To not want to meet my mothers boyfriend?

[Rossco]

I'll do my best to explain so I don't unintentionally have a stealth like AIBU.

My Mum is 57 and is seeing a man of around the same age. They have a previous history having been together between Mum divorcing my Dad and marrying my Step-father.

When they were together he had what I guess you could call an obsession about Mum. He was controlling and hated her to be away from him. Things reached a head one night when he threw a brick threw her bedroom window and then tried to climb in. I remember her hiding me behind her back in the kitchen while she held a knife in case he got in. The police came and took him away and Mum got an injunction against him.

My aunt, our neighbour (who is like a gran to me)and my Gran all knew what had happened. His sister is also a friend of Mum and was disgusted at his behaviour.

Roll forward to about a 18 months ago when she 'just happened to bump into him'. Funny that he reappears when she is divorcing my step-father when they hadn't seen each other for YEARS.

Anyhoo they are together and she is happy. She is big and brave enough to make her own decisions about who she sees and I appreciate that. But it took her 6 months to tell my brother and I who she is seeing.

Now she wants to bring him to town where I live for a holiday. Again I can't stop them going on holiday (not that I would) but I really don't want to see him. I asked her today why she is forcing the issue with me, and only me. She said she knew I'd do it 'for her'. I told her I couldn't and that while they are free to do what they like they can't force me into a situation I am uncomfortable with.

AIBU?

No, YANBU in the slightest. I suppose it's possible for a leopard to change it's spots blah blah, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere near this man and would be very concerned for my mum's safety, both physically and emotionally. It sounds as if you've dealt with it very calmly and rationally - well done you. A very sad situation for all of you, however.

YANBU at all.

She's seeing him, not you. Don't let her emotionally blackmail you into this mess.

I've spoken to my aunt who says he may be treating mum like royalty for now but if she ever decided she wants out of the relationship he will show his true colours again.

Honestly I feel horrified at the thought of seeing him again and do not want him near my DS's.

All we can do is nothing. It's her life and her choice, I just hope I and the rest of the family don't have to pick up the pieces at a later date.

YANBU - I would say totally trust your instincts here and refuse to see him. Let your mum know that you are there for her if she needs you, but that you will not have any contact with boyfriend at all. If your mum was scared enough to have a knife in her hand to protect herself, then he is not someone you want round your kids.