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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

DH out again!

12 replies

bridewolf · 01/07/2010 22:48

at least two evenings a week is spent with cricket, which is ok. but, said that this saturday, has tickets for lords , 3rd time this year.....

leaving me with the kids.
granted they are teens, but yet again , i am doing the washing /housework/homework nag fest, and he is relaxing somewhere.....

bastard.
am just going to walk out and go down the pub some evening and leave him to the cooking, washing etc.

OP posts:

fairygardener · 01/07/2010 23:09

Why not? he may appreciate wha you do if he needs to cope alone occasionally.
Do you evr get out with girlfriends?

pollyblue · 01/07/2010 23:31

If they're teens, they should be fine looking after themselves occasionally - why can't you go out too?

Or you could easily have a regular evening or two out with friends/at gym/at pictures/evening class etc on his nights in if you'd rather one of you was at home with DCs.

Personally, I don't think two evenings a week playing sport is excessive and tickets for his third trip to Lords this year - well, it is July, seven months into the year, so I don't really think that's excessive either. Start thinking about what you would like to do and don't use chores etc as an excuse.

AnyFucker · 01/07/2010 23:39

well, yes, I do think you are BU if you sit and moan when DH is out, when you could be out yourself

leave him a list of stuff to do, then swan out the door

it ain't difficult

what is it you want exactly ?

Mumcentreplus · 01/07/2010 23:43

why dont you go with?

Firawla · 01/07/2010 23:46

you should do something nice that same day so you dont just stay @ home cleaning and feeling mopey, either go with him, do something nice with your dc, or as they are teens maybe able 2 cope by themselves do something just yourself or with friends? but either way atleast do something you can enjoy, whatever it is. otherwise you would resent your dh. i do think you are a bit U, but if you do something for your self too you probably wont feel this way?

fairygardener · 01/07/2010 23:53

I agree with you Firawla, my dh has a very busy social life, sport, out with friends etc, I really don't mind because so do I!
Try to enjoy the time you have together Bridewolf, but take advantage of the times he is busy elsewhere and do something for yourself.

Original poster

bridewolf · 02/07/2010 08:45

we dont spend time together, and he plays for two cricket teams, and has a football season ticket.......

i dont seem to have a social life, so i suppose i must get one........

spend quite a fair bit of time driving kids every where, juggling two part time jobs and home.....

so, yeah, have neglected this area of my life.

certainly dont have much spare cash to fritter on nights out either...

but am going to sort something out..

if he doesnt want to spend time at home, i might as well do as he does and walk out and leave the kids to it, and get some form of life.

OP posts:

TheBride · 02/07/2010 09:47

Seems a bit unfair that you have no spare cash yet he can afford a football season ticket (esp if it's a Premiership side).

Maybe you need to discuss finances so that you have some money to treat yourself or pay for a cleaner or pay for the children to get a few cabs so you're not driving them around all the time, or, if you live in a town, let them get the bus.

You shouldnt feel you need to supervise homework for teenagers. Surely if they dont do it they'll just get bollocked at school and that'll teach'em.

So YANBU to be pee'd off with your lot, but unfortunately, you're the only one in whose direct interests it is to change the status quo!

Rindercella · 02/07/2010 10:02

YABU, sorry. 3 times to Lords this year is not that much, especially for a mad cricket fan. Twice a week for a hobby isn't that much either.

If you don't want to do all the cooking, housework, etc., then don't do it. Your DC are old enough to be expected to help out. You now have an opportunity to go and find yourself a hobby - it doesn't even have to cost very much.

I reckon it's time to start looking after yourself.

AnyFucker · 02/07/2010 14:20

why are YOU the one stuck with being a taxi service for your kids ?

Does he never take a turn ?

If short of cash...how does afford a season ticket ?

A bit of a power imbalance here I think...you are stuck in role of mum/organiser and he does his own thing.

Does that seem right to you ?

Original poster

bridewolf · 02/07/2010 15:56

yeah, its a premier team, so cost us a lot, and a mad cricket fan, as someone said.

i have tried hobbies as such, but nothing grabs me.
do voluntary stuff, which is very rewarding, but do see that as being a extra work in some ways.

would just like to have the time to sit, child free, for a day/afternoon, without having to pre-plan rest of family.

this is always a area that seems to fall on mothers, if you are leaving, you make sure there is food in the fridge, that everyone/older teens arent going off to a wild teen party, and that if they are , you ring and check there ok, and can safely get home. that younger teens arent fighting, or leaving the gas ring on when they cook their own dinner. etc etc

i cant just buy a ticket for something, happily say i am going, and leave without a thought.

thats the area i am truely jealous of my hubby.

its stinks. imo.

i am so cheesed of i am going the cinema on my own, to watch any crappy film just to get out of the daily responsiblity of a large family.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/07/2010 16:35

BW, I don't do some of those things you do with my teenagers

When I leave DH in charge...that is just it

I don't micro-manage everyone else's life. You just get used as a part of the furniture if you constantly do that (am talking from experience here)

He took the kids camping recently. I stay out of it completely. I will not pack, shop, find stuff or generally organise any of them, in any way. It is their thing. If they forget their raincoats and it pisses down all weekend...they get wet.

This is just an illustration, not bragging (sorry, it may come across as that).

Just that, perhaps the whole family take advantage of you as "just mum" who is always there to pick up the pieces. This suits your DH of course, so he won't rock the status quo, will he?

Perhaps you need to rock it a bit, though

Flip