to not want him in our lives ever?

[Notlovinglife]

1 year ago my dh left me for another woman saying that life is too short to be tied down. At the time i was 8 months pg and we already had a two year old dd. 2 weeks after he left i went into labour and had an ecs and a friend looked after dd while i was in hosp. A week later i got an infection and was back in hospital with ds for 10 days. Friend was not able to look after dd so she went into emergency foster care (something i will never forgive myself for) until i was back home as when hospital social worker called dh he said he was on holiday and couldn't come back to care for her. Dd now has serious separation anxiety issues due to this. I have no family so there was noone for her to stay with. When i got home, i was very weak abd could not cope so in desperation i called Dh's brother and wife who flew over from Canada to help me recuperate and they were bloody fantastic.

I allowed dh to have the dd on alternate weekends from 3 months ago for her sake as she really loves her dad. He is living with this bitch woman and showed no interest in ds when he was born but got in touch with me again to say that he wanted access to the dcs. I allow him to spend time with ds when he picks dd up but feel ds is too little to spend whole weekend away from me. Dh is continuing to pay the mortgage and i still have access to the joint account which will cease once the divorce comes through.

Yesterday morning, i recieved a phone call from dh to say that he wants sole custody of the dc's as he feels that he and this woman can provide a better life for them. He informed me that we will have to sell the house as he and this woman have bought a five bedroom house and he cannot afford two mortgages. I am afraid to say that the red mist descended and i lost my temper big time with him. Half an hour later his bitch girlfriend called me and told me that she is disgusted with my behaviour and thinks that i am an unfit mother if i can lose my temper like that. I am so scared of what will happen next. I have no money for solicitors, a rubbish job that pays eff all, and no real support network. I want him out of our lives as he left me in the shit just when i needed him and now he has the effing cheek to wnat custody.

sorry if this is rambling, i have had no sleep.

Loonymum - hope you are feeling better this morning!

Firstly, you say that your husband has informed you that the matrimonial home "must be sold". Well no, it does not. As you are going through with your divorce and you have children under 18 (he is also currently paying the mortgage) you are entitled to remain in the house until your youngest child reaches the age of 18. He can be compelled by a judge to continue paying the mortgage (as he wishes to buy a 5 bedroom house, he can afford this).

A judge will inform your ex that paying the current mortgage/housing the children takes precedence over purchasing a new house. He will most likely be informed that a rented property will be more than sufficient for new woman and him.

The most important thing for you to do right now is to stop taking calls from him. Conduct all access arrangements through text if possible.

Arrange to speak with a legal firm that specialize in Family Law. You are entitled to 30 minutes free with a solicitor (you could visit as many solicitors as possible to take advantage of this free service)

Your solicitor will go through Legal Aid application forms with you. Do not worry about costs.

As to why he is saying he wants to have sole custody of the children, I would say it is to threaten, abuse and undermine you but mainly it is to do with money. Money. Money. Money.

He wants a 5 bedroom house- not pay to house the
children elsewhere.
He likely does not want to pay maintenance to you.

If the other woman calls you, hang up. Immediately. Do not have ANY conversation with her. She will have her eye on the money as well and will have been fed a Crock o'shit. She is a rude ol' Bitch.

what a couple of king-sized jack-asses

there is no way they will get custody of your dc. And there is no way they can take your home away from you. The UK may have problems but it is not actually a banana republic.

Don't speak to him at all and I understand you totally I would not want that toxic pair anywhere near my dc.

would your parents help you pay for a solicitor. It would be quite important to have clear legal advice

Do NOT move out of the home. Talk to a solicitor TODAY or ASAP. The first thing you should have them do is arrange for your interest to be registered in the house (if it is'nt already) with The Land Registry.

They will arrange for a note to be registered with them to make clear that the house can NOT be sold without your, but most likely your solicitors express permission (your Ex will be unable to sell the house without your knowledge)

How scary for you, do you have any real support at all?

Don't beat yourself up about the foster care, it was an emergency situation. My Aunty has fostered for 40 years now and that's what they are there for. Your DD would have been in a family environment.

They will have helped compile a report on your DD when returned to you, probably including the fact that the twunt refused to return from holiday (cock) to care for your DD while you had HIS DS alone. So this is documented.

Bring this up with your solicitor. I agree with Caramel, it sounds as if she is undermining you. Thinking you will come out of the situation feeling that even though you lost the house - you kept the kids. Won't happen.

Make sure all assets are frozen. Keep calm and speak through your legal contact. Ignore this other woman completely, she is nothing to do with your family.

Good luck hun x

if she cannot afford a lawyer at all. How can she get started finding out what to do and how to do it?

I would even borrow money for a solicitor now? It really is vital. Can't you get a free first consultation, I thought you could?

I can imagine you feel shell-shocked by all this but you really must get to work very fast. They are idiots actually for telling you their plans so thank goodness for that. You know where you are

I have reread your OP and notice that you say he has already bought the new 5 bed house. A quick note on this: as you are still married, the share that your soon-to-be-ex owns in this new house can legally be considered a part of your matrimonial "pot".

Of course you will not want anything to do with the actual house but DO NOT let it be discounted when working out/through the financial aspects of the divorce
(especially important if he has a large equity share)

Morloth has given EXCELLENT advice. Absolutely follow what she has said.

Good luck with everything !

I was thinking that too about the new house ccaramel. If they are married, surely it is partly OPs

i would also contact hv/gp re separation anxiety issues ,so that there is written record for when you go to court ,make sure they note that this started following the emergency foster placement.

Zzzen - She can get free advice in the first instance. The solicitors will help her fill in any Legal Aid forms.

She can go to any firm of Solicitors. It is important to go to those that specialize in Family Law.

Notlovinglife - Go to the library and get as many books about Family Law/divorce as possible. Educate yourself on what the Law says your STB ex can/can't insist on (very little actually)

Eat well. Sleep as much as possible. Take as many leisurely walks as you can with the children i.e. walking in local park x

He will not get sole custody of the children.

Brilliant advice on here.

Just wanted to join in in sending my very best wishes to you, and the hope you can remain strong in the face of this shit. IME, once you tale action, you won't feel so helpless.

This guy is a serious Narcissist !!

No court would give him sole custody - his grandiosity is something else.

If you do have to deal with solicitors and courts, be cool, cooperate and down to earth with them. That's the only way to beat him - play the game.

personally i wouldnt of been able to resist telling ow when she rang ,that it is quite normal for married couples to argue ,afterall you are still married to the odious toilet stain