to want to put this parent straight - oh how i wish i had

[SlartyBartFast]

there is a parent whose dd has regular fall outs with clasmates as they do at this age.. i am sure it only gets worse (!)

he has a habit of ringing to ask my dd her side of the story, he mainly has a gripe with a mutual friend of hers. it has been so bad in the past i did wonder to him why he didnt change schools, they have a school nearer...

he rung the other evening and it was something and nothing tbh. a girl had told his dd a secret but 3 of my dd's friends, and my dd to a lesser extent apparently, managed to bully the secret out of her. leaving her in floods of tears.

i did put my dd on the phone to explain to him her side of the story, but how i wish i had gone with my original instinct and tell him to let her FIGHT her Own Battles.

what do you reckon.

no harm in ringing him now and saying that you dont want to get involved again, sort it with the teachers. It's not as if she is 5, she is 10 and he will have fun in secondary school if he doesnt teach her now to sort thing properly!

ooh, shall i ring?

I don't think you should phone him now, after the event - it will only seem confrontational. But next time he rings, you should tell him that you think the best thing for him and his daughter is if he raises any issues through the teacher (who after all, is with the children all day).

No good ever comes of parents phoning each other about this sort of thing, in my experience.

YES! It's a rotten position for your DD he's an adult, she's not a pawn! Or an independent witness! Leave the poor kid alone, tell him!

good point, She is of course Not an independant witness.

i did mention his calls to the school - on a parents evening - and the ht was shocked on my behalf.

He cross examines a 10 year old? . That would be very frightening for the ten year old, even if he/she had done nothing wrong - to be quizzed by somebody else's Dad.

initially i was going to ask her and tell him myself but the story was too long, i put her on and then immediatley regretted it

she was fine though more interested in getting back to her mishi monsters

wtf is he doing ringing your dd?

tell him to stop, i can't quite comprehend why he thinks this is ok, or how you are putting up with it.

i wouldn't allow a parent to do that to my dc. if he wants to sort out an issue in future, invite him and his DD round and he can talk with you and you DD but i wouldn't let her talk to him on the phone. he is an adult, he should know better. and good luck to his DD at high school. her friends will love her

i am just taken unawares. it is not a regular occurrence, although about a year ago it happened - i felt sorry for him - he is trying his best you know and i do say tell the school. blah blah.
we have tried to cut contact, becuase of him but obviously their paths still cross

until it happened again this week, i should have said.

yes, his dd is a drama queen, he says my dd isnt so involved, as one particular child. he had already spoken to other child and defensive, his words, mum.
then said how i and mum talked, which we dont! but he said other mum said we had yesterday!!
we talked about her car FFS! not our children.
grr

yes, it is her version of events he wants to know. he is not blaming her. but her friends.

Is there some reason why he might be over-protective?

All sounds very odd - I would tell him straight that he is to either let the girls sort it out themselves or if he has issues speak to the school about it - no way would I let him speak to DD on the phone.

fgs don't let him speak to your child on the phone.
He is getting overly involved in his childs dramas leave them to it and encourage your daughters other friendships.

There's a book, i forget what it's called - queen bees, I think - about girls friendship groups and cliques and fallings out. If he wants to help his daughter manage these situations he'd probably find some good strategies in there. it would also encourage him to be more hands off! Maybe next time you see him say you've heard this book is good and you're thinjking of reading it yourself, has he read it? If he's reallyw orried he may leap on it and i bet it would help him.

thanks for further advice, and book sounds a good idea as well as suggesting mn of course