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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In feeling sick and shaky all day after a driving lesson?

66 replies

MeddlesomeRatbag · 26/06/2010 21:35

I can't help it, it's getting worse and I am only on lesson 4!

I have always wanted to learn to drive, but couldn't really afford it. This year, we now have the finances to squeeze a lesson a week. DH drives, but since my employer relocated last year, I have found getting into work a nightmare. (3 hours by bus there and 3 hours back)

I felt super excited and confident before I started. I bought the DSA theory books, CD-Roms, Highway code etc but I seem so shite behind the wheel, I spend the whole day after it analysing the lesson and feeling sick. DH just rolls his eyes and tells me to relax, but this is so far, the hardest thing I have ever done! I cannot see myself ever being able to master gears, steering properly and not stalling. My Instructor (thankfully) has me on a quiet 'practice' road that is pretty easy to drive around, but I am filled with terror at the thought of ever being on the open road.

AIBU and stupid and need to get a grip, or did anyone else feel like this? Next lesson is Monday, and I am dreading it already!

OP posts:
Original poster
MeddlesomeRatbag · 26/06/2010 22:00

Thankyou for replies! I had no idea that so many other people felt like this! Showofhands. . . Is there a support thread for learners on MN? I am tring to stay focussed on all the good things it will bring me (and DD) I can't believe I am actually feeling so crappy about it.

OP posts:
wubblybubbly · 26/06/2010 22:02

OP, change your driving instructor!

I was like this with my first instructor and he was the paid type! I felt like a bloody idiot and thought I wasn't cut out of it, hated every single minute of it.

Change of instructor and instead of feeling a nervous wreck, I was filled with calm and confidence. A few months later I passed my test.

It's really difficult to learn from a family member. My friend's really lovely dad called her 'a fucking arsehole' on one of her drive 'lessons'. That was the catalyst to fork out for a real instructor.

ShowOfHands · 26/06/2010 22:03

DH, fortunately, is an excellent teacher. He's an advanced driver for work and has just updated his training so knows his stuff. Also, he never, ever rises to my baiting. It doesn't matter how cross I am or how much I'm struggling, he's encouraging, reassuring and kind. And after each lesson he makes me tea and lets me ask questions and says nice things about how well I'm doing. I'm lucky. And stubborn. I will reverse round the corner over and over and over again until it's perfect every time. One day I did nothing but reverse round the corner repeatedly for about an hour. Ditto three point turns. Suspect a proper instructor wouldn't put up with that.

stickylittlefingers · 26/06/2010 22:04

it's like anything that seems easy when you can do it - learning to swim as an adult must be pretty awful too. Even at 17 I was pretty aware that I was in charge of a "lethal weapon", and I still don't like driving in the middle of busy cities... but general driving I feel absolutely fine with.

Have you considered one of those holidays where you do a "crash course" (sorry about the unfortunate wording )... Doing it on a more consolidated basis may make it feel more normal?

DP learnt in his 30s - I used just to insist he drove me everywhere. He soon got used to being my unpaid taxi driver and passed his test first time!

Good luck with it...

sunshiney · 26/06/2010 22:04

Hi OP

Have not read whole thread so sorry if repeating but here's my two bits of advice.

Pay far more attention to what's going on outside the car than to any mechanical stuff inside the car. Mechanics come easily, you need to practice noticing and anticipating everything on the road much more.

Also, push yourself. Set some very ambitious goals with driving, just out of your comfort zone. This is the best way to build confidence.

ShowOfHands · 26/06/2010 22:05

Well I think there should be a support thread. There are several of us learning I think. And I could do with somebody to chat to about it.

ivykaty44 · 26/06/2010 22:09

my dad lives on a corner - goodness I didn't realise it was you out there for an hour - it drove us mad..

smokinaces · 26/06/2010 22:14

Someone I used to work with was like this.

In the end she did several lessons in an automatic until she was confident of driving - the whole spacial awareness, speed, others on the road etc etc

Then, when she was feeling a lot more confident she did lessons in a manual. This meant she already knew how to steer/control the car so could just concentrate on the gears.

She had twice as many lessons, but passed (a manual) first time.

BigWeeHag · 26/06/2010 22:17

I am really struggling too - I'm 33 and have had about 14 lessons, and yesterday's was a fucking nightmare.

Considering trying a different instructor tbh, this one contradicts himself, tuts, makes small talk then shouts when I fuck up... not cool.

ShowOfHands · 26/06/2010 22:17

Sorry ivykaty. Oh but did you see my perfect 'arm over passenger seat' position? I learnt it from dh. Sorry about the swearing by the way. I do know 'f'ing clutch' isn't its correct title.

Gauchita · 26/06/2010 22:19

MeddlesomeRatbag, please don't give up, it does get better. As SOH said, think of the freedom that will come with it (esp. the time saved when commuting to work!)

SOH, glad to hear things are going better. The support thread is a great idea!

Gauchita · 26/06/2010 22:21

BigWeeHag, oh no, change that instructor now! Shouting when you make mistakes!? WTF? Not on at all

PaulineCampbellJones · 26/06/2010 22:22

A lot of driving schools have instructors who are able to deal with those who are more nervous or don't learn as fast.
I had tried twice before and given up but passed first time during my third attempt. This was down to my instructor and I clicking as he knew how to deal with nerves.
Also I found being taken to drive on baby roads made me loads worse. My last instructor just took me on normal roads and once you are in the situation you just have to hold your nerve!
Good luck and don't give up!

CloudsAway · 26/06/2010 22:30

I drove years ago in an automatic, on the right side of the road. I've developed a real phobia of driving in the UK, with all the differences, and in a manual car. The fear just built up as I left it longer and longer. Finally this year I started lessons. Had about 7 months so far, a two-hour lesson once a week, but no practice in between. Costing me a fortune. The first lesson was almost nothing but tears and shaking, for 2 hours. Finally went around in a square a couple of times. I was shaking and wobbly and utterly, utterly drained, for the rest of the day. First several lessons were much the same, then I improved a bit enough to be on more normal roads, but would have surprise panic attacks whenever anything went even slightly wrong. The adrenalin would then make me shaky and exhausted the next day. Even now, when I am driving on proper roads all the time, I still have them now and then, but it's not as bad as it was. It'll be several more months before I'm ready for a test I guess, and we are already looking at it taking several attempts, just because I panic so unpredictably. I am taking beta blockers, and trying to relax.

so yes it's not unreasonable or uncommon.

BigWeeHag · 26/06/2010 22:31

To be fair, he is probably scared, I would be. But yes, I am going to have to do it. Yikes.

puffling · 26/06/2010 22:35

I passed this year, am 39. It took stacks of lessons for it all to click, but I passed 1 st time with only 5 minor faults. I got rid of crap 1st instructior and made sure to get a DIA one. he really helped re-inforce the basics.

Don't stress about gears, once you're driving, they'll be the least of your worries.

swallowedAfly · 26/06/2010 22:36

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puffling · 26/06/2010 22:43

I was definitely not meant to drive, or so I believed. Persevere, it might take a bug chunk of your time but believe me it's worth it. I love the freedom it gives me and I even enjoy driving.

swallowedAfly · 26/06/2010 22:47

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BrandyAlexander · 26/06/2010 22:51

Hi OP, I found the whole learning to drive experience horrendous. I took 6 months of lessons - one 2 hour lesson per week. It cost me an absolute fortune, and it actually felt like I had got a pay rise when I passed! 3 weeks before my test my driving instructor said that he didn't feel he could take my money any more as i wasn't getting anywhere. I had to beg him (in floods of tears) to carry on teaching me. For some reason, it all clicked the following lesson. The driving instructor did a mock test for me a few days before the real thing and first move off he dual braked me and failed me. Despite all of this, I had drove like a dream on the test day and passed first time! Stick at it, you will be so so proud of yourself when you pass!

puffling · 26/06/2010 22:52

I did, now I feel like a grown up!! About time! No more cadged lifts, waiting in taxi queues with drunks and smelly busses!

ShowOfHands · 26/06/2010 22:52

Shall I start a support thread?

Rocklover · 26/06/2010 22:59

I tried to learn on and off for years and HATED driving. It scared the crap out of me, I dreaded every lesson and always felt ill and did the analysing thing.

Then when I was 31 I tried my billionth 5th and final instructor, vowing if I didn't master it this time that was it! I really clicked with the instructor and actually enjoyed the lessons. I started with him in March 08 and passed my first test in Nov 08, having NEVER got anywhere near test standard.

If I can do it anyone can, and that is not an exageration! It does click and beleive it or not I now wonder why the hell I found it so hard. I promise you that you can learn to drive and absolutely love it (eventually lol).

Gauchita · 26/06/2010 23:02

Puffling, I can't wait to feel such sense of independence and freedom!

SOH, yes. We could do with a place to share experiences vent

Rocklover · 26/06/2010 23:02

That should be "having never got anywhere near test standard before that"