to expect DH to take 2 consecutive weeks paternity leave following c-sect birth of 2nd baby?

[driedapricots]

Sorry, long post

I am due to have c-sect on 2nd aug and so DH is going to take that week off. His mum will come down too to stay on 1st Aug to help him out with DD1 whilst I am in hosp for a couple of nights. Then she'll go back once I come out. When I had DD1 by EMCS DH took 1 week off then his mum came down and he went back to work for a week then he took another week off - which worked out fine...then. He is being completely stubborn and saying this is what he will do again this time and his mum will be happy to come back down to stay with us for week 2 after baby comes so he can go back to work and then take week 3 off. However this time it's different. My point is that 1) i think it's unreasonable for her to travel back and forwards/sleep on our sofa in such a short space of time and 2) without sounding ungrateful, she is lovely but DOES NOT STOP TALKING and will do my head in if I have to spend so much time with her whilst laid up with a new baby!!! I just want a chilled time at home with my new family. In week 2 I will still be pretty sore and need a lot of help. DH says he can't take 2 weeks off together, which is rubbish. I understand he's nervous as he was made redundant a year ago and this is a relatively new job but i can't help but feel he should do what i want him to do here, especially as I am pretty sure his company really wont object to him taking 2 consecutive weeks for the birth of his child??!! His mum can then come back in week 3 if she wants. (My mum can't help to the extent I need her in week 2 as she works and can't take holiday that week) I have spent the last year supporting DH through the redundancy and an ensuing drink problem and can't help but feel resentful that he's not giving me any support back now. I am obviously hormonal too which doesn't help the 'negotiations'!! But it's not me being unreasonable is it??

Lucky you - I'm Still waiting for DH to take his paternity leave after my last CS and DD is now 12 weeks old!

I think it's lovely you've got lots of help

YABU.

You've getting plenty of 'support' and tbh, if I were chief breadwinner and had just been made redundant a year before I'd still be bricking it.

I can't really say whether YANBU or not because I don't know how secure your DH's job is or how they would react to him having 2 consecutive weeks versus 2 split weeks. Nor do you really. I can see why he is nervous though given he lost his previous job recently.

On balance I think YAB a bit U. I can understand you wanting him home but overall it's not worth the risk of your DH annoying his new employer, given that you have other help available.

One thing though - he should check he is ABLE to split the weeks in that way. At my workplace they don't allow that - either you take the two weeks together or not at all.

I think its sad that despite their being a law in place, he still feels he "cant" take his leave. I think you shioul;d respect his wishes here though, Id guess if he does not feel like he can take it, he will just get stressed if you push for it? in these uncertain timees we need to hold onto jobs

you WILL get help from MIL but dont force him to take leave if he is that worried about it..some companies are not daddy friendly....

good luck!

i think you have lots of help and IME a planned c.s usually means quikcer recovery

you talk about being laid up.. you will be able to get out of bed and definitely should not be immobile for long periods due to DVT risk post surgery..

if he has a new job, he needs to ensure his position is secure and work round his employers too

your MIL is coming back to for week 3 and your mum is there week 2, so why do you need DH too? surely splitting it if he can is better? spread the help out

you are not going to be helpless and immobile for 3 weeks!
it really sounds like you are wanting payback for what you have been through the past year

Sorry, but YABU.

For my first baby, DH took no time off and with DD, he took a couple of days - maybe 3 - before he went back to work.

With DS, he was working in Russia and with DD he was working in Germany, so not about at all.

Just got to get on with it.

well it appears i ABU then! it's good to get some perspective - as I say I'm a bit hormonal. For the record, I haven't got my mum helping in week 2 - it's MIL or no one.. but then again I'm basing it on my experience after first EMCS which was a pretty slow recovery - I guess I'm just worried about how I am going to cope with a particularly trying 2.7 yr old, not the new baby. But like you all say, you get through it! thanks ladies

I thought it had to be taken together.....

I disagree with the posters who seem to be saying "well, you've got more help than I got, so just get on with it" or words to that effect. Ask your husband if he has a strong reason to think that taking 2 weeks might be viewed negatively at his work. If he doesn't have one, then I think he should take the 2 weeks. I mean, would he also not take 2 consecutive weeks holiday? Will the place fall apart without him for 2 weeks? At least with the planned section, he can give his employers plenty of notice. And, as mentioned, he might not even be allowed to split is.

the plan was he take 1 week paternity, the second would be holiday.

I'd love to use the TV - unfortunately my DD is one of those wierd children who is not remotely interested in TV - and I am not even thinking about the housework!!!!

it's the fact that MIL will have to stay with us all week if she did come for that 2nd week ..you'd understand if you knew her. Absolutely lovely lady, but exhausting in her own way because she talks incessantly and we only have tiny 2 bed flat. it makes me feel claustrophobic just thinbking about it

However on balance, I don't want to stress DH out anymore and it's much more important he keeps his job

minipie - i think you're right, I have got a bit of resentment going on, it's also i'm upset as he's such a good hubby/father that he doesn't want to spend this special time with us.

My dh took the week after my 2nd section. We coped fine with no other help yabu.

DH had a week off with DD1, 3 weeks with DTs (very traumatic birth) and 3 weeks with DS3. All sections. YANBU. I couldn't have managed without help the first 2 weeks. He had a week or two (not sure) paid and the rest holiday.

I dont think YABU apart from not considering how nervous he is about redundancy and what the real risks are of that.

Fwiw I had 27 children and a section and no help, ever, ever, ever and I coped ;)

As a compromise can MIL stay in a B&B nearby, and then be with you in the day, and DH will be with you in the night? That way MIL doesn't end up sleeping on the sofa either, more comfortable for her to be in a proper bed and get a good night's sleep!

Why is DH taking 1 week PL and 1 week holiday when he's entitled to 2 weeks PL?

Flisspaps probably because, like my dh, he only gets £100 or something for the 2nd week. We cannot afford for dh to take 2 weeks pat. leave.