or over-protective or just normal?

[femalevictormeldrew]

OK bit of a history here, don't see eye to eye with MIL. So am worried that this may cloud my judgement a bit.

Have a DD who is 22 weeks old. Have had MIL babysit twice - we have loads of family to babysit but wanted to include her as she loves DD. Somethings have been niggling at me over the last two weeks

1. The last time she babysat, she told me when we got home that she gave DD 3 scoops of formula to 4 oz of water (because, bad mother that I am, she thinks I will allow DD to become dehydrated). I told her that it is quite dangerous to do this, and left it at that.

1. I have noticed that when she gets her hands on DD, she lies her on her (MIL's) knees)without holding her in any way. DD is a very active baby, and I jumped towards her on several occasions because I thought she was going to fall on the floor.

This is the one that "takes the biscuit" so to speak. We were in MIL's house today, and she comes in and hands DD a digestive biscuit. Now maybe I am, as I say, being a bit over protective, but a Digestive biscuit at 22 weeks old?

So this, basically, has just made my mind up that MIL is actually a danger to leave baby with, and I will never have her babysitting again. If we don't have her, and we have someone else, her feelings will be hurt (and I don't want to hurt my husbands feelings either). But if we do have her I am afraid of what will happen. So the other alternative is to stay at home until DD is 18 years old.

Maybe I am being a bit unreasonable, but I have a DD from a previous relationship who is 8, and I would feel safer leaving DD2 with her (not that I ever would, but you know what I mean).

If you do not feel comfortable with your MIL babysitting then ask someone else.

Just so she doesn't feel left out, visit her on another day you are able to with DD. That way you are in control and will be there at all times.

22 weeks is nearly 6 months??? Guess perhaps she just weaned hers at this age and used biscuits?? If you don't want her to have it, not weaning, doing BLW just say please don't because....

I always laid ds on my lap altho at 22 weeks he could sit unaided so yes he was very active. I wuold not allow him to fall though and I doubt MIL would but if it makes you neveous ask her not to - its your DC.

Not sure of formula one - why is it danderous whata the normal quantities milk/water???

I do really doubt MIL doing anything she considers dangerous to dc health/welfare so best to have a chat before you fall out over it. My E-MIL fed DS baby jrs of food until he was 16 months which I didn't like but at least I had an hours respite every now and again!!

Best of luck MIL DIL thing never easy.

If you aren't happy with her babysitting then don't ask her

Wouldn't bother me if my MIL offered DD a biscuit as i would just take it off her

The formula thing - leave a ready made carton

BTW i don't think any of these things are worth falling out over

Yabu to say you'll never let her babysit again
but you could leave it until she's able to eat and drink anything , maybe ten months or one year
don't make it an issue just don't ask her
surely she won't know if you ask someone else like your mum? Or does she know everytime you go out?

IS it not only dangerous for the forumla thing if you add too many scoops to too little water? I dont know much about formula as i bf both ds

None of what you describe sounds particularly life threatening to me? If you don't want her to do something, just say so rather than excluding her without explanation. Not sure regarding the formula thing, but you put her straight anyway. If you don't want her to have a biscuit, then tell MIL. As regards the knee thing, I'm sure she's handled a baby before and is very unlikely to drop her. I think you're being a bit harsh.

well you wouldn't take it off her if she was babysitting ruby, because you wouldn't be there

if you don't feel happy leaving your baby with her, then don't.

it doesn't mean her relationship with the child is over or that you are going to leave her out of their lives. The only way that will happen if through her sulking about not being asked to babysit - and that's not your problem, that's hers.

I wouldn't leave my small baby with anyone I wasn't completely confident in.

I wouldn't fall out with my mil over any of those things tbh.

None of those incidents could truly be described as dangerous imo.

The extra bit of water, as a one off, will not hurt her, her milk will just not seem as filling.

She hasn't ever actually rolled off your mil's knee and even if she did, tbh from that height (assuming mil sitting on sofa) she would be very unlucky to be injured.

I wouldn't give my child a digestive biscuit at 22 weeks but she is simply likely to be unaware of new guidance. Even if your dd did get the biscuit then at her age really she'd just giveit a suck and then drop it surely?

Most important, imo, is whether or not your mil has continued to do things against your wishes even when you have asked her not to. You've not mentioned this in your op.

Things have changed a lot re weaning advice since your mil had her babies. She probably started them on solids at 12 weeks.

IMO you need to make sure she understands what the current advice is, what your feeding regime is, and your plan to introduce solids, and ask her to do exactly the same. If she then ignores you and does it her own way, she is totally out of order and should not babysit again (and should be told why).

Those occasions when you jumped up to save your dd from falling from her lap, did she actually fall? Or have a certain fall prevented by your actions? She was probably more in control of your dd than you thought. If the baby was going to fall she would feel it happening and catch her.

RE the knees, I also put my DD on my knees, but MIL does it, and I can only describe it as leaving the baby to "perch" or "balance" on MIL's knee caps, while she sits back on the couch (I wish I could show a picture, as I am not describing it very well). My husband has asked her not to do it (he also notices it to be quite dangerous), but she has done it several times since.

The formula, I don't know exactly why it is dangerous (but it says it on the side of the tin .

And the biscuit, I won't mind if she eats the whole pack when she gets bigger, but at the moment she is eating baby rice and pureed vegs etc, and I have visions of her getting a lump of digestive in her mouth and not even knowing to chew (she has no teeth anyway) and choking on it.

I know she was in no danger when I was there, and I know MIL would not intentionally harm her, but I am just thinking of what she would do when I am not there. My MIL is not one to take instructions from anyone (especially me).

I sort of know I am sounding a bit over-protective and unreasonable, but her other son and DIL don't let her babysit, and I sort of know why now.

It's a tricky one as you probably are being a little overprotective but it's something you can't help. My MIL is lovely and we;ve always got on well but since I had DS things have been a little strained because I too am quite overprotective.

She babysits for us quite a lot (she loves every second and adores DS), but I struggle to accept that when she does he will go to bed a little later, and may have different food to what I would give normally. She is very laid back with babies as she has brought up several of her own and has quite a few GC, and I have a PFB and want everything done "properly".

I just emphasise how things have changed, like weaning for example, WHO don;t advise it till 26 weeks and then no sugar / salt etc. With feeds we used to confuse her with bags of EBM but now we give her cartons of formula as although I have explained the way you make up bottles has changed and why, I don't trust her to do it properly, so I take away any chance of that happening.

Grit your teeth and tell yourself her kids all turned out fine so yours will too if they are there for a few hours!

Mumbar normal quantities are 1 scoop powder to 1oz water. Not using the right quantities means baby isn't getting the right amount of food. A one-off is unlikely to do much harm but if MIL was to babysit regularly and do this, it would be a problem.

FVM The holding thing I wouldn't worry about - MIL is there and can catch DD if she starts to slip.

The biscuit thing would annoy me though, if she does it again, just take the food off her, and say that she's not quite up to that stage yet. But if you don't feel happy leaving her with MIL yet, then don't. You don't have to stay in until DD is 18, just until you feel a bit more confident that DD will be safe.

yabu none of this sounds dangerous.

however, your baby your rules/. but you need to tell her what you want. If she goes against your stated wishes, then yrs - that is wrong

If you decide to give your MIL another go at baby sitting leave her a list of dos and don'ts e.g. no solids as not weening yet, give water if worried about dehydration etc.

I have done this with my own MIL in the passed as she is immensely interfering - except now I think she's scared of me.

I think you are being a tad over protective tbh.

op (I like your name btw) I don't think MIL is being dangerous annoying yes but not dangerous . Just wait a few months and try again when you feel more comfortable

I think you're being a bit precious, but I can understand.

No idea WRT the formula as am BF. As for the laying on her knee, why don't you just casually mention that DD has started rolling (even if she hasn't) so would she mind please just keeping a hold of her, as you know how wiggly these babies can be etc.

The biscuit... Its only a biscuit. There really is no need to worry about it, but I do know its annoying. My mum gave DS chocolate at 19 weeks. Just make it clear that you're weaning at your own pace, so not to give her any food.

Calling her a "danger" is a bit OTT.

YABU to think she is a danger. She's wrong about the formula but making it slightly weaker once is not dangerous - how could it be? The danger is if people always make it too weak - the baby will not get enough milk. I'm sure she doesn't want your DD to fall and so would not do something dangerous consciously - but a gentle word about how DD has learnt to flip over recently or something might help her to be more aware. The biscuit is also annoying but not dangerous really. My MIL and SILs feed my DS all kinds of crap but it's only once in a while and it comes with a huge portion of love so it's not worth stressing over.

from what you describe im seeing discord not reckless endangerment

when she is around premix carton.hid the formula

stash the biccies if need be

but maybe given the frisson between you both.she likey winding you up. and you are bit hyper around her

i think the act of denying a child its granny over some petty stuff is appalling.you need to be more adult and frankly prepared to let some stuff slide

like it or no she is granny and part of your family, and banning granny for trite reasons is cruel and petty

hope your husband doesn't just acquiesce to this.someone needs to tell you to get a grip

she isn't proposing "banning granny" ffs

she is talking about sole charge

why should anyone leave their child with someone they don't feel confident in?

Telling her to grow up is just barking, not to mention unhelpful. She isn't going to "mature" to a point where she is happy to leave the baby with someone she doesn't have confidence in, is she?

she is advocating no granny 1:1 time.no babysitting.thats bonkers.and cruel

"MIL is actually a danger to leave baby with, and I will never have her babysitting again"

if granny was rose west, aye fair do

but a minor scrap over formula and baby positioning and no granny.nutty

this is resolvable and jumping about squawking no granny babysitting is cruel

right now because baby only 22weeks the parental haze means you judgement is fucked

4,5,7 years down the line without a reliable relative baby sitter is different matter

I was actually advised by our GP to add a little extra water to DS's formula at one point; think he had started eating, was refusing water and was getting a bit bunged up! It's hot where we live, which is a bit dehydrating - apparently breast milk adjusts to temperature etc. So I wouldn't worry too much about that one, especially as a one off.

I think you are over-reacting a little, tbh - although the perching and the biscuit would have irritated me too. When DS was a baby, MIL would whap him on the bum while she was holding him - it was a particulary heavy-handed pat but I used to cringe every time she did it (the whap was hard enough to see DS bounce from it).

By all means don't ask her to baby sit for a while again if you've lost trust in her - maybe until your DD is eating a bit more regular food - but don't deny her babysitting "forever", that's a bit OTT.

i think these are all pretty small issues in the grand scheme of things and not worth falling out with MIL over. i get irritated even now with some things MIL does with my DDs but she loves them it is nothing that will harm them and she has helped us out on so many occasions looking after them i don't know what i would do without her.

on the formula just say, i would rather you made it up per the instructions and offered her water separately if you are worried about dehydration, or as someone else said leave a carton.

really don't think she would let her fall off her knees.

the biscuit, maybe a bit much but isn't going to do any major harm and you can bet your life she will let her have other things that you don't approve of as she gets older (my MIL is always giving my 2 DDs loads of treats and i just turn a blind eye now as it isn't like we are there every day).

so think YAB a bit U