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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Sister and Mum lack of contact!

23 replies

bigbadwritersblock · 01/07/2010 11:59

Hi - sorry for long post need to get it off my chest!

AIBU..... I recently moved from North London to South London to make it easier to see family (they are now 10 mins drive away before was 1 1/2 hours... moved at 36 weeks pregnant) since moving my sister has visited me once, squashing me in between the gym and picking up kids from school. I am today 4 days overdue and I have had one text from her this week to see if any signs. I have been contacted lots by friends and DH's family to see how I am getting on - and people wanting to keep me company during the boring and a bit miserable waiting time. So why hasn't my sister who (when I see her tells me) how excited she was I was moving nearer and how excited she is about my baby coming - it all seems so false now. I called her tons last week but this week I just felt it would be nice if she called to see how I am. She doesn't work so has pleanty of time. Similarly my mum hasn't called me at all this week. I am being over sensitive or am I just lucky with thoughtful inlaws and friends?

Please be gentle - I am overdue and this has really upset me.

oh and my sister is going away this weekend - so wont be around to see the baby early days now anyway....

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 01/07/2010 12:02

Sorry you are feeling sad...do you think perhaps they are not calling you s some people get very irritated by being called contantly asking if there are any signs?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/07/2010 12:28

Perhaps she's not doing this on purpose, but she's just really busy and the days are flying past without her realising exactly how long it is since she last spoke to you or visited.

When you have school-aged children, one day can really blur into the next one, and before you know where you are, weeks have gone past.

You are at completely the other end of the spectrum at the moment - I well remember how slowly time seemed to pass as I got towards the end of each pregnancy - I used to feel as if I'd always been pregnant, and was always going to be pregnant too. And I never went past 39 weeks pregnant, and so I imagine it must be much worse for you because you are overdue. It's harder too because you have just moved house, so maybe further away from your old friends and feeling a bit isolated and lonely.

Could you get in touch with your local branch of the NCT? They will have Bumps and Babes coffee mornings, and postnatal support, and other social events, where you could make friends with other mums with young children. I just wish I was closer (Glasgow, so not close at all really) so I could come over and keep you company - but I am on mumsnet a lot and more than willing to listen if you want to vent here. I'm on Facebook too - if you're interested, I'll post my email address (no pressure).

{{Hugs}}

Original poster
bigbadwritersblock · 01/07/2010 12:33

It has really upset me, moving to be nearer family seems a total waste now - and it costs a fortune to move.,... ho hum thats not their fault (that I moved) but just really thought it would make a difference.oh well just have to focus on the people that do care.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 01/07/2010 12:34

perhaps your sister thinks hat dropping by with her dcs would be the last thing you would want in this heat, being overdue etc..perhaps she is leaving you to rest and enjoy your last few days alone before baby arrives?

tutusare4 · 01/07/2010 12:38

You have my sympathies, but, my cousin moved from London up to Yorkshire to be nearer to her family when she had her first.

She expected to suddenly see loads of them, and was completely disappointed, as their lives carried on pretty much the same as they had done before she moved up - they still had their work/friends/family/everday life to deal with, being with my cousin wasn't their first priority, as she'd thought it would be.

Original poster
bigbadwritersblock · 01/07/2010 12:41

I have moved back to where I used to live so nearer to friends and both sides of family and I'm lucky that a lot of them don't work so have filled my time, I have been to NCT and meet the girls from there once twice a week as well... I'm still working from home for a few hours a day so I'm honestly busy enough, although I can't remember not being pregnant at this stage and its soooo bizarre to think the baby will be here soon. I just thought my mum and sister would be more hands on and in touch - and I don't really know why they haven't.

I'm avoiding facebook to be honest.... I can see myself becomming obsessed and posting far too much info on there.

You're right I'm sure her days are busy with school gym school etc and so routine based but surely phoning to see how I am would be easy.

OP posts:
Plumm · 01/07/2010 12:56

But would she normally call you? I love my sister but am not a phone person at all and would rather save the chat for a special time when we can get together.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/07/2010 13:04

Maybe they will be more hands on and in touch when the baby arrives? In the meantime, we are here for you.

Original poster
bigbadwritersblock · 01/07/2010 13:35

Thanks girls - I can see how it looks but I really wasn't expecting to be first priority (although I know my sister was when she was expecting her children - but I didn;t have my own) Her kids are at school and I just thought at least on my due date a text or a call would be nice. I don't think this is being unreasonable, but people don't really change we've always made such an effort and spent half our weekends travelling to see them - I imagine if I want to see them I'll still have to go to them the journey will just be easier. I need to just be a bit tougher and not care so much about it.

sweep tomrw so fingers crossed something will happen then, I;ll have my hands to full to worry about why my sister doesn't give a wotsit!
X

OP posts:
RodentOfUnusualSize · 01/07/2010 13:40

BBWB, I can totally sympathise.

My family live on the other side of the world so visits are not possible, but my mum and sis probably phoned twice during my whole pg. DD is now 6 months and sis has phoned once . No emails either.

I'm not really sure what to advise as I haven't found a solution either. If you are like me you continue to hope that things will change, but they never do and you get let down... again and again. It was worse during pg, as with hormones raging I was constantly in tears over this!

I send fortnightly emails with photos of DD and rarely get a response. It makes me so sad. My head says to give up on them to stop getting hurt, but I can't seem to do so!

Dropdeadfred · 01/07/2010 13:44

Rodent - that's sad
I hink if I were you I would have to ask your moher is she is interested or not..what was she like as a mother?

RodentOfUnusualSize · 01/07/2010 14:06

Hi fred,
Not sure if your question is directed at me or OP but I will answer!
I actually did just as you said when I was pg - phoned (shaking, in tears), and asked mum whether she was interested at all and wanted to be a part of DD's life. She said that she wanted to be a part of our lives, she was so sorry, said that she "kept meaning to call"... But actions speak louder than words, don't they?

My mum was kind of hands off during our childhood. We did have a family tragedy when I was 8 and I have often wondered if this is the reason that she is so distant.

Dropdeadfred · 01/07/2010 14:11

Hi Rodent - the question was for you actualy

I think you were brave to confront your mum, and you seem very understanding of her. I hope she will grow to take an interest as your child grows and changes, but if she doesn't you can at least know in yourself tha YOU tried your best to keep her informed and involved.

RodentOfUnusualSize · 01/07/2010 14:15

Thanks for your kind words fred, you've made me a bit teary!

Dropdeadfred · 01/07/2010 14:23

Oh Rodent - sorry!! Don' be teary, it's too sunny!!!

Latootle · 30/05/2011 17:07

perhaps have a chat with sis and mum about lack of contact How often did you speak when apart??? habits are hard to break in that respect. maybe ask them round for lunch one day and sort it out. good luck

diddl · 30/05/2011 17:12

As others have said though-their lives are just carrying on as before.

You have moved to be near them-shouldn´t you be doing the visiting?

(Although I realise that that isn´t all that easy atm)

CheshireDing · 30/05/2011 17:13

AIBU to ask how come this thread has surfaced again after nearly a year?

diddl · 30/05/2011 17:33

Oh bugger-got sucked in by not checking the date!Blush

Missbakewell · 30/05/2011 18:38

To be honest If anyone I knew was overdue I would just leave them in peace too.
My Mum and I made the mistake by phoning my sister every few days when she was overdue and every time we did she would shout at us down the phone and say "No its bloody not here yet!".... then when we stopped calling in the second week she called us and accused us of not giving a sh*t!... We just put it down to her being a tiny bit emotional! :)

LineRunner · 30/05/2011 18:42

Latootle Why did you respond to a thread that dates from July 2010?

BeerTricksPotter · 30/05/2011 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 30/05/2011 18:55

BeerTricks When Latootle bumps a post she comments using a short, inane and bland post - a kind of agony aunt minus braincells . But on the council tenancies one she played the 'pregnant girl gets three-beroomed house' card.

The only thing that's code for is being in need of psychotropic drugs.

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