to think school should not have handed ds3 over to ds1 after he was sent home with a bumped head!

[chipmonkey]

Went to pick up ds3 and ds4 from nursery today. Nursery do after-school care and drop and collect ds3 from school. So ds4 is there waiting for me, I chat to the girls for a minute, then ask "Where's ds3?" Nursery girls look puzzled and say "Oh, we thought you knew, ds3 was sent home from school as he bumped his head. Ds1 collected him" I am as I knew nothing about this.

Ds1 is in secondary school so is off for the summer. The school called my mobile, left a message (which I didn't get as I can't have my mobile on in work and school and nursery have been advised to ring my work landline number and receptionists will take a message or call me out of a consultation if urgent.) School then called my home number, ds1 answered and they asked if ds3 could be collected as he had bumped his head. So ds1 went up and collected him! No-one had checked with me if this was OK.

I would not normally let ds1 look after ds3. Ds1 is 13 but has ADD and is very scatty! I especially wouldn't let him look after ds3 who could potentially have been concussed and I'm pretty sure if ds3 had felt strange or vomited, ds1 would not have known what to do. Ds1 also used to go to that school and would have been known for being disorganised and not terribly reliable, the dx of ADD was made while he attended there.

I do usually phone and check on ds1 himself but he had left the phone off the hook and I couldn't get through. Leaving the phone off the hook is fairly typical of ds1 and he doesn't have a mobile as he keeps losing them.

I am just fuming! Thankfully ds3 seems fine now but what if he hadn't been?

that is dreadful, no primary child should be handed into the care of a minor without the parents consent (eg for some, big brother regularly picks them up from school etc)

let alone a child with such a bad bump to the head they are being sent home!

I dont know why you are upset, the school rang the first contact number on their list and left a message, then they phoned the next one which was home, you obviously feel that your eldest is capable of being at home without an adult, so he is capable of looking after a younger sibling.

I dont know what else you expect them to do!

but maddy - the school acts in loco parentis - THEY, not the brother , have a duty of care for that injured child until a PARENT can be contacted (or other nominated emergency contact eg aunt, gran)

very wrong to hand over an injured child to a minor - especially one whose history is known and probably could not cope with a deterioration in his brothers condition.

and the OP had advised the school its best to contact her on her work landline,which they did not do.

The school shouldn't have handed him over but why was your ds1 home alone if he either didn't know he should or didn't know how to contact you in such a situation?

Ds1 is fine to look after himself, he can make himself a sandwich etc and wouldn't be cooking or using dangerous appliances. He is expected to study and tidy up etc. But just because he is OK to be home alone doesn't mean I am happy for ds3 to be home alone with him, maybe at a push for half an hour but not for the whole afternoon and not when ds3 has been injured!

maddy, the second number is home but surely they should speak to an adult in charge, not assume it's OK for the 13 year old to collect him. Secretary also said in her message that she "knew I would be there in half an hour" to collect him anyway but IMO this was a big assumption given that I work most days and nursery always collect ds3 on those days.

I think that maybe your DS3's school may have thought your DS1 was older, as most 13yo are in school until near enough the end of July! Is he in a private school?

TBH I think you should make sure your DS3's school have the right emergency contact numbers for you. I work in a school and we store various contact nos on the SIMS database but there is always an emergency one - the one to call if a child has an accident.

I think it is worth speaking to the school about this just to ensure it doesn't happen again, but don't "have a go" at them. They contacted the numbers in order, on their list and got someone willing to come and deal with your DS3. Just let them know that DS1 isn't old enough to be responsible for DS3 and make sure you leave them reliable contact numbers for you. I'm a teacher and the amount of times I ring parents on their emergency number and get told it no longer exists or they no longer work there is unbelieveable!

ds1 knows how to contact me but chose not to! I should say he is not a total numpty, he is absent minded but reasonably intelligent! But to me, a 13 year old is a 13 year old. I wouldn't have any 13 year old in charge of younger children tbh. I did babysit myself at 13 but when I look back now, I think it really was very young.

And did I mention school have been told before to use my work landline in preference to my mobile, not to mention, no attempt was made to contact dh, who is also their parent and is always at his desk with a phone.

thats even worse chipmonkey, i had tactfully avoided asking whether there was another parent they could have contacted. as there was, and they did not even try, they have NO excuse for sending DS home with a 13 yo - its not as if it was their last resort having tried all numbers to no avail. and as it was not long till hometime they could have in any case kept him safely there till you came! Totally out of order.

I think the head would like to know as it was probably not their decision and someone needs reminding that sort of thing is not on.

I would write a letter to the school and state your concerns. YANBU that you expect the school to hand your child over to an adult.

I hope you praised your DS 1 though for actually being responsible and acted so

lark, school terms are getting more and more different across the Uk though. I am not at all surprised some are already off!

chipmonkey - speak to school and make sure they change the priority of the contact numbers they have for you. Don't give them too many numbers just ensure that your work number is 1st, your DH's second and home number 3rd. It sounds to me like they've just added extra numbers at the bottom of the list they already have. I have to admit that I don't think my school (secondary) would send a child who had sustained a head injury home with a 13 year old sibling. Far better to keep them at school in the medical room with 1st aid trained adults to keep an eye on them.

Bloody hell! I would be furious! < that's how I would look.

I'm in Ireland and most 13 yr olds are off from the start of June here.

I have given them all the right numbers and have previously asked them to please, please please put it in BIG writing on ds3's file that the work no is the important one.

tbh, the school secretary does seem to regularly forget that some of us work. Other WOHMs have said the same thing, that she assumes you are a SAHM however many times you tell her you are a WOHM.

And tbh, if it was that I was running late etc, I wouldn't have minded so much but I feel that if he was being sent home after bumping his head that they should have made sure a responsible adult was there to look after him. I was just freaked out at the thought that he could have passed out at home or had a concussion. I really would have preferred that they let tne nursery pick him up. I know that if this had happened in nursery, that they would have tried all available numbers.

Oh yes, and they do have SILs number as an emergency contact number, she is a SAHM, lives around the corner and is a qualified nurse so would have been much more suitable.

Peed, believe me no state secondary is on summer hols at the mo'. Mind you, maybe OP isn't in the UK.

I did praise ds1, especially for having to put up with ds3 demanding an ice-cream all the way home, when ds1 had no money for ice-cream!
Very difficult as we are trying to gradually give ds1 more responsibility and he does try very hard but can't help forgetting things and losing things.
I will speak to principal tomorrow, she used to be a neighbour ( aaaah village life!) It is the last day of school so don't want to go in all guns blazing and be a total killjoy but is is frustrating when you say things over and over and they don't seem to get written down in the relevant files!

YANBU
DS'1 school will not let anyone under 16 collect a child unless there is prior written permission in the child's file from the parent.