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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have the green eyed monster

74 replies

Aeschylus · 30/06/2010 13:12

Ok. I feel a shit for feeling like this. Our friends who have 4 kids live a life of luxury on benefits have just moved into their new home which is a 4 bedroom old vicorage and absolutely stunning and all provided by the tax payer. And here we are with 1 dc in a 3 bed terrace with a sensible mortgage. not much money and certainly can not afford any more dc. Makes me wonder why we bother I know I am being pathetic but to top it all of they are having sky multi room installed in all 4 bedrooms and we are stuck with freeview. People claim we are a fair society and if we are then I would like to know how

OP posts:

EricNorthmansmistress · 30/06/2010 13:39

free nursery places are only for 3 and over. You're completely inaccurate OP. You're getting your knickers in a twist over circumstances you don't actually know about.

EricNorthmansmistress · 30/06/2010 13:41

you have 1dc in a 3 bed house that you own? Lovely. AIBU to be jealous of you? We have one dc in a 2 bed flat with no garden that we pay 1/3 of our income to rent and have just been served with notice on, meaning we have to find £500 in two months to cover the cost of moving house, again.

booyhoo · 30/06/2010 13:42

it doesn't ring true to me either. again another OP having a go at those on benefits without knowing all the facts. (and nor sahould you, it is their business, not yours)

BalloonSlayer · 30/06/2010 13:42

Where the hell do you live where you can rent a 4 bedroom stunning former vicarage for £1000 per month? The outer hebrides?

Wonderstuff · 30/06/2010 13:44

Bet they're in debt. Also you have to look long-term. On the face of it my db and his ex have more disposible income than myself and dh, she has a bigger house, they both run cars, go out drinking etc., whilst we are working really hard and only just scraping by each month shopping at Lidl, charity shop toys etc.

I was jealous BUT the reality is that dh and I are in a better position. Db is in debt, spending money out of sense of entitlement. We get much more say over our lives, childcare is really expensive, but when my children start state school - a jolly lovely village school because I get to pick where I live rather than rely on council housing - that will go down a lot, I'll go back to work ft, we'll finally be able to look at buying rather than renting, and will be in a better position. When our children leave home and we retire we will have a pension and fingers crossed no rent to pay. I am building a career, whilst db's ex hasn't worked for years and will eventually have to go get a job, her options will be very limited. Plus my children get to see mummy and daddy work to get things, which is a really valuble lesson.

Delayed gratification - it will all be worth it in the end.

virgomummy · 30/06/2010 13:45

It amazes me how people do this! I am single parent, get some housing benefit and tax credits but also work and I have just enough to live on. Treats are rare and I certainly can't afford constant luxuries. How do they do it??!!

Tryharder · 30/06/2010 13:50

If neither of them work, then they are "entitled" to claim benefits which if you add up all the freebies, prescriptions, school dinners and other bits and bobs, adds up to a fair old whack.

If someone has genuinely lost their job and desperately looking for alternative work, they should not be begrudged or denied benefits until they find employment. What gets on people's tits are people who are quite capable of working but refuse to do so because they are better off on benefits or refuse to do jobs that are "beneath" them.

It is particularly galling if you are doing a crappy job you hate, don't see your children as much as you like and then to add insult to injury, you end up worse off financially than people who spend their days watching their wide screen TVs with their feet up.

I work FT (although don't mind my job, luckily) and have a strong work ethic and want my kids to share my values in life. I know someone who kicked her husband out when he lost his job so she could claim benefits as a single parent; she works cash in hand and openly boasts about the easy ride she is getting and how much she is claiming. I cut off the friendship with her because I didn't see that we had anything in common anymore.

booyhoo · 30/06/2010 13:52

TH i agree with all you said.

AndreaisSlowlyLosingIt · 30/06/2010 13:55

Tryharder I agree but not everyone on benefits is like that. We're both desperatly searching for work but have even been told by the Job Centre that theres little point as our area is so run down. We were even told to wait til the new Tesco in the town opens and then apply there.

Bashing on everyone on benefits just makes people feel even scummier than they alreay do.

Mingg · 30/06/2010 13:55

Me too TH

Original poster

Aeschylus · 30/06/2010 13:57

@ EricNorthmansmistress you are wrong if you look there is a goverment pilot scheme that nurseries can join that offer the free places to 2 year olds, for those on low income

www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/sep/21/children.childcare

that should clear it up for you, as I said we did not qaulify

OP posts:

EricNorthmansmistress · 30/06/2010 14:11

so you are not on a low income and they are. Why are you jealous?

Feelingsensitive · 30/06/2010 14:12

Why does someone who is not working need free childcare for a 2 year old? Madness.

YANBU. I second what TH says. There are many people claiming benefits at a time of need with no intention of staying on them long term. There are also plenty of people for whom it is a lifestyle choice. I know because someone in my family has chosen this. Aged 26 and never done a days work in her life. Nothing wrong other than pure laziness.

cornflowers · 30/06/2010 14:12

OP, why do you say you "can't afford" another dc? With 3 bedrooms you have enough room, and even on a low-ish a second dc doesn't cost that much more than one. Just curious.

Monty100 · 30/06/2010 14:21

So, they 'earn' 25k on benefits?

I have two dc's, earn more than that, and I can't have the luxuries you say your friends have. Surely they must be running up debts.

I simply will not believe that benefits can pay for that lifestyle.

Also, I think YABU, you have a nice house and your family, and you and dw pay for it. That's something to be proud of isn't it?

Original poster

Aeschylus · 30/06/2010 14:26

because after everything has gone out bills wise we dont have a lot left, and DW works at a FE College and despite what D.Cameroon said at PMQ's today about there not being any cuts in FE Colleges, well it is a total lie.

The cuts are eye watering, so far a salary cut of £2000 a year has been implemented and jobs are going at a alarming rate.

I fear for the generation of teenagers who think the courses are going to be there for them

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 30/06/2010 14:27

Erm may I just that is rubbish unlikely.

Original poster

Aeschylus · 30/06/2010 14:32

Monty, that 25k is everthing from no council tax to no rent etc, it is not 25k in their hand...

Honestly it is laughable, I remember them getting £500 when she got pregnant with her 4th kid, I also remember them saying they qalified for a £700 voucher for a computer for their kids (I dont know if they got it)

it is not hard to hit serious numbers, with housing benefit and COucil tax that is 13.5k allready

OP posts:

Original poster

Aeschylus · 30/06/2010 14:36

I appreciate when you look at it one thinks "no way" but honestly unless they hide things (which is possible) then this is their lifestyle.

I have read enough stories in the paper to see they are not alone in milking the system to with in a inch of it's life.

OP posts:

booyhoo · 30/06/2010 14:42

but aeschylus, if tehy are 'milking the system' then why would you be jealous? is that something you aspire to? are you jealous that you are unable to get all the benefits taht they get? surely it is far better to be able to earn your own money? and i ask again, why do they not work? are they on JSA are they carers for a disabled child? what are their reasons for not being able to work? you havent answered that. i also think they must be up to their eyeballs in debt, again not something i would be jealous off.

Original poster

Aeschylus · 30/06/2010 14:51

sorry booyhoo, must of missed it.

Jealous is perhaps the wrong word, Jealous of their house then yes, as it was stunning, sort of house you fream of owning but in reality never will.

Not jealous of their Lifestlye, fed up that we keep people in these lifestlyles.

anyway, neither work, all kids are fine, the mum is on Social, and dad on JSA (as far as I can tell)

we have a high polish, eastern european population where we are so most jobs are taking by them as it is min wage, they have no skills. he also dresses in a way that you would not hire him, I try to be open minded but seriously if first impressions are important then he would of lost job before he got in the room.

OP posts:

thatsnotmymonkey · 30/06/2010 14:59

They must be in debt. Or have other family topping things up. I know a family of 7, and PILs give them around £300 pcm for this and that.

Also, £25k is not alot of money for a family of 6, their food bill alone must be out of this world.

Do they take holidays? Do they go on day trips? Can one of them pop in to a shop of their choice and spend £50 on something nice to wear at the weekend without too much thought? Do they have hobbies, like yoga or archery? Do they run a car or two? Do they drink? Go to the theater, cinema?

My DH and I have a combined semi-comfortable income, which by no means is enough, but we get to do all of the above, and we are on our way to paying off our house and are contributing into pensions. So yeah maybe these people you know look like they are on to a good thing, buty big picture- not really.

porcamiseria · 30/06/2010 15:04

how can they have a life of luxury, they dont get that much surely!!!! annoying tho

booyhoo · 30/06/2010 15:05

what does on social mean? i am not familiar with that? (is that a dumb question?)

thatsnotmymonkey · 30/06/2010 15:07

on socail mean on benefits booyhoo, if that even is your real name

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