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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think my SIL is, but she thinks it's me...

18 replies

snickersnack · 27/06/2010 11:59

...I don't particularly want to pick a fight.

Their dd was born 4 months ago. Yesterday, totally out of the blue, she rang to say they have booked her naming ceremony which will take place in July. When we are on holiday, a holiday which we booked 6 months ago. And which, although I don't expect her to know the exact details of, I did discuss with her two weeks ago when she asked if we were going away. So she should at least have had a vague memory of the fact we might not be around even if common sense hadn't suggested people do often go away during July.

When I said that we would be away (apologetically - I don't want to miss it) she said breezily that it would be easy to change and this was more important. We really can't change it - villa in South of France with two sets of friends, TGV booked etc. I explained this and she got very snippy. Apparently her best friend who lives in Scotland can ONLY come down that weekend and we are being totally unreasonable and should just cancel the holiday.

I haven't dared mention to her that I know my parents are also away that weekend at my dad's oldest friend's 70th birthday. She has gone ahead and made all the bookings without ever thinking that we may have other plans...

So, she's furious with us, and thinks we are being selfish. I think she's being silly and should try and rearrange the ceremony if having us all there is as important as she claims. As I say I am sorry we won't be there but am not prepared to cancel a week's holiday that was booked and paid for before she even had the baby.

OP posts:
nannynobnobs · 27/06/2010 12:03

She is wrong, you are right, so there

CoupleofKooks · 27/06/2010 12:07

she's wrong, you are right

TulipsInTheSunshine · 27/06/2010 12:09

she's bonkers.

is it her first by any chance?

Katisha · 27/06/2010 12:10

She is in teh wrong. she is being PFBzilla.

MortaIWombat · 27/06/2010 12:12

What they said.

trilliAnasTra · 27/06/2010 12:13

Is she generally this unprepared when organising things?

brass · 27/06/2010 12:14

YANBU!

snickersnack · 27/06/2010 12:15

It's not her first. This is a bit extreme even by her standards but she does have a habit of occasionally doing something that is just totally bonkers then taking great offence at our reaction. dh is severely allergic to cats, she went and bought a cat after a discussion about why we didn't have a cat then gets cross when we don't stay overnight when we visit them. I've explained the cat point before but she doesn't seem to make the connection.

80% of the time she's entirely reasonable. It's the other 20% that is the problem because you can't predict when it's going to happen...

OP posts:
SugarMousePink · 27/06/2010 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzingNoise · 27/06/2010 12:16

yanbu.
Sounds like she organised it without thinking about what plans other people had (she'll be completely focused on the baby so you can't blame her too much) and so she'll have to deal with the fact that people can't make it.

nbee84 · 27/06/2010 12:16

YANBU

She is being VU!

snickersnack · 27/06/2010 12:18

Trillian - it's not that she's not organised. It will be an extremely well organised event with hand made bunting, five types of cake and beautifully hand written thank you notes. She's just a bit erratic in the way she goes about things and is woefully bad at considering things from other people's point of view.

The real problem is I know my parents will be mortified and cancel the trip they have planned and feel guilty about doing so but she will see that as validating her view that we are unreasonable. My parents are out of the country until this evening - am going to have to try and get to them before she does!!

OP posts:
Katisha · 27/06/2010 12:24

What is her DH doing? Laying low?

honeydragon · 27/06/2010 12:25

UANBU - from what you've said this has been done so her best freind can come, clearly the bf takes over family in in importance, the bf is attending - she can't have everything. DO NOT CANCEL YOUR HOLIDAY!

snickersnack · 27/06/2010 12:28

My brother is staying out of it. I spoke to him earlier and he is very relaxed about the fact we won't be there but doesn't want to upset her. Apparently she's "very stressed by having to organise this at such short notice".

OP posts:
brass · 27/06/2010 12:29

LOL hand made bunting! Sounds like my SIL but it's soooo about her and not the baby. She has a fantasy event in her head and you all have to accomplish it.

Mine asked to me speak at her DC's naming do and I politely asked her if there was something specific she had in mind (I was imagining reading a poem or something..)

She said 'oh I want you to say something that will move everyone to tears'. It was all scripted and directed in her head and we were supposed to produce it to the letter.

compo · 27/06/2010 12:30

you poor parents

your brother should get a backbone and tell her to rearrange it for when his family can attend

compo · 27/06/2010 12:31

sorry your poor parents

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