...to dislike the term 'Daddy's Girl'?

[cherryteat]

This is the first time I've been driven to start a thread on here.
I am the proud Mum of a gorgeous four month old baby girl. I am still quite disabled by a long and severe bout of SPD/PGP.
My DP has been amazingly supportive of me and is a wonderful Daddy too. I am so proud of our little family but feel so redundant and dependent due to my hideous condition. Everywhere we go people comment on how DD is or will be 'a real Daddy's Girl'.
AIBU to feel a bit miffed? If we had a boy would people say the same thing? Daddy's Boy doesn't have the same ring, and Mummy's Boy has some negative connotations.
I do what I can to the best of my abilities, I adore our girl and hope that I will be more to her than just a pair of boobs!

I have no idea why people say that, now that I think about it. Maybe it is to try and foster a good father-daughter relationship in case the father is secretly disappointed he didn't have a son?

Daddy's Girl is a lovely sentiment between dad and daughter. I understand how you feel though but I would suspect that most of it comes from feeling redundant and dependent. I don't think yabu but let it go. People don't mean it like you are receiving it. You are not redundant, just fixing other things so you can be everything your family needs. You are blessed to have a fab and supportive DP and dad to your DD and that they have a lovely relationship.

I can see your point about it being annoying- my DD is very close to her daddy and his mother often comments she is a daddy's girl just like his sister is/was(everything DD does is exactly like her aunt as a small child though). I dont think she is personally as she and I are equally close.

Guess I get wound up by it because due to bad PND for first year I used to worry we'd never have a bond at all wheras now we do. Maybe its an awful thing to say but when DD is sad or has hurt herself the only cuddles that make it all better are mummy's cuddles. Mind you if she wants to be really silly and make a big mess and get away with it daddy is the one for the job

Oh I think it's horrendous. It's as if the child has to belong to one parent or another, and it makes them sound like property, or an accessory.

My daughter has a pair of PJs that say "Daddy's Little Princess" and I grr every time I put them on her.

Quite apart from the connotation, the idea that because your partner is supportive and hands-on means that your daughter will love him best is pretty appalling. I bet you're doing wonderfully. And FWIW, my husband is the main carer for our toddler daughter and is fantastic at it, and yet she's always had a mummy preference, so it's not at all about how much time, etc., you put in at this age.

Don't worry about how good a job you're doing or about being supplanted. One day we'll get to a place where a father caring for his daughter is no more worthy of comment than a mother. One day.

In reality, there's not a lot of stimulating conversation to be had about babies. So people fall back on standard banalities in an effort to sound interested... 'how are they sleeping?'... 'how much does he/she weigh?'... 'doesn't he/she have your eyes'.... The 'Daddy's girl' thing is just another banality.

Wouldn't let it get to you.

You are massively overthinking it. I've heard all four variations, it means nothing. Children are fickle and tomorrow she will be a mummy's girl.

Agree with Chill, it is one of the inane things we all say when trying to think of something to say about someone else's baby.
ANd if you had a boy, yes they would say ' Oh I bet he's a Mummys boy' they did to me all the time.

I always think (in my typically non-judgmental way ):

Daddy's girl = spoiled brat (I BAN the phrase in our house)

Mummy's boy = pampered wimp

Neither are great connotations.

I agree with everything tortoise said - it is ridiculous that in this day and age, a man caring for his child is seen as something so amazing it needs a special title all of its own.

I hope you start to feel better physically soon and are able to do the things you want. From what you say about boobs it sounds as though you are breastfeeding - it's true in the early days we do feel like some sort of gigantic dummy/comforter/food source all the time. Doesn't last though - make the most of it, it is a very special thing that only you can do.

Well, my husband looks after my daughter three days a week and she is extremely close to him. Life's one long zoo/science museum/safari park/reading experience. With ice creams on top. I am currently trying to night wean her (she's 20 months) and when I walk in the door from work and deal with a tantrum because I won't breastfeed her straight away it can feel like she's a daddy's girl. But I don't think I've used the phrase.

I got told by my mum that dd was bound to be a daddy's girl as all little girls are and I always was.

As it has turned out, although dh is a fab dad and dd obviously adores him and loves being with him, she will instinctively turn to me for everything. And he works from home unlike me.

So I wouldn't worry about it. People will say what they like. Just carry on with how you want to bring her up and you will be fine.

YABU OP. You are over-reacting, unfortunatley becasue of the medical condition you have had to endure. It is you, who worries thta you are only a pair a boobs. when infact , i am sure you are so brilliant, so much more. and it is becasue of these worries that you have over-reacted to a particular word.
I was a daddy's girl. I really like the term.
My boys adore me. And adore their dad too. Probably a bit more than they do me. But this REALLY is fine with me. I thus, even describe my boys as daddy's boys , to other people. Makes me feel all lovely and proud. nothing negative about it at all.
I hope you can take comfort in what a good mum you actually are.

Daddy's Girl

I recall the night that you came into this world.
I couldn't believe the doctor when he said: "It's a little girl."
I said: "Now Doc, you must be wrong. You see I want a boy."
Then he laid you in my arms and my heart sang with joy.

(Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl,
(I'm the centre of Daddy's world.
(I know I'm Daddy's number one,
(For he loves me like I was his son.
(Daddy's Girl.)

I recall the day I took you to a baseball game.
You brought along your baby doll and half its' baby things.
We sat there a-playin' house, while the Dodgers played the Braves.
And ev'ryone in the bleachers looked at us as if to say.

(Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl,
(I'm the centre of Daddy's world.
(I know I'm Daddy's number one,
(For he loves me like I was his son.
(Daddy's Girl.)

I recall the day I took you on a fishin' trip,
You said: "Daddy won't that hook hurt the fishes' lip?"
And you said if they don't get air, those things in the can will die.
So we turned the worms all loose and chased some butterflies.

(Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl,
(I'm the centre of Daddy's world.
(I know I'm Daddy's number one,
(For he loves me like I was his son. (Daddy's Girl.)

I recall the day that your young man come to call.
Seems like only yesterday, you swam and played football.
But I know the time has come, that I must set you free.
But no matter where you are, you know what you are to me.

(Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl,
(I'm the centre of Daddy's world.
(I know I'm Daddy's number one,
(For he loves me like I was his son.
(Daddy's Girl.)

To fade.

(Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl,
(I'm the centre of Daddy's world.
(I know I'm Daddy's number one,
(For he loves me like I was his son.
(Daddy's Girl.)

Agree with Chil1234 - don't take it to heart at all. It's just another one of those inanane but vaguely irritating things that people say about babies. Likewise, everyone has a different comment on your bump in pg - it's big/small/all out front/all round - it's just something for people to say.

Hope you start to feel miles better soon - baby-time moves at a hundred times the speed of normal time. You'll soon be looking back on this and hardly be able to remember why you felt the way you did.

Ignore the negative connotations as best you can and subvert them, say things like yes she'll want to do 'x' (something stereotypically masculine) just like her dh does...
As another poster pointed out, when they get older it changes from day to day. We always laugh abt how some mornings our dd (15m) wakes up and it's all 'mamamama' and other days it's 'daddy daddy' we say she's either mama's girl or daddy's girl respectively and smile at each other giving the other a little wink.

It is also very true at the early stages we (women) feel little more than a vending machine of some sort. I remember feeling very much like dh was doing so much more of the work at this time of dd's life. I felt very incapable being sick and tired so often for various reasons. But that has changed as the year has moved on. Get yourself healthy and happy and you'll soon find that things have settled with your lo. Family may never stop saying that dd will be a daddy's girl...because as another posted said, some people can never think of anything original to say...but you'll feel secure in your very important role as mommy and special friend to your little girl. After all, I think mommies are little girls first 'bff.'

I love the idea that one day this will be a place where a father caring for his child is no more worthy of comment than a mother. I don't think it'll be soon though.
I am a great overthinker & at times give myself headaches and insomnia because of it.
I'm prone to depression too and am really trying to fight it off right now. I had/have an awful relationship with my own Mum who has regularly told me from a young age that we never bonded due to her PND & that it was hard to like me because I looked too much like my Dad!
I have never really built up my self esteem from there I guess & people tell me all the time how lucky I am to have DP and I know I am but subconsciously I doubt my worthiness (o woe is me!) DD looks nothing like me. And hearing all the time how she is 'Daddy's Girl' and looks exactly like him has a cumulative affect on my crappy self esteem I think.
I'm not a massive fan of gender stereotyping which also accounts for it rankling a little.
The banalities are funny though, we have started anticipating the Q's before they start and dare each other to say DD's name, 'she's four months, 6lb13b1/2, right through 'til 6 most nights, yes very good' to strangers as they bear down on her...

I was the biggest Daddy's Girl on earth and if my dad was still alive I still would be.

The song I linked to is the one he bought me a copy of the day I had DS1.....I still enjoy listening to it.

I was the biggest Daddy's Girl on earth and if my dad was still alive I still would be.

The song I linked to is the one he bought me a copy of the day I had DS1.....I still enjoy listening to it.

sorry don't know what happened there

Agree with second. i work p/t. but am home all day with ds2 2 days. thus i spend more time with ds's than dad. when dh walks throught he door at 5pm the kids scream with excitemnt. and ds1 and daddy ride to get the papers on a saturday morning ( wish we had a stinky cheese shop - I'd be there all the time).
All this is normal. Not sure it even qualifies as being daddy's anything. is is just normal, balanced and nice. probably doesn't even warrant a word.
Op's last post was quite sad reading. hope your self esteem starts to improve. maybe you need some help.

On an aside: Dh commented the other day on his forum one of the guys posted that he was quite upset because he was out grocery shopping and had his 6m baby in one arm and a load of shopping in the other and someone commented on what a great daddy he must be he said I've seen my wife standing with equal or more things and no one comments to her abt how great a mother ^she is... A lot of the men on his forum said yeah it is so unfair on the wives as most of the time they're the primary care-giving and yet in public they don't often get praised and yet they (the husbands) do something mundane in their wives lives and everyone ooohs and aaaahs.

What forum is your DH on bebemoo?

It has nothing to do with your SDP, people just say this. They don't actually think that your DP is caring more or better for your daughter, or that she loves him more. I have a daughter too, who is fairly clingy with me and sometimes doesn't like to go to her dad, but people still call her a daddy's girl. Just a banal comment, as someone said above. Don't let it stress you out.

Thankyou everybody for such lovely comments. Am feeling differently about it now. I think Parenthood can make people very intro/retrospective, especially if their own childhood was not rosy! My Mum plays a great role as the victim and I am very prone to it at times. I need a big kick to bring me back to reality. Sweet sentiment in the Daddy's Girl song.