to be fuming at soon to be exH suggestion that I pay his phone bill to speak with dd?

[SpiritualKnot]

Argh! Just venting.

My soon to be exH said the other day, that if he's paying child maintenance ( not the full amount that the CSA would stipulate), that the least I could do was to pay for his evening calls to dd.

He has a mobile phone with a contract of 200 minutes a month, which he uses up ringing all and sundry and can't afford to ring his dd. It costs a lot for me to call it from my landline and I have a pay as you go mobile, which I only use for incoming calls.

He then goes on to say he spent a £100 on new T shirts the day before as he's had to send the rest off for ironing at 70p a T shirt ...and did I know to get a sheet ironed costs £2.50?

Why did I marry this numpty in the first place?

£2.50 a sheet - how much do you have to payfor a shirt? Ohlet me get my calculator and just wokr out how much you must owe me for all the ironing I did over the years - get skpe then dc can talk all day, set it up and let us know your detials to get calls.

FFS...

She's his daughter.

will he also expect travel costs to be paid so he can see her?

I do think exH needs to change his phone contract as 200 mins over a month isn't a lot if he wants to call his DD every day. 5 mins per day is going to take most of it.

Alternatively he could use Skype or another internet based phone- the calls are free then and you get the added benefit of video calls.

Sounds like he needs some top tips on ironing too.

How old is exH? I am asking as he sounds very young and rather immature.

Just checked out skype, looks ok but he usually rings at bedtime, so not sure about having the computer on at that time for her. But have downloaded it anyway, no doubt he won't bother setting it up for himself.

He's terrible about the travel thing actually, he lives 7 miles from where we live and says it's too far to come and see her when he's finished work, so he just sees her on his days off now.

Realised when I worked out our finances how much I'd been paying all these years..all mortgage and bills and everything else...made me feel quite ill. No wonder he doesn't want to do a financial declaration thing himself. I never realised how tight he was when we were together.

He's just turned 40 and I'm older than him by 9 years. His new girlfriend is younger, she'll have no idea what he's like moneywise as he seemed v generous in the early days to me.

Sorry, forgot about the contract, he's only just got it and says he is committed for a year to the 200 minutes.

Fucking hell! No wonder he is about to be your exH!

He is a greedy selfish twat. Tell him to go whistle for the phone money and ask HIM to explain to your dd why he isn't going to call her.

why are you not going through CSA?

and I am pretty sure he is probably tied in to the 200 but that they would let him increase this, as that would make them more money surely!

Hadn't planned on going through CSA as trying to do things amicably and seemed as if I'd have less contact with him afterwards if we agreed a sum.

However on the divorce petition he agreed £325 a month, now says he can't afford that so we've agreed between us to make it £250. Hard, as I actually think he earns more than he says, but he denies this.

Thqt money is for our 11 year old dd, ds,18, starts uni in October and I'll be giving him £325 a month for his living expenses. Ex won't contribute to this.

I'm increasing the mortgage by £20,000 (making mortgage £120,000 house worth £195,000) and giving H the £20,000. So he constantly goes on and on about how I have the house, he has nothing etc etc. As I say I've always paid these things. He earns a good income and will probably buy a place with his new girlfriend, who also has a good income, both work full time.

He goes on about how I'm "take take take, just like in the marriage". Wears me down, can't wait for the divorce, he's only just had the petition, took 6 weeks to arrive.

YANBU.

I do think you've got to sod being amicable and go through the CSA. Being 'amicable' is allowing him to royally take the piss. WHY on earth are you giving him £20,000, never mind the phone bill money?

Hang on - he isn't paying full amount stipulated by CSA, plus you are taking on a bigger mortgage?

Seriously - get a lawyer and screw him. Amicable my arse, he is taking you for a fool.

He reckons that he's paying me back the £20,000 by making the maintenance payments.

I think the solicitor he's seen has straightened him out on that one. Think he's had a free hour with a solicitor, doubt he'll go back again coz of the cost.

My solicitor seems very good, she thinks my suggestion of £20K is reasonable, H knows he'll have to wait 7 years for me to sell the house otherwise (ie when dd is 18 yrs).

I think it's reasonable, I made that offer on the basis that that is what I would want. Didn't know about the OW at the time and know a court woudn't take the OW into account, he denies any intentions of them moving in together.

Don't want to sell the house and fight about it in 7 years time, would rather make an offer now and have him disappear. That's my main aim.

I agree. It is a slippery slope... Give in to his unreasonable demands now and you will have set up a precedent. Be firm now for your own sake and set some boundaries with him. It is his responsibility to maintain a relationship with his daughter. Don't fall for his emotional blackmail or allow him to make you feel that you are responsible for ensuring this. And definitely approach the CSA and hire a good lawyer. You ARE responsible to the best of your ability for ensuring that ex pays his fair share for the proper maintenance of your little girl.
I hope it all works out for you. I am sure you will be much better off without this selfish immature man!!!

You need to get something written into the divorce papers, or a seperate document drawn up then with him confirming that the £20K is all he will try to claim from your current joint assets - otherwise you'll have him coming back for more in 7 years time.

And please please go through the CSA for maintenence, at least then you will have a bit extra to help support your DCs through university.

Gah men this like make me so angry - it is one thing to walk away from your wife, but quite another to abandon your children. What an utter bastard.