this is disturbed behaviour from a child

[ElenorRigby]

This evening I was getting my nearly 3yo out her car seat when I heard 2 young boys (oldest about 8, youngest 4ish) shouting at (I assume) a male relative across the way saying this...
"If you don't give our playstation back, we will kill ourselves" Adult replied I could not hear what he said. The older child replied with words to the effect of "we want our playstation, do you want us to die?"
I was like WTF!?
I then heard the older boy say behind us "dont do that there's a little girl there"

I found the whole thing very odd. I have a 7 1/2yo DSD who would never ever say such things, such words would never enter her darkest imaginings!

My DCs say this (very) occasionally. My stock response is "Oh, that would be very sad and I'd miss you lots. But I suppose I could then turn your bedroom into a library so, hey, it's not all bad."

Dd1's favourite atm is "You wish I was I dead don't you? You must hate me. That's the only reason you would be so nasty to me. You hate me. You want me to kill myself don't you?"

"Nobody likes me; you hate me I now it!; you never do ANYTHING for me! I might as well die!!" Shrieks 8yo DD when upset.

This from the girl who goes to 7-10 activities a week, plus school, and has a busy social life... and I take her to all of it (sigh).

Normal. My dc would and do say similar.

my dd says stuff like 'if i dont have any more apple juice mummy i will surely die' she is 5 and channels Scarlett from Gone With the Wind. (actually shes heard me telling dp i'm 'dying' for a cup of tea)

oh gosh yes - of course - never thought of that phrase at all Fluffy - how often must so many of us say that about one thnng or another!

or "I'd kill for an x,y,z right now"

YABVU and over-reacting.

As has been pointed out kids come out with all sorts of similar comments. The best one is "I didn't ask to be born" to which the quip comes back "If you had asked the answer would have been "No".

pmsl Colditz - sort of thing my DS would say .....

When he was younger I was explaining to him we couldn't have a cat because Daddy is allergic so just matter of factly he announced - its ok I will get one when daddy dies !!

Breton believe me I am not over-reacting on this one, we fad far FAR more stressful crap going on to get little stressful with this,its a mere distraction for us atm.
OK many here have had experience with their kids with comments like these and so think /
behaviour/language like this normal.
So where does this come from in the children's experience, especially if the kids have no very personal experience of death.

They probably saw something similar on Neighbours/Eastenders/the news.

I remember asking a while ago where they get their ideas from. DD (5) was going through a phase of saying "you wish I was out of your life don't you?" I am still at a complete loss as to where she heard such a thing (she only watches CBeebies).
Now (5 and a bit) she reacts to being told off by going upstairs, packing her suitcase and telling me she is moving in with her friend who lives across the road. She never remembers to pack clothes though...

A little boy I look after (6yrs old) has repeatedly informed me that if I tell him to brush his teeth and go to bed, he will quote "kill me with mechanical machines, stab me and then I will go to heaven" unquote

... I usually tell him that his mechanical machines can't attack me because I have a level 54 forcefield on me (its invisible which is why he didn't notice it before) and while threats of death aren't a nice thing to say to anyone, I like the fact that I will in fact, go to heaven.

wicked how many children have you looked after, just wondering as you recall one case, are there others along similar lines or just the one.

Even at nursery age children often delight in saying the most horrible things they can - I'm going to throw you off the roof/cut your arms off with a sword/smash a rock on your head.

I've nannied for nearly 9 years I think, but mostly babies and toddlers so I think that would have been the only time I've heard it iyswim?
I think its totally normal though, I certainly wasn't shocked by it when he said it... countless times. In fact its a bit of a running joke lol.

DD2 upset her friend the other day by dramatically claiming that she was going to die. They are four. She also has a curious obsession with vampires.

No idea where it's coming from but she doesn't seem remotely disturbed. I'm finding this thread reassuring because DD1 never said such things and the parents of DD2's friend were a bit shocked, so I'm guessing their eldest didn't either .

Another vote heere for normal.

DS (5) can be an absolute drama queen and has been known to lie on the floor and sob that he wants to 'die' because he has such a horrible mean mum. He's also told me that he hates me for committing such heinous maternal crimes as refusing to let him watch an extra episode of Scooby Doo etc.

They don't mean it - they're just trying to get a reaction...and they do get frustrated if you don't respond. My reaction to both is 'oh dear, you won't get to do x then, never mind'.

Also very impressed by the creative powers of colditz' DS!

That's very true missus84 - DS told me once he was going to cut my head off with a sword.

My response was 'Oh, ok. Who will make your tea though?'

'You do it mummy'

'Well, I can't if my head's been chopped off'

Cue much thought....

I don't think there is any need for children to have personal experience to imagine hurting someone or wanting the comforting feeling that someone is hurting them or wants them dead. That kind of fantasy can rise perfectly easily from natural aggression coupled with a vivid imagination.

It's like running away: you don't need to actually have come across someone who's done it, all you need is to be able to imagine it.

Children above a certain age know that things can hurt you and that it is possible to hurt another human being, even to hurt them seriously- that is all the knowledge they need.

Above a certain age, they also tend to know that all people die sooner or later, and that some people die earlier from injury- again, that is all you need to say you are going to kill someone.

As often as not, I think it is a sign that they have very little idea of what death and serious injury is actually like. When ds did have personal experience of murder (finding out by accident that his beloved swimming instructor had been murdered), he did not go around making silly threats about murdering people he was annoyed with: he tried to throw himself out of the window.

I would take an obviously silly statement like "I am going to chop your head off and then you can cook me dinner" as a sign that a child is actually very sheltered and is fortunate enough not to have any personal experience of violence.