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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not have bought my hubby a tag watch when I got my engagement ring?

32 replies

whoodoo · 01/07/2010 11:13

Been married 5 years but this bone of contention has raised it's head a couple of times - most recently after a friend's wedding last weekend where my hubby found out his new wife had, as a gift to him, put down a downpayment on a really expensive watch.

Hubby has 'joked' a couple of times that he should have been given a TAG watch at point of engagement as a trade off for my engagement ring (and more recently my eternity ring. Now my engagement ring & eternity weren't expensive (we're not megabucks) and I'd never heard of this tradition but he seems to think he's missed out.

Personally I think he's being a bit silly as to me it's not a standard thing is it? Anyway with me being on mat. leave and a mortgage to pay and three little mouhts to feed I hardly think we have the money for a TAG watch (and he already has, in my opinion, a perfectly good - and rather expensive watch on his wrist anyway).

AIBU??

PS incidentally I did buy him a wedding present (I think) but don't think it was of much monetary value.

OP posts:
ginnybag · 01/07/2010 15:57

Lol at the watch... seems it's in place of your dowry!

Engagement presents, later rings were a way of a man showing to your family that he was financially worthy (and capable, by familiarity) of dealing with any assets they might be pasisng to him.

It was always reasonably expensive an item because it would have been dwarfed by the amount of money he would have seen in return in relation to your dowry.

The 'wedding' ring was plain because it was, originally, only a 'keeper' ring for the engagement ring meant to keep that from being lost.

This was back when the engagement was the important, legally binding celebrated in church bit and the wedding less important.

The 'eternity' ring was a manisfestation of the 'x amount of money to be given back to the wife on her production of the heir' clause in a lot of upper class marriage contracts. It was present from husband to wife for completing her role in his affairs to satisfaction, a show of wealth and a sign
that the marriage would be permanent and that the wife wouldn't be 'put away' for not providing as once was something of a tradition.

They've all three morphed into something else entirely now (as has the whole last name change thing....) but, intrinsically, if it was okay for your husband to spend ££ on your ring, why shouldn't he receive something of equal value in return. The modern, equal woman should have no issue with that, surely?

As it happens, I bought my DH an engagement ring, too, and it was more expensive, as, usually, his wedding ring will be, being bigger and wider.

Chil1234 · 01/07/2010 17:37

The gift he received in return for the engagement ring was you agreeing to marry him..... priceless.

alexisfaith · 01/07/2010 18:07

We swapped presents - I was given a Tiffany ring, he was given a Cartier watch. It wasn't meant to be a symbol of equality or a great big 'look at us and our expensive playthings'. It was very much engagement excitement fever: it was 'shall we get married?' and then weeks later, separately, 'Alexis would love that ring', 'DH [then fiance] would love that watch'. Definitely not important - it was frivolous and felt a bit naughty. We have no DC, so it was a fun moment in our romance. I don't think engagement rings are necessary, so by the same rule 'reciprocal' gifts are unnecessary. DH and I both look at the ring and watch and laugh at a fond, fun memory. Don't worry.

YADNBU!

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/07/2010 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FanjolinaJolie · 01/07/2010 18:18

I bought my DH an engagement watch, not a mega expensive one but it was very nice and I think at the time (11 years ago) cost about £400-ish. DH spent £1400 on my engagement ring (receipt was filed with insurance stuff) Now the watch lasted about 5 years and then broke and was too costly to repair if I recall.

DH did about at the same time receive a big promotion at work and treated himself to a Tag watch which is beautiful but was also v expensive, more than my engagement ring for sure.

I got eternity ring this year.

I'd say we're even now!

whoodoo · 01/07/2010 19:48

I just thought that with the engagement ring he got me and surely that should be enough?? I think it's a good deal as:

  • I earn as much as him
  • I have produced 3 gorgeous sons (to the detriment of my figure, fanjo and career - but I wouldn't change any of that for the world)
  • I do all the washing
  • I do most of the cooking
  • I do all the housework inc washing up
  • I do all the finance and admin stuff for us
  • I let him go to football matches, the pub, fishing, stag dos and this weekend Lords for some bloody cricket game
  • He always gets to watch some sort of football on the TV

and he takes the bins out.....surely I deserve a tag watch more??

OP posts:
mistletoekisses · 01/07/2010 19:53

DH got a tag watch from me...I wanted to get him something he would love...and am glad to say that he does.

I hadnt heard about this, but when I asked a good friend (male) for his advice on what to get my hubby to be as my 'gift'...he unequivocally pointed me in the direction of watches.

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