. Anyway, current agreement is that he can buy something (probably pretty, over-priced and rapidly ruined by puke judging by his taste!) at every age category and I won't complain. My old therapist would say this is one of those times where I have to learn I can't make everyone do something 'right'...!

Sounds like you have reached a good balance there already.