To not want people to judge by my DC's height?

[OTTMummA]

My DS is now on the 99th percentile for height, and 80th for weight, he is not fat, or even chubby, but he looks very much older than 2.4 yrs old.
Infact when we were looking at Nurserys we were often take to the 4 yr old room by mistake.
but recently there have been a few new staff at his nursery and they have been asking me about his development etc any worries we have etc.
I was slightly about having to fill out a sheet telling them what i expect him to be doing at certain stages etc a few days ago.

There have been other instances of people expecting too much from him etc.
He is, i am assured by his consultant and family doctor progressing perfectly on track and there is nothing to worry about.

I am actually very worried about this as when i was small i was always very much taller than my peers and was expected to do far more than what i could dispite me being actually quite a bright child, this has since created some self esteem issues, and i abandoned formal education before i would of if i had been left to it.

I still feel now like a bumbling giant who can't do anything right, this stops me from doing things i would really love to do.

I do not want my DS to grow up feeling like this

I am aware of his limits and what he is capable of, and just try to enjoy him and make sure i show him lots and read to him etc.

but i have noticed family members starting to react differently to, A. his behaviour, & B. what he can and can't do yet etc.

Im finding it really hard to deal unemotionally with them as im taking it personally.

does anyone else have problems like this, if so how do you deal with it effectively?

It is the same at the other end of the scale though.

DS2 is very small for his age, he is 6 but the same size as an average 4yr old. DD is the same, she is 4 but in age 18-24 month clothes.

Everyone assumes that:

• there is something wrong with them (there isn't)
• they don't eat well (they both eat like horses)
• because they are small in size they are not as mature or clever as the others (they are).

It is a nightmare with sports, DS2 desperately wants to play football like DS1 but is just floored by bigger children. When they have sports day neither of them can run as fast as children who are 10-15cm taller than them, so they always come last. DS2 doesn't seem bothered by coming last, but it upsets DD.

DD had terrible trouble in nursery school with other girls who were actually younger than her saying that she was lying about turning 4 as she couldn't be that old as she was so small!

So it is no better being small

I've had that problem with all 3 DS's, but particularly so with DS3. He' just turned 3, wearing 4-5 tops, and 3-4 trousers (although the latter are nearly too short for him now), and I have the added proble that his speech and his understanding/conversation is particularly clear and good (nothing to do with me I hasten to add - I practice benign neglect with my kids ).

Because of his heigh, his clear speech (and dare I say it sense of humour) and general good balance/fine motor skills people do expect him to behave better than he does. I have to confess though that even I often fail to remember that he's only just turned 3 and treat him as though he's older. He often plays with lots of DS2's peers in the playground after school - and it nearly as tall as the shortest in the year (they're about to finish YR1).

It also doesn't help that I'm 5ft......so they look even bigger when stood next to me

oh yes - domestics post reminds me that everyone assumes that DS3 eats like a horse........actual he picks at food and rarely eats a whole meal

YANBU - I got this (still do) DS1 is 5ft 6 and is 12. he wears clothes for a 15 year old and has size 8 fet.
Once I nealry slapped a mum at mums and tots because she called him a freak.
I constantly got told "ooh isn't he big". I know how I used to feel, I am 6ft tall, and have been since i was 15.I hated people making an issue out of my height and nothing else

YANBU. I think it's utterly shocking how quick to judge some people can be.

I've been getting this with my teeny tiny DD, too... and have had people get all about whether I'm feeding her. It takes meeting DH (who is also a bit weeny) to shut them up.

oh lordy be - this thread inspired me to pin DS3 against the wall and measure him......by my calculations he/s 104/105cm - he's grown about 10cm in 6 months (we couldn't get an accurate measurement at his 2 1/2yr check........only reason I went to the darn thing was to have him measured ) but we gauged around 94/95cm

I have noticed this with two of my friends. They both have 3 year olds born in March. One is the size of a 5 year old, one is the size of a dainty 2 year old. but they're the SAME BLOODY AGE.

And the mum with the 'bigger' one gets told his speech is poor, she needs to potty train, his behavior is immature ... this child is NO different to the 'smaller' child. he's just larger.

And the Mum with the 'smaller' child gets given utterly filthy looks for letting him toddle off onto the park and play, safely, on the equipment, just because he looks like an incompetant baby. He's not. he's very nimble, actually, he's just small.

ds2 is always being congratualted on his "grown upness" and fabulous vocabulary. he's NOT particularly grown up for 4.5, nor is his vocabulary particularly spectacular - but he's the size of an average 3 year old, and it seems impressive.

Make him a badge saying "I am two and a half years old. I will act like a toddler. I am tall, not four."

toccata: my DS2, who is 6, is shorter than your DS3. He wears age 4 trousers, but needs a belt to hold them up as he is too skinny for them. He eats two breakfasts (one at home and one at school) and two cooked dinners (one at school and one at home) every day, and frequently has seconds.

Just goes to show that appearances can be deceptive.

do you want to swap a few cm's for a bit of an appetite domestic

I'm fed up of buying tops that I assume will last him through next winter/summer etc and then realising they won't even last him until the Autumn this year.

YANBU

DS1 is on 99.6th centile weight and height. When he was 2 it was suggested by some old interfering sort that wasn't he a bit old to be in a buggy, I pointed out that he was 2 and that they should keep their opinions to themselves.

I remember it being hard when he was having tantrums, people obviously thought a child that size should not doing that and I felt embarassed by the stares.

He is now a confident 7 yr old who loves being taller than everyone else and points out the shorter kids that are older than him. He's also joined the local basketball team and is surrounded by the tall folks.

I have 2 sons.

One has always been huge for his age, not many parents look at their precious newborn and exclaim 'OMG, look at his huge hands... they're like shovels!' He spoke early and was running around at a year old. He often gets mistaken for his sisters twin... she's 18 months older than him and tall and lanky.

Everyone seems to forget he's only 3... dp and myself included. He speaks so well and looks so old it can be a shock to realise he's so young sometimes. When i see him next to children of the same age the difference is striking... they still look like babies whereas he's very much a little boy in appearance and demeanor... until he falls and hurts himself and cries and everyone gives him peculiar looks for wailing like a 3 year old

And then there's ds2... my 16 month old who's wearing 6-12 month clothes. He still gets comments like 'He looks far too small to be walking' and he's been walking for over 6 months! We were at a party last week and a woman came over and said 'How old is he?....He's very small' to which i replied my usual 'Yes, he is a bit dinky' ... the mad cow just sniffed and walked off. A while later he was walking past where she was sitting and she called over to me 'Tulips... your little man is over here next to me' and i said 'Yes, I know', wondering what she was on about as i was sitting facing her and could see him easily, and had in fact been watching him since he entered the room, and the old witch replied; 'I just thought i should say something, he's so tiny i wasn't sure if you could see him'

So you see... you can't win! dd is 'too thin', ds1 is 'too big' and ds2 is 'too small' yet they're all healthy happy children completely unaware that they don't fit societies mold for the ideally sized child

DD does have a top with her age on but it barely fits - guess they don't see the market in making I am 4 tops in size 6-7!

I really sympathise with this plight, as we have benefited from the reverse. DS1 is 3.3 and has only just stopped nappies. As he's so small we didn't get any of the "still in nappies " comments from 'well meaning' friends/realtives/strangers. Also he has been able to ride a mini micro scooter at 90 miles per hour since about 20 months. This has gained him tremendous congratulation as he could/can barely see over the handles. Expectations of him are definitely lower than for taller friends, however I do get annoyed at the comments when people find out his age. "Awwww, I'm sure he'll stretch/he's so tiny" etc. If he was fat, no one woild comment on that, so why is it ok to comment on height? DS2, (8months) is also set to be small but I don't feel this should be commented upon. To me its irrelevant. I don't care if they are the tallest or smallest, just the happiest (and kindest to their mum!)

Haven't read all teh responses (sorry) but just wanted to say that with a lovely mum like you then the chances are that he won't end up feeling the same as you about it - plus everyone has something unusual about them - short, tall, very curly hair, red hair, advanced with stuff, slower with stuff, clumsy etc etc etc the list goes on. Everyone has something that they can get a bit of a "thing" about, but not everyone does, so it is no way a foregone conclusion that your DS will suffer with this as you did.

Anyway, my DD1 is humungeous, her dad's side are all very tall (some are 6'5 etc) and she has always been like one of those puppies with huge feet and hands. People always think that she's much older than she is (thinking she's off to school this sept for eg when in fact she is not yet 3). Anyway I spend a lot of time saying brightly "gosh isn't DD huge! And she's not yet 3!!!!!" smile smile and then they know. Strangers will judge everyone on everything so ignore them, but if someone does say something a quick "he's only x" will stop them quick enough.

We went to an open day of the chosen school earlier this year and the Headmistress asked if the DTs would start this September. They were only 2.2

Toccata: you're on.

I'm fed up of having to buy a second lot of clothes/shoes in the same size as they are looking tatty but the next size up is still too big for them!

Dixie: I remember DD wanting one of those "I am 3" tops in Next when it was her birthday, unfortunately they didn't make them in size 12-18 months...

Oh yes, and DS1 may not be tiny like his siblings but he has another cross to bear... he is a redhead. Life is never easy, is it?

Really feel for you. Just give it a little time.

My DS is just 2 but as tall as a much older child (3-4yrs). I've never let it get to me, but I do notice others looking at him wondering why he's not as advanced as they think he ought to be.

But, I'm able to deal with it because the same thing happened to my DSD1. She was always tall / looked mature, and she used to get the same sidewards glances I see DS get now.

Now she is 15 and a lovely girl - tall and elegant - and very mature!!

Sadly, people DO judge.

i didn't think about maybe the differences between peoples opinion about tall boys or girls, i suppose its considered less strange for a boy to be tall, hopefully with positive messages about his height he won't care.

To be clear, im proud of my sons height, im sure it will do him well to end up 6ft 5 when he's all grown up.

domestic - sounds good - but the offer is only available for DS3......the other 2 do eat as much as people assume they do - they definitely don't need any more appetite

OTTMummA... YOu are right, people judge on shortness and tallness!!

my DS's predicted height is 6'3" and I'm very pleased he will be tall... but he spends a reasonable amount of time with another little boy who is short (made worse because DS is so tall!) and people are always commenting about him too

Harimo - you know I haven't dared to think/ask/look up what my DS's predicted height would be........I just know that by the time DS3 is 10 he's going to be towering above me with his brothers