or even just childish to be upset by this clique?

[pennyprincess]

Hi

I am just wondering if you think I am being silly to be upset by the situation below.

Firstly I should point out I am not generally the easily offended or needy type.

I have just gone back to work after mat leave.

Prior to mat leave I worked closely with 2 other women both a bit younger than me (I am 38 they are 29 and 24) that have no kids. Anyway we were all reasonably friendly, sit together a lunch, go out for the odd meal together if it was someones birthday etc. But we did not really socialise much outside work.

Anyway I went back just over a month ago. While I've been off another late 20s women has joined the team.

It now seems that these 3 are mega friendy - round at each others houses for bbqs, nights out etc which I have no problem with at all. Obviously they are all younger than me with different interests.

But I am finding them unpleasant to me at work. I frequently walk in the room/toilets and they go all quiet giving me the impression they have been talking about me. They have been delibrately unhelpful to me with regaurd to changes while I have been away. At lunch they now go off site together (one of them smokes).

I now this all sounds very childish but I am finding it really unpleasantparticularly as it is hard enough going back after mat leave. I considered these people work friends and we used to have quite a laugh together. I have no idea what I have done to upset them. The only thing I can think off is the pweson that was covering my mat leave (so now I have returned has now lost her job) also seems to be part of this group now.

If they're being hostile and excluding you - that feels like bullying to me. The new woman might be the instigator and the others fall in line. You're be a bit vulnerable just back from maternity leave - bully types take advantage of that. You've done nothing wrong and you're entitled to keep your job.

When you get your fighting spirit back - tell them to knock of off!!

I dont feel it is bullying as there are other people I work with too who are being 'normal'. It is just these are the two I was closest to at work and it just such a massive change in them.

Completely bitchy. And prob is, if you ask one of them whats up, she will prob deny any problem, making this harder for you? You could say 'we used to have lunch together, since coming back I feel excluded...is there a problem?'

i hate this sort of thing - happened to me before. bet it won't be long though when one of them falls out with another and then they will all be bitching about the other one to you!

just be super nice, friendly and be neutral to them all iykwim

I agree that it sounds like the new woman is the instigator - maybe she feels threatened by you. Let them get on with it - folk generally show their true colours in the end.

This situation really upsets me as I know it has happened to me before after I came back off Mat leave. All I can say is rise above it, continue to get on with your joband try not to let them get to you. You have a DC to care for and come home to, lucky you. Just be nice and friendly and remember that they are the ones with the problem not you!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply.

I have mostly tried to 'rise above it'. And that is certainly the advice from dh.

I find it all realy disappointing, particularly as I was there when both of them started and made a point of being friendly. And I was also instrumental in making sure one of them on a temp contact was made permanant.

Can you make new friends or spend more time with others?

It is sad when things like this happen, but it just reinforces the fact that colleagues are very rarely proper friends, it just feels like that when you spend so much time together

Rise above it, bide your time, take comfort in your professionalism and a job well done and be friendly with others in the dept. Plus you have a supportive dh by the sound of it and a lovely baby to come home to.

I think it has to do with the woman who was covering your mat leave losing her job as well as the new person. They've bonded with her and she's become part of the team, and a childish person would see you as taking her job (I'm speaking from observational experience here... I work with some real idiots)

With any luck time will help. Or you could try asking them where they are going for lunch and mind if you join them. I'm not sure if I'd have the guts but it could work

Probably a form of jealousy. I'm a man and I get jealous whenever I see a woman either pregnant or with a pram - hey, I'm in touch with my feminine side, OK!

But yeah, it seriously could be something along those lines. I was just about to ask you if they have children, and have just seen you mentioned that they do not.

So yeah, you've done it, you have a lovely little newborn. They don't.

Yes, the other two are a right pair of sheepeople.

The one covering your mat leave was probably hoping you wouldn't come back and the other two have fallen into line just in case that happened. Now you are back, they may be trying to make you unhappy enough that you leave, thus paving the way for the one who covered your mat leave. Don't give them the satisfaction. I would distance myself from them, put all correspondence via email and keep records of conversations/agreements if you think they are capable of anything nasty. Be nice and helpful to everyone else and it will show these women up for what they are and deprive them of any possible ammunition against you. Horrible to have to think like this, but in the workplace there are no such thing as friends imo