to feel weird about this?

[Ladyanonymous]

What do separated families to at Christmas? (shudder - sorry).

My OH had planned to spend Xmas with me and possibly have one of his kids here(I know its long way off, but we have a v complicated situation which we need to plan).

When my parents asked me what I was doing I said I was staying at my home this year with OH (my dad won't spend xmas anywhere other than in his own home). They said thats fine and would I mind if they planned a Christmas there alone? I said no thats fine (my sister lives abroad and alternates between there, my M&Ds and BILs family), and I know they are both really looking foward to it after several years non stop of entertaining family.

Oh has just changed all his plans (partly due to work) and has told me he will be spending Xmas with his ex wife and their children (the day with them, the nights in a hotel as it is a long way away from me)before he goes away for most of the year.

Last year he did this (just before we got together) and they got rat arsed and he shagged her. I trust this isn't going to happen again - but I feel its stretching the trust somewhat.

Obviously the kids come first and them being with their dad is more importnant than how feel - but AIBU to feel a bit weird and a tiny bit upset about this esp now I have cut of the option of spending it with any of my family?

What do others do, and what do single mums (I have 3 DCs) do at xmas when they have no family/friends to spend it with to make it fun for the kids?

I spend christmas with ds, we do some baking on christmas eve morning, then we normally go to the theatre and see a pantomime or a play. We spend christmas day together, the grandparents and his father normally phone and my family come and see us on boxing day so they can eat my food then go home again

Why on earth are you with a man that's cheated on you?

He didn't cheat on me - it just before we met.

Panto or play is a really good idea

leaving the trust issue aside, surely your parents would still be happy to see you if thats what you want to do......and if not bdchocs day sounds pretty good to me.

but you need to have a think about the trust thing.

I don't know any separated families who spend Christmas all together as they did before the split. I used to spend mine with my mum and maternal grandparents, bc they cared the most about Xmas (I wasn't bothered)

I'm sure your parents would like to spend Xmas with you, even though you've already said you're spending it with OH. It's only June! Lots of time to change plans

Sorry.

We like the panto, there's a really good atmosphere on christmas eve. We didn't go last year, we thought we were having a friend over christmas so didn't book it, the twonk ended up driving 4 hours home so he could spend an hour there though We managed to get some super deals in M&S though so ds and I pigged out for a few days. My family couldn't come over this year.

Can you not go with your parents to see your sister?

I do trust him - but obviously I think any women would feel a bit about it.

I don't want to intrude on my parents IYSWIM, they are really looking forward to xmas on their own - my dad struggles a bit with children

I know its only June - I just kind of thought if thats what hes going to do I need to plan/book what I'm going to do so I know it my mind its going to be okay and I'm not going to end up trying not to cry in front on the kids xmas morning!! I have never spent it on my own before which maybe at my age is a bit sad.

I know 6 mnths doesn't sound very long but I kind of knew very quickly (the day after we met) I wanted to be with him for a long time - I know it sounds nuts but it does happen honest.

It's OK, you don't have to justify yourself

I know what you mean about christmas though, you won't have a spare minute until they go to bed, then you can come on here (like I do ). They will be too busy opening presents/playing and eating, you will be busy cleaning up after them and cooking. Christmas day itself is crap if I'm being honest. The temptation to go to Austria over christmas (providing I manage to stop spending and save!) is high.

I did have one year where we took in waifs and stray friends. Do you have someone who is also 'alone' for christmas?

Yes - I have had many years when I have done that with waifs and strays and they are usually the best.

Thanks for reminding me

There must be a better compromise than that. I know it's a juggle-fest, but isn't there some way your OH can spend part of Christmas with you- either Xmas Eve or Boxing Day?

Why not all go away and have him come 'home' to your hotel?

When younger, we always used to have an Orphans Christmas Eve party, which provided an excellent excuse for all our friends to leave their family gatherings early. It was the most fun party of the year, and very popular. We only stopped because we moved a lot further out of the city.

A waifs and strays party sounds excellent.

I had thought about a hotel but kind of figure that is totally unfair on my kids and will prob be an expense I won't be able to stretch to with Xmas too...may ask other single mum friends what they are doing....