To say "no" to buying everything ex tells me to?

[TheRealPerson]

My boys' father is taking them camping for a week in August. I'm really pleased about this because he's never really shown much interest in them before and this is the first time he's really made an effort and taken them somewhere.

Problem is he seems to think I'm made of money and has given me a list of everything they'll need!

Waterproof coats
Waterproof hiking boots
Water Bottles
Combat trousers ...

DS starts secondary school in september and I have all of his uniform to buy yet. The boys both need new school shoes, they both need new trainers, they both need new casual clothes (as they're growing out of the ones they have and DS's jeans are getting too tight) etc.

He does give me maintanance but its not enough to cover everything I need to buy for september as well as the camping stuff.

If he's taking them away, shouldn't he buy them what they need?

I have compromised and said I'll buy the water bottles, the jackets and the trousers but I can't afford new hiking boots when I also have to buy them new trainers and new school shoes.

He's likely to moan and say I'm tight.

AIBU?

yanbu!!

my dd needs all this stuff for her duke of edinburgh award expeditions....we hire it from the local outdoor centre.

glad to see you posting realperson! seems like things have turned a corner

Thank you! I'm feeling rather optimistic today looking forward to the future

OP what size hiking boots do you need? I bought some for DS to go on a hike up Snowden and he never wore them again. He was about 10 at the time, so prob size 5-ish .

You're welcome to them if they're any good.

Unless they're going on serious hikes or climbimg etc they don't need special kit, they just need old and comfy stuff to get filthy in

If he is planning on taking them on serious hikes then he ought to start now, and start getting them used to it. Also, if they have new boots won't they need wearing in? Is he into serious walking (and are they?)If so he should buy the kit

If he's not a walker then he just wants you to subsidise his rugged outdoor man fantasies

YANBU, dh can put his hand in his pocket, don't buy anything extra and give some thought too to how much spending money to give dcs - sounds like exhb could be making use of it otherwise!

Just buy the clothes you were going to but with the holiday a bit in mind. Combats are not a requirement for hiking btw, but you could buy them some combat style trousers as part of their casual clothes. Re shoes - unless they're traversing great mountainous plains, trendy looking trainers will double as hiking boots and visa versa, especially in August. Dh and ds have some Merrell trainers from the Next sale.

Tbh most ppl we saw camping last summer where in tshirts, shorts and crocs/flip flops.

YANBU. Combat trousers for camping? Good grief.

YANBU.

You could put a 'wanted' posted on your local Freegle if he won't see sense though.

Where is he going camping in August that he needs so much wet-weather gear? Iceland? I agree with oldernowiser. Trainers are fine if they're tackling low-level hills and country pathways. A simple cheapish kag (Millets are good) will keep them dry. Waterproof trousers & combats are OK for the autumn but 'shorts' and 'bare legs' dry off a lot quicker in a warm summer shower.

For camping?! He sounds like a geek you are well rid OP

And YANBU - he should buy it.

YANBU they'll look right numptys in matching hiking gear if they're just going camping!

Agree that old comfy stuff and spare trainers is all that is called for. I've been to Iceland, trainers would be fine

Nylon jogging trousers ae great for camping and walking and generally messing around outdoors. They are very cheap, warm if needed, dry fast, and make warm pj trousers when cold at night. Mine live in them on campsites unless it's warm enough for shorts. We giggle a bit at the Action Man types with matching boys in combats

Could you send a list back and say that if you are buying all the stuff for the camping holiday then you'll need him to buy all the stuff for school?

Might just make him think twice...

One pair of waterproof footwear will be needed, nothing worse than we trainers on a camping trip. Who should pay for them is another matter. I'd just tell him what you're getting based on the advice above and tell him the rest is down to him. Wellies are waterproof and cheap of course. Personally I wouldn't buy anything, just say you can't afford it because it's time to buy school uniform.

Urghh what a knob.

Oops clicked too soon. Was just going to say, its irrelevent that you cant afford it. If he wants a hobby with his boys that you arent interested in then he will have to fund it.

I wanted to send DD and DSD to dance classes, so I bought the kit. I can tell you what their respective mum and dad would have said if I asked them to contribute to it, and rightly so!